Hi there,
my name is Ruth and I am 17 next week.
I have had anorexia since I was 11, and although I am at my healthy weight now, I can't shake ana off and this month in particular has been a downward spiral.
I seem to be thinking about food more and more. I feel fat everywhere. I am trying so hard but I feel so scared and lonely.
Just thought this might be a good place to talk, I dont know.
Oof :) x
Hi Ruth...this site is a great place to reach out for support in recovery.
Have you had professional help to process the emotional aspects of the ED for you?
Do you know what has changed lately to cause you to feel more obsessed and troubled by the ED thoughts again?
I hope you will share more here, and consider asking your parents to help you get some counseling to protect you from spiraling back into the ED, full force.
Take care...Jan ♥
Hi Janurse,
thank you so much for answering to me email thing :') Means a lot to me!
I have had a psychiatrist for so many years now it's unbelievable. I almost went to a Clinic but I'm such a perfectionist and bargained and begged until they let me stay at home. I had a wonderful counsellor, but I stopped seeing her about 2 months ago as I thought I was doing well. I don't know why it's come back :'(
Makes me just want to crawl and die.
Oof xx
hey ruth,
welcome to the site!! you've done so well for reaching out :-)
do not give up, honey, ED is not worth it at all.
could you possibly contact your former counselor again? just explain that you're in a downward spiral again. this is completely normal during recovery. none of us only go uphill!
have you told your parents that you're feeling your anorexia taking over again? the more you open up about it, the more power you'll have against this **** disease.
love
maedi
Welcome to the site Ruth. Congrats on being in recovery ♥ I have a feeling that once we are diagnosed with an ED, the voice may get quieter, but it is still always apart of us in some way. The important thing to remember is that you are not alone, December tends to be a tough month for everyone...and as we all know the more stressed we are, the more we seek comfort with ED...Hang in there ♥ you've accomplished too much to throw it away now.
Hello everyone :)
Thank you sooo much for emailing me! I was really getting so sad and crying so much because I felt so alone!
Unfortunately I can't talk to my parents about this stuff at all :( They just shout at me and tell me to eat more. I hate it when they say that, I just want them to understand. I try to talk to them and they just push me away. I know it's not their fault, that they're just worried, but it hurts :(
Glad I found you guys :D
Love Ruth
welcome to Support groups.
here you will find lots of support from wonderful girls( and occasionally guys--hehe) who understand....
love
maureen
ruth, did you contact your former counselor again?
xxx
Ruth,
I'm sorry your parents can't understand, but is there a counselor at your school, or another adult in your life who could help you get professional help?
The reason 'it came back' is because without long-term, comprehensive treatment, an eating disorder is not likely to just go away. It requires a lot of hard work and changes, and learning new ways to cope with pain and emotions.
I hope you will reach out to your counselor, a family member, or someone else you trust. Please don't give up and use your voice! Take care...Jan ♥
Hey girl!!! This is a great place to get support and help eachother to get a full recovery. Let us know what's on your mind and we can remind you that everything is going to be okay!! Message me if you're ever having a hard time <3
Ruth,
Welcome to Support Groups! I'm sorry you're struggling again... You say you just stopped seeing your counselor? Perhaps you could call her directly and tell her what's going on? I'm glad you found us... This is a great place to write. We DO understand. ♥
Love,
Jen
^_^ Today I felt really awful again, I woke up and just walked miles and miles in the snow because ED was sizzling away in my mind...but then I remembered I had some people I could talk to on here!
I came back and had 5 new messages, each very lovely. Thank you sooo much guys-you have no idea how much it means to me!
I am going to phone my counsellor tomorrow, although I'm a bit scared because I don't want to seem a disappointment to her. Maybe I will see her again once the snow has gone.
Happy christmas, thank you for making me feel so welcome :)
Ruth x
it's understandable that you are scared, hun! it's never easy to have to admit that we need help. but if your counselor is as good as she seems she will be all professional - understanding that EDs never just disappear but that there will be relapses yet happy and proud that you were able to recognize it, willing to admit to it and trusting enough to go back to her. it is the right thing to da, ruth!
and dont just wait for the right weather, do it NOW!! ED never waits so you shouldnt either. after all, attack is the best defence!!
let us know how you are getting on!
love
maedi
Hi oof,
I don't know anything about eating disorders or what you are going through but I wanted to support you. I hope you are okay and getting help from healthcare professionals so that you can be the best person you can be, and not feel the struggle you are describing in your instant journal or discussion page. Thinking about you with lots of my own personal spiritual faith. LS.
Hi LS,
thank you for your lovely comment, made my day-honestly! Is that a bit sad haha?
Thank you Maedi for what you said ^_^ It feels amazing to have someone who actually seems to 'get it'. If you know what I mean. I have the best friends in the world, but whenever we talk about it they seem to glaze over and get very awkward. I know it's not their fault-I'd be the same, but if can get pretty lonely.
I am going to phone my counsellor boxing day, definately. Thanks for giving me the pep talk!
Fighting gloves are on hehe ^_^
Hope you all have a wonderful christmas!
Ruth x
so ruth! boxing day is over (hgope u had a great xmas btw) and i was wondering if you got a chance to call your counselor?? :-)
let me know how you're doing!
love
maedi
Hi Maedi,
Thank you for your message :) I had a good christmas thank you! I hope you did too!
I tried to phone my counselor, but I just feel kind of crap at the moment so gave up. I know, I'm a coward haha.
I will try again soon...sorry :(
Ruth x
Keep those fighting gloves on Ruth. I am glad you found this place also.Your not alone here..many of us understand how you are feeling . Sharing your feelings here can be very helpful. Just over a year ago I was diagnosed with anorexia (with the exception I wasn't underweight). I was in denial for a while but this site and many wonderful friends on here helped me see the reality.
Its a great place to feel connected because of all the support..Welcome to this site..
remember keep those fighting gloves on we are here to help.
AG♥
Hi anonymousgirl,
thank you for your comment! :)
I can definately understand how you say sharing feelings here can be helpful. I've only been on here for one week and already feel a bit calmer and stronger seeing people able to understand me :D Thank goodness I accidently stumbled across this site!
I hope you are doing well and keeping those fighting gloves on too :)
Ruth xx
Hi Ruth
Well done for sharing and for wanting to get help. I hope you manage to pluck up the courage to give your counsellor a call at some point soon. You can do it, I know you will find that courage from somewhere!! Keep strong
xx