Hello..I'm new to the group. I wish you all well in your journey. I'm the mom of an almost 18 yo daughter who has recently developed binge eating disoder. 4 years ago she was a little on the heavy side and throw a very structured and sensible diet plan lost the weight and was a very heatlhy and normal weight range for the past year....however, she has underlying OCD and anxiety issues and this past December it manifested itself in binge eating disorder. Previously she would severely limit food and overexericse...but has now swung the other way...she has gained 40 pounds since December due to binging. We have seen nutritional counselors, weight watchers, and has been seen a couselor for over a year now...it's a stressful year for my daughter (graduating HS, college apps, school work..etc)...so all this stress and underlying anxiety are resulting in the binge....She understands this and her counselor is great...we just started with meds to help the OCD thoughts...and both her regular doctor and her counselor believe this will help and hopefully address the binge eating as well. As a mother, I'm seeking support as to how to help my daughter. This is becoming all consuming and causing great stress for my family. My husband (her dad) sees the problem but doesn't really understand. I'm trying to educate him and he's been to a few therapy sessions. Anxiety runs in my husband's family (long list of situations...I'll spare you the details) so some of this could be heritary. I'm trying to be very supportive of my daughter, however, I do get angry (not at her...I don't want to add to her stress) because her binges are affecting the family...I can't keep food in the house and when I have things that I need to feed the rest of the family (there are 2 younger siblings in the house), due to her binges, sometimes I have nothing for their lunches etc. I've tried to rationally and calming explain to my daughter that I do understand and want to help but as part of recovery she needs to recognize how this is affecting others. From a practical standpoint, I can't keep buying more food...so I've had to resort to hiding food sometimes...I feel bad for doing this.....and my husband (her dad) gets upset...I shop very healthy....we don't have lots of junk in our house....but I can't even keep peanut butter for my 6 year old daughters lunches because my older daughter eats it all when on a binge. The binges happening one -3 times a week...and sometimes she goes a week or two without a binge. HELP...please help me understand what to say/not to say to help. The upside is my daughter understands all this and wants to get better and feels guilty and upset. She truly wants to get better.
Hello...I'm sorry that your daughter, and really, your entire family are suffering from this. An eating disorder is often considered a family illness, just for this reason.
Your daughter could benefit from seeing a therapist, and possible being in a treatment program. Losing weight and limiting her intake (eating healthy, etc.) is what is leading to her bingeing. It's a biological reaction to weight loss, with an underlying emotional component.
A structured meal plan that included all foods could be helpful, but also having help to deal with stress in ways that don't involve food is a critical part of what she needs right now.
If you have to lock up certain foods, that's OK, but it would be great if your daughter could have a time in a structured program, learning to eat enough, but not binge, so that the household doesn't have to conform to her needs. What can you do? I think letting her know that you are there for her, and that you want to help. Ask her what she needs. She may not know, but being the 'food police' is usually not very effective.
Please talk to a professional, and if you need to see someone for yourself, please do so.
Wishing you well.....Jan ♥
Thanks, Jan... the good news is, we are seeing a good therapist and her doctor is also very supportive. I think you are right...we cannot be "food police"...as it creates good foods and bad foods....it's more about learning to cope with food in general. I'm going to stop doing that...because I can see it's just creating more guilt. That said, I don't think it's fair to stock the house with total junk that is just screaming at her (or anyone! to Eat ME!!).... I think if I can make it as normal as possible...that is the first step....more than anything, she has expressed that she just wants to be normal and not have food be an issue. I think in our attempts to "help" her....we have made it an issue.
We've also seen a very good nutritionist who is helping us learn to see food a fuel for our bodies and how to work best within the parameters of what our body needs.... I think we need to schedule a few more of those sessions.
Most of all, thanks for listening.
prwendy, I think that it would be very beneficial for your daughter to start keeping a journal of when she binges, what she binges on and why (what's going on that day / time, where she is, feelings, etc). This will help her to identify what her triggers are and then as a family you can work together to avoid those triggers (if possible) and develop positive coping methods that don't include food. For example, if she binges every time she's home alone in the evening then you can try to make it so that she's not home alone during those difficult times of the day or have an activity prepared that she can throw herself into to avoid a binge when she's having the urges and cravings. Also, for me it really helped to eat more frequently. I have healthy, properly portioned meals and snacks approx. every 3 hours. I find that if I get the urge to binge I can remind myself that I will have a scheduled meal or snack soon and go for a walk or knit or play a game or read a book, etc to distract myself and usually the need to binge goes away. For the times that this does not work I drink herbal tea because it is a natural appetite suppressant and as long as you use sweetener or honey instead of sugar you're not going to load up on calories. I think that the fact that you are here and reaching out shows that you have a loving and supportive household and that is key because more than anything I think your daughter just needs those constant reminders that you are there for her and that you accept her for who she is.
Hey,
I am so sorry for what is going on with your daughter, as a fellow sufferer, I completely empathise with her situation and how hard, embarrasing and shameful it feels to be like this. You are such a great Mom and I can tell you are doing your best, and just by loving, listening and not judging that is so important.
Also therapy, therapy has and is proving to be invaluable to me and I'm sure her. I found the book Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth too particularly insightful I would definitely recommend it. Often when we are times of struggle we turn to food, it's our coping mechanism, some have shopping, alcohol, cigarrettes, while food is our drug of choice. And sometimes we run to it before we even allow the food to hit in before we allow our feelings to even hit in, so don't be surprised if you ask is there something upsetting you and you get a I don't know answer, because in all honestly she very well may not know, cos she is trying to escape her emotions with food.
I am not surprised this is causing upset in the family especially with younger kids, as they don't really understand why someone would hurt themselves in such a way, they probably think their sister really likes her food, however this is not the case at all, she is diverting her emotions onto the food.
Keep talking here and get your daughter to keep talking and let her know she is not alone in this at all.
But this is not something she is "stuck with" no matter how hopeless the day gets for her, far from it, this is something she can get through, and it's not about weight at all, it really isn't, it's about what's going on underneath it all.
Keep doing what you're doing
Love to you
Moongal x
Thanks all...your support means so much to me....I think the important thing I'm learning is that we need to take it one day at a time...and it isn't about the food...that has just become the crutch.
I'm also helping my daughter see that we don't need to necessarily worry about everyone at once....we just need to take one day at a time (as trite as that sounds) and get through today and look only at today....the tackle tomorrow when it comes, and each day after...
You never think these kind of problems are going to affect you/your family...but in breaking the silence (both online and with close friends I can trust) I'm finding that we are not alone. Other families are dealing with the same issue or similar/equally stressful problems. Appearances are truly deceiving....I think a lot of families would never know what we are experiencing...because ED create shame...but knowing that others have been through it is comforting.