neurostimulator.......HELP!

congrats hun, did you get a 9 month chip. oh that first year was so exciting. how many meetings are available each week? i so loved aa up north. very different here in houston. oh the side effects of some of those meds can be outrageous. thats one of the worst not being able to sleep. so is tonight a speaker meeting? how are your meetings run? oh i’m so excited for you. you go girl!

To say it lightly there are a lot of problems in our fellowship. How do you feel about young children in a meeting?specifically how would you feel about a five year old sitting across from you at a meeting with her mother?when the part of the reading is read that says if you have brought children please arrange for supervision an old-timer of six years blurts out DUCT TAPE and laughs. Unfortunately this woman is or used to be my sponsor. I have tried to explain how I feel. I know four members who have left because of the children. Nothing changes no matter what. The first time I turned in my keys and left for a couple weeks my sponsor texted me the comment no offense but praise the lord. Anyways tonight I quietly walked out during the meeting. I could not handle the duct tape comment. I said nothing but my action of walking out I am sure spoke volumes. Anyways I am sure this was my last na meeting here in jamestown. I do not drive so my out of town meetings are very limited. I could really use some of your wisdom tonight....I did not want it to come to the point of leaving permimately but I think going to the meetings is harming me more than helping. I am going to start attending my boyfriends bible study on Friday nights .it is not a church bible study instead it is pioneer ministries out reach. For me church doesn't work but I think this might be gods mercy in disguise. Tonight my boyfriend came and picked me up during his study and I was welcomed very warmly compared to the coldness I felt at the meeting. Well I am going to enjoy sometime with my sweetie before bed. Please your help and thoughts will be very welcomed.....

patience is a virtue hun. remember we are abunch of extremely self centered want everything the way we want it drunks/addicts. my sponser would say things like oh having a brat attack so your gonna take your toys and go home! mind you, its better with no children you can focus better without distraction. some don’t have babysitters, others bring them just because they do or can. i’d much rather see a parent with their child at a meeting than the parent out using with the child in tow. you could suggest that one person or more if needed could volunteer to keep the kids occupied. at one club some of the meetings worked that way. had a room with toys, coloring books, puzzles all donated. work together for a compromise. remember hun kids are in recovery to! of course if they are totally out of control…group consience meeting time. i did’nt set foot in church for many years but i got their eventually. love the holy scriptures. what do you think the 12 steps came from teeheehee lots of drunks/addicts don’t know that. if you want to hide something from an alcoholic put it in the big book. ever read the aa big book? highly suggested reading. you could also hit aa as well as na meetings. lots of options hun!

I don't go to aa because I have never drank. I never have been drunk. I have only had two or three drinks in my whole lifetime. I have tried open aa meetings and every time I have been cornered in the meeting that I am an addict and how if I think I have a 12 step problem I should seek out another fellowship other than aa. I have never been asked to leave but by the end of the meeting I had wished I had. My sponsor or other na friends have failed to contact me and that burns my insides too.I think I valued the people in the group way more than they have ever valued me. Maybe I am feeling sorry for myself but maybe it is true hat to them I am just another used up junkie that just will jus pass on thru. What do I do now?where do I go from here? I can say that my communication with my sweetie has improved since I have left.it is funny my sweetie has made several predictions about my so called friends and how they will interact with me and so far they have all come true. He predicted that after the first time I imploded at a meeting there would be another one just worse . He was right!I am going to go to my sweties bible stugy group. I am hoping with prayer that it will become a helpful place of support. How is your pain? Have you decided to have the surgery?is someone taking care of you as you are on bed rest?would you be interested in becoming my support friend so we don't have to broadcast our messages?let me know.I have been so busy preparing for my move to a two bedroom apartment on Friday. I wish you well .......

sure i’ll be your support friend. i’m unable to approve your request for some reason on the computer or the wii which i will be on for sometime. don’t know the specifics about the sponor or the friends so i can only comment on what you stated. as far as them not contacting you, have you contacted them. i’m sorry the folks at aa treated you in such a deplorable way. open meetings are just that open. na may or maynot be whats best for you. maybe the bible study group would be best. try and see. not everyone that seeks recovery ‘must’ go to na meetings. there could be reasons why they have’nt contacted you. speak with them and find out rather than assume. i believe your so angry because your so hurt. go to the source and ask is what may be best.
was your first implosion about the children or were there other issues at the meeting?
i have hubby who is taking real good care of me and my daughter also some friends. yup i’m having the surgery. waiting on 2 docs to get scheduled when they are both available. please let me know how your dong princess

Hi again.it is late but my sleep gets messed up real easily. Any major stress and my sleep gets screwed up for a week and sometimes maybe more. I had an enjoyable day. I spent time packing for my move. But I seem to be coping better with what has happened. I will get back to going to bobs relapse prevention support group after the move on Friday. I am thankful for the management allowing me four days sine I just had my stimulator removed little less than a month ago. I also have a lifting limit of ten pounds so the actual move will be interesting. I will do a lot of supervising my movers(just friends)the sleep disturbance tells me that I have not dealt with my feelings effectively and skillfully, so I will be sure to talk with my therapist this week .I feel resentful and revengeful.I gusse talking with them gives them what they want.they want to win. I feel that I am not doing what they want and that feels good for now.yes you could say it is a little taste of revenge. I don't want her to contro me any more. I will tell you more on the control subject later on when I tell you all about her mess ups in our relationship. I know I am hurt, in fact extremely hurt. There is so much hurt especially centered around my relationship with my sponsor.I have tried to let go of all my resentments toward her, I can't go back to her this time.I just can't. I am beginning to feel really overwhelmed right now so I am going to take a break and come back later tonight or in the morning.I wish you well until later....

ooo hun our feelings can do a job on us. its hard to think clearly when we are upset. better to do nothing until we have calmed down. is bobs relapse group the same as the na meeting? ca you what we called double dip-hit the relapse meeting then go to the bible study? where i lived and where i live now there were/are 100’s/1000’s of meetings all times each week. oh ugh moving is such hard work hun. just easy does it so soon after surgery. aahhh you mention those nasty little things that can control everything we think, do and say ‘resentments’. good that you see your therapist this week. do you go weekly/bi-weekly? oh resenments have taken me to the worst places in life as i was driven by them back in the day and did’nt realize it. i’m sorry you’ve been hurt and that your feeling revengeful. the good thing is that you know it. if i can help in any i’m here hun. hope your day is going well princess.

Today is okay. Bobs group meets daily but I go on mon we'd fri because there was a confidentiality mess involving my sponsor and another member that also attends both. That member was kicked out of bobs and then I agree to her going tues and thur.na and bobs are two separate meetings. Bobs is ran by the human service center and na is nonprofessional. I live in a very small town in rural north Dakota .thare are only three na meetings that has about regular ten regular meetings. My out of town meetings are rare because I don't drive. The one good thing is my boyfriend and I run the h&i meeting at the state hospital. It is a new meeting but is going well. It always helps because you can't keep what you have without giving it away. Talking about away,i need to go do paperwork for the move.until later.....lots of hugs....

sounds like there is a fair amount of various meetings for a small rural town. i picture like 100 and maybe a post office when i hear small rural town. maybe its because i’m from a city of over 4 million. so are you moving apartments or to a house? we own our home. well hun sounds like lots of contraversy at your meetings. hopefully you’ll be able to steer clear of the drama. i do hope you’ll be able to find a sponser who can keep confidences. i was blessed with several. have a good evening hun

I too will pray for you. May I ask you some questions about the whole thing? Please let me know at [email protected]. I am getting the first part, on the 24th and not getting my hopes up for everything else has been tried and tired of them getting crushed after each doctor, spc. etc. Take care and remember keep safe, strong and always God Bless.

Cordialy,

Joann B.