New around here but here goes, diagnosed with schizoeffectiv

New around here but here goes, diagnosed with schizoeffective disorder about 13 years ago. Been managing pretty well up until about 3 months ago. A lot of sleepless nights, and when i do sleep I have nightmares about my past. Not in a position to get professional help at the moment though Im working on that. Can't get my family to understand I just dont function like them. Been feeling lost, alone, worthless. Just looking for a place where I am understood and not judged. Feels like no matter how hard I try, Im not good enough. I do alot around my house, cooking, cleaning, even babysitting my niece while my sister is at work. But I get nothing back except what I did wrong or what I didnt do. I dont even try to talk to them anymore, it just seems to go in one ear and out the other with them. Even been secretly cutting again. I just dont know what to do anymore. So Im letting it out here. Even just this post is helping somewhat. I will be getting back on medication soon. Just trying to hold on until then.

1 Heart

Sorry to hear that man you still have a sense of worth if you are thinking of getting professional help and hopefully it will work ik it will.With ur family you can maybe get a family counselor if they are for it and have a mediator in the room when you can explain how you feel hopefully that works.The reason why you might feel alone is because you may think like me ur the only one with this diagnosis.You will find a better ground to stand on you will get better just don't lose the vision you want to be and let no one take that away from you guard it well.I had my sister be the same way with my nephews and nieces never saying thank you but if you don't expect the thank you you might not feel less appreciated just know ur doing the right thing by helping and keep going strong man it will get better it has to.Praying and hoping god helps you cause hes good like that just ask.tc man god bless love ya

1 Heart

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I agree with the post above. Try to get them involved in your counseling, or find books or information online about the diagnosis that you can give them. I know some family members don't want to hear about my daughter's illness and blow it off, too, which upsets even me. You have to try and remember that sometimes people deal with stress and other emotions differently from you. It isn't that they don't care. I know for me, I try to stay strong around my daughter and sometimes cry at night when everyone is asleep. In other words, you might feel as if they don't care, but they may be just putting on a front. Also, being a working mom, I can say that sometimes I am just so tired and stressed out, that I may not always express my gratitude, but I do feel it. (I'm trying to see things from both sides). One thing I have learned in life is that you have to do nice things for people without expecting anything back, otherwise you will be disappointed. Also, you can't make people act the way you think they should. You sound like a really caring person. It makes me sad to hear that you are cutting. My daughter did that, too. Please try to find other outlets--drawing, painting, taking a walk, talking to someone on here. Meds have made all the difference for my daughter. You matter and are important. Hang in there. We are all here if you need to vent. God bless.

Thanks guys. Needed to hear things like that. Doing a little better since this post actually. You guys are right, I shouldn't expect anything for doing good for others, I was raised better than that. Just had a hard time dealing with things the last little while. Happy to say I haven't cut since this post and and next time I get the urge, gonna try picking up my guitar instead of a knife. Haven't been playing near as much as I used too anyway. In the process of getting all my paperwork together so I can go find a therapist again. Haven't had one of those in a few years. Talking on here feels good, so I shall continue to do that as well.

1 Heart

@Music_Fiend Good job. Take it 1 day at a time of no cutting. Go 1 day, then 2, and then so on. Stay away from cutting. Stay strong, it will get better. If you can, get a King James Version Holy Bible, and start reading. You can know and understand God better. Keep praying and believing, and find a local Church in your area, with also a therapist. But most important, a KJV Holy Bible. You will start feeling better.