Need support

im suffering from anorexia and have been on and off for approx 19 years. it has too much of an hold over me. i have a strong desire to not get better but suffering from other physical conditions as a result. my partner has found out that he now is seriously ill physically. i really need to get better because he really needs me now. my mental health is not so good neither. but need to start with the anorexia part first. although i need to get better and i do want to sometimes i find myself at certain times not wanting to get better and i dont know why. anyway i need to so i guess it doesnt really matter about wanting still got to do this.

hey, welcome to the site. i hope it'll help you as much as it does me :-)
i can really understand you about not wanting to but having to for the sake of someone else. that's where i'm at too.

have you considered getting counselling or going to a group? no ED, especially if it's been with you for so long, can be dealt with all by yourself. we're here to help and support but i feel you need more than just that (i plan on going inpatient simply cause i know i won't get anywhere otherwise).