Ok so now that I've realized I am an emotional shopper, what do I do now? It isn't enough to know this if I don't do anything about it. I have a great book coming from the library but in the meantime, where do I begin? How do I find out what I'm trying to fulfill with buying things? Could really use a veteran's help in starting this difficult path.
Hi Erin, welcome to Support Groups, thank you for being here with us and for sharing. I used to shop to fulfill a void, to the point where I would choose to buy new things versus paying bills. It was totally and empty fulfillment. I had to completely stop myself, I wouldn't allow myself any shopping whatsoever. I started spending time on myself, time on finding out what I was trying to fulfill. I spent a lot of time on my own, walking, running, at home meditating. Now, shopping is a reward and I only allow myself one item as that reward.
Great Advice, Puppy.
Erin, the first step to recovery is when you realize you are powerless over the shopping. It is a HUGE relization. It took me over a decade to get to this point.
There are many wonderful books on this subject and there is Debtor's Anonymous. The Book A Currency of Hope is the DA book, it follows hand in hand with the 12 step AA readings.
You do not have to be in debt to attend a meeting and I suggest you do so. There are so many people suffering from this and any insight you can get from listening to the stories of others is a blessing. These are people who are just acknowledging they have a problem, they need help with the problem and are there for each other in a very non-judgemental way.
Anyway, all my best-S
Thanks for sharing your story Erin. I have recently admitted to emotional shopping / over spending and being very much in debt because of it. I'm seeing a therapist and she has been really helpful. She's working with me to understand myself better and to really help me dig deep.
For me, it all stems from self discipline. I have very little! I had to look at my life and see all of the areas where I lacked self discipline... and shopping/spending wasn't the only area. I realized that for me, a lack of self discipline took on many different forms. Figuring out why I lack self discipline has been a tough journey, that I haven't completed yet. In the process though, I'm seeing things more clearly.
The first step I took to change things was to admit to my parents that I was in major debt. I went to them to ask for help getting a lower interest rate loan to pay off my credit cards. They agreed to help me, but I felt so ashamed to admit what I had done.
My mom has been very supportive of me and has been the one person I can go to when I'm feeling tempted to shop or spend. It helps to have someone you can confide in, who you can trust to know about your problem and someone who will give you positive support.
My next step was joining this support group. Being able to share my story openly and hear others' words of wisdom has helped quite a bit.
Each day is a struggle and every trip out into the world, where stores are just waiting for me... even the internet, where ebay and amazon are easily accessible... is a challenge. But I set small goals for myself. I started by trying not to spend any unnecessary money for one day, then two and one week and so on.
It sounds like you have a great start, by coming here and reserving a book at the library. You'll find your groove in your recovery soon! Best of luck to you!
Thank you everyone for your words of wisdom! So far, I have not gotten the book from the library, but I am working on a one day at a time theme. It has been 3 days, and I have not spent any money unnecessarily!! I have asked my husband to keep me accountable until I get used to this new way of being, and he has done a great job! I have kept all of my receipts so he can verify my not buying things that weren't on my list, and so far so good. I still found myself wanting to go to the stores when he got his paycheck, but I did not, and we still have money left from his paycheck. That is unheard of I usually have it spent on the second day.
You sound just like me. My husband uses the Mint Financial Software to monitor my credit cards. That way I can't hide anything. I have recently been grounded. I really don't shop to hurt my husband, but it does. I think talking about my secret problems is really helping me. I also haven't spent anything on my credit cards. Keep focused, I wish you lots of success.
Hi Erin, how are you doing and feeling today? How is everything progressing for you?
I"m doing ok so far...it has been about a week since I spent money on anything unnecessary without speaking to my husband. I hope to get to a point where it will become habit...I was proud of myself the other day because i wanted to buy a drink at Subway when I was there with my sister, but I put it back and didn't do it. That made me proud to have that self control. I find myself more worried about saving than I used to be - maybe we can put some money in savings now.
Erin, excellant job, keep up the good work & as you mentioned you will eventually make it a habit as you stay consistant. Have you ever thought about putting money away for your retirement? It would be a start & you'll find security in knowing you'll be just fine when the time comes to retire.
Stay strong friend.
April
Great job in resisting the temptation to buy something. I have found it liberating to be able to go into a store and not buy one thing I didn't need. I think it also helps to have an excuse on not to buy. Hang in there, the weekend is here. That is my worst time, since I am not at work.
posted elsewhere
I did find a way to start a new thread so I don't take away from Erin's support group. Good luck Erin, and I hope you get your book from the library soon.