I am wondering with my situation.. How can one tell what the difference is between real love and dependency??
Hurtnbroken, I found this information, which I think may give you a bit of insight regarding the difference between real love and dependency;
"Love and dependency are as different as night and day.
Although at times they may look and even feel the same,
understanding the differance may be the only way to preserve self-esteem.
Whenever we are dependent, we devalue ourselves.
Addiction always results in the loss of freedom and dignity.
To compulsively cling to any relationship is to forgo choice,
which is a requisite of love. Rather than loving as an act
of free will, we are simply acting out an addiction.
When a relationship focuses only on the wishes
and needs of the other, self-respect is impossible.
The person experiencing an addicitive relationship suffers enormous
stress at the thought of losing the relationship. Thus there
is irrational willingness to do, say, or think whatever
it takes to keep the relationship going. Self-esteem
is always traded off in such situtations. Whether
we deny them or not, we do have our own needs.
What we think matters, how we feel counts, and what we have
to say must be listened to and taken seriously. Fear, not love,
is what impells us to put any relationship before our own well well-being.
Emotional independence is a must for my self-esteem
as well as for my relationships."
Excerpt from: Believing In Myself~Daily Meditations for Healing and
Building Self-Esteem~Authors:
Earnie Larsen & Carol Hegarty