Needs thoughts on chivalrynot sure what to do

I was just asked to catch-up with a man with whom I went out with quite some time ago. It was a great date that ended badly when he wasn't very much of a gentleman. I would always like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt in hopes that they've improved upon these not so great facets. So, I initially agreed to meet with him and then he told me that he'd like to meet in his town "selfishly" so that he doesn't have to deal with traffic. I was so turned off by him at this stage and responded with "whatever happened to chivalry".

I am really trying to be open minded here; is it bad for me to stand my ground and have him come to me if he really wants to see me. I'm a very traditional girl and the thought of driving to him [most especially after how he treated me] feels very wrong.

Am I looking too much into this? Should I be open minded here? I'd appreciate any and all opinions/comments. Thank you so much!

Good girl Pup wish more of us could be as quick to the draw as yourself, way to go & very smart still. You are doing exactly what should be done in teaching people HOW to treat us & please keep doing it, sooooo I bet you gonna shut that show down huh?????? I'm so glad women are maturing & learning so much better than us old folks & should get what they really deserve in life, respect,consideration,honor,caring,protection,compassion etc, etc......... & Thank you, I feel like I just gave birth again :=) Big HUG

April

haha im your old fashioned gal too.

i didnt agree to burn my bra so that men could have me open the door for them, although i am more than capable of doing that.

would it not make more sense to meet half way? that way u have both made an effort towards the relationship even if it stays casual, and u decide to be friends u at least know there is a meetin point u both will travel too.

as always

loving thoughts and positive vibes

Thank you both so much for your amazing advice, I love it! And I am looking at him as a friend and if there's anything beyond that, then it will show through. And, I will continue to honor my values.

I thought to follow-up on my original post after speaking to my best male friend, who is a true gentleman and quite chivalrous. He was quite angered by the fact that I would even consider going out with a guy [even as a friend] who wouldn't make a drive to see me and using traffic as an excuse. He said, "so, it's not ok for him to sit in traffic, but it's ok for you to do that...what kind of guy is this?". He really let me have it [in an incredibly loving and caring way] and set me straight. I already felt all of these things but I was trying to convince myself that maybe it would be ok if I looked at him as a friend. So, I'll be cancelling on him and moving right along to the next one.

lol

loving thoughts and positive vibes

Good friend, hes a keeper huh. =D

I agree with your friend!!! Why is it OK for you but not that guy to have to drive? It was rude of him to suggest it, I think, unless he had a REALLY good reason (like you get off work 3 hours earlier than him, etc).

Anyhow....if the date was HIS idea, HE should have driven or you guys should have met.

How come you aren't dating your FRIEND? He sounds like he cares for you.

good question joker girl

i was just about to ask if u should be dating him puppy dog lover

as always loving thoughts and positive vibes

Pup,
You make your own rules and expectations and if someone has a problem with it, screw them. It's your life, you should get what you think you deserve. As petty as you think you are being, it's what you want, and that's all that matters. DO NOT SETTLE. Nobody should have to settle in life. This may come across as me saying be selfish, but I kind of am. There are compromises one should make for the person they love, but clearly that isn't the situation with this guy. I feel that we try to put our best 'self' forward in the beginning of all relationships, and if this is the best this guy can do, forget it!

We all want to know your answer to jokergirls questions Pup, not attracted to your friend what?????? Do tell

Thank you all so much for all of your fantastic comments. All of them are thoughts and feelings that I totally and completely have about this guy; I felt quite saddened in that I wasn't worthy enough for him to sit in traffic to see me. Although, that may be asking a lot, but to make that comment blatantly and then not back down on it when I said; whatever happened to chivalry? In my little fantasy land, I imagine a man would do anything to get to me and be with me, and maybe that's asking too much.
And, I have thought about a romantic relationship with my friend time and time and time again, most especially since he's told me several times that he has feelings for me. But, I've never felt the chemistry and I've really tried to push past those feelings, but just can't go there with him. I value my friendship with him far more than exploring something romantic and then potentially losing one of my closest friends.
Again, thank you so much for all of your comments. I promise not to settle July...I haven't up until this point and most definitely will stay strong in not doing so.

Just some thoughts on the "friend thing"....I can sort of relate...and of course YOU know what is the right thing for you...I am glad you have a guy friend who you can trust. This is just ME.

When I was very young I had a series of very tumultuous relationships. These involved men who were generally "bad". I was the "good" girl. In these relationships I was exposed to abuse, cheating, criminal behavior, alcohol and drugs, and pretty much anything wild and reckless. I would shun a guy who was "good" or "nice" or "calm" because it was boring to me...in fact several "nice" guys who pursued me, I turned down. I was only attracted to "bad", "wild", and "crazy".

When I met my husband he was nice to me and I tried to give him a chance. I knew that I had to break out of this because I was never going to be able to get married to any of these other guys and have it last. I wanted to have kids and a home and even though at first I was not insanely attracted to my husband, I went along with things and it grew on me after a while. But to be honest, even when he proposed, and I accepted, I worried that I was making a mistake because I did not find him maddeningly attractive. (Of course all he would have needed to do is something "bad"). But I wanted a calm life and a family sooo badly.

And it has turned out okay! We have two teenage kids, and we have our problems but we have love for each other. I have become very much attracted to him and cannot imagine going to bed with anyone else. We are together for life. Boy I have found out some of those guys I used to go with have really turned out to be a mess! At least two of them have been to the pen (YIKES!) for stealing stuff or dope, one has been in a mental hospital, etc. They have all these kids with all these women and don't take care of them. I think most of these guys met the clinical definition of psychopathy. I was a psychopath magnet! LOL. So really my life has turned out a lot better than it could have.

Best wishes to all!!! :)

My husband and I were very good friend a long time before we actually started going together and dating. I knew he had feelings for me. He had told me so. When my mother asked if there was anyone in the area that I was interested in, he was the only one I thought of. Sorry, but the other guys in my area seemed to be a-holes. Before I started dating my husband, all the guys I had been interested in lived far away. I was not in love with my husband to begin with but I was very attracted to him. I knew he loved me because he had said so. So we started going together. Over the years I have grown to love him very much. We are still also very good friends as well as husband and wife. I am grateful to have him in my life. He is very good to me and for me. I shutter to think what my life would have been like if I had married some of the other fellows who asked me.

Wow Joker_girl! Thank you so much for sharing your story, it's quite eye opening. I am so happy for you and the path that you chose. I believe that sometimes you can be looking and looking and that something/someone is right in front of you. My mother told me that she married my father because he was the kindest and most genuine man she had ever met, not because there was strong chemistry. They've been married for over 38 years now.

And I love your story Bluidkiti, it's so inspiring. This all shows me that love can come in any form as long as you are open-minded and willing to take a leap of faith.

I do believe in friendship first and this friend of mine has been there for me through thick and thin. Do you ever have someone hug you and you feel so safe? That's how he makes me feel. We live in different cities but are in constant communication and I see him every month, so I plan to see him again in a few weeks. Maybe I will have to explore just to see if there's anything there.

Thank you so much for you support and guidance through this life that's quite an adventure!