What am I here for, whats my purpose, why do I have to feel li to like this, When does it end and I get to live again if ever I did in the first place? This I know is part of what runs in my mind when Im down. It does not matter how long it takes or how hard I fight it, here is where I end up with these very empty thoughts that starve the very heart in me of love.
First off its exactly that point "starve the heart of love" that is the bottom result in me. I look really hard at that and at this point after all my life, I get that. The ultimate goal of any negatiove feeling we have, is to rob us of love and leave us feeling alone inside our own selfs. It makes perfect sence to me that anything bad and negative is exactly opposite of good and love. Love is so powerfull that dark empty and hate cant stand up to it. So for an empty vacume to exist there can be no good full feeling. Why then would it not make sence to rid all love then have no competition for existance. Thats lonley and empty feelings is it not?
We need sometimes to open our eyes to the fact that we are very sensative to fall pry to our negative side. No one here is alone, we are here for anyone who needs us and ourselfs as well. We here are love in a sence to everyone here in some form of angels with wings. You simply see yourself as single....one in your fight to be happy, to live life. We must calm our emotions before allowing us to decide to feel anything, first it makes sence that we atleast start from a level mind no? That would be fair hu? Meditation...talk, reassurance...support, love, someone who cares...we do and we are here. You only need give a mustured seed of effort to allow others in. People say they get hurt doing so. I believe we do, but why? Do we assighn blame to them ultimatley to end up alone blaming ourselfs? There it is again, the end result.
I think if we figure out the point we are headed to before we even take the ride there, we just might see from experience that we have a map within ourselfs. We can turn off the road if we know how and when. Some of us are able to have learned how. Some are on the journey and still learning. Some are lost still along the way. We must realize that though we love to help others. We all feel pain and alone ourselfs. Through helping and being there for someone els, you begin to feel their pain in yourself. We are people and human, we should aswell feel it, we love. Those of you that feel the sting of another seeming to give up on you in the middle of your pain must unanderstand that we care alot. We care so much that in helping you we might loose our balance so to say aswell and need to ourselfs recalibrate us to better help you. How can we help if we too are down feeling? If you can understand this it helps to realize, your not alone...we care so much we feel your pain aswell. I do not give into it if I can help it. No one here has their finger on the one trigger I personally have left to overcome. That is my heart. I will be here! I will not give in as I will not give in to my bipolar, I have been groomed all my life to live winning against bipolar and winning more then loosing feels good too. Remamber though it came slow and took time for me, I felt the lowest lows of suicide and the highest highs of a superman to myself anyway. I crashed many times and no matter what, I was here again to live weather I did nothing and felt bad,or not or tryed and lost or won. I was and am here alive and breathing. You too are here the same. You have what you have but you choose to do nothing if you do so. You do have a choice but it hurts to make it and try too, what hurts more trying and failing un trying till you learn and get it? Or crashing and burning only to awake empty? Better always, if you relize your doing and not wishing you could. Every time you try...you win even though it isnt always clear. Dark hates light, Trying means stepping into light...its the doorway in to love and healing. We are here for you and there is your door....you have only to open it and do so with an open mind to understand that we all love to our abylitys. Just by answering you, we show our love, our pain and our lessons learned along our paths. If we take a break suddenly, its just us recalibrating ourselfs. And we will return when we are feeling good enough to spread good, unclouded by our own thoughts like you. We are no different. I love you all as you are...Im just like all of you and I love me too!
If you want to stop the cycling of this bad disease called Bi-polar you have to get help and that means meds and therapy. I have been dealing with this for over 10 years and am proof positive that meds work along with therapy and DBT Classes. If you are serious about helping yourself you will get checked in with your local Behavioral Clinic today and make an apt.
you are a wonderful person, Bipolar's demons do not own you. you own it and you are defeating it. The love for yourself shines through my friend. Keep on with what you have learned and don't allow those demons to win. Congrats