New here- and new to mommyhood- having a hard time

I'm 29 and my husband and I had our first baby, a perfect little girl, almost ten weeks ago. For the first four weeks, I was on cloud 9. We had been trying, we were hoping for a girl, she was born big and healthy (at 9lbs4ozs she was "healthy" enough to separate my pelvis and give me third degree tears). She is absolutely adorable and I love her so much.
About four weeks after she was born, it started. My worst fear: post-partum depression. I immediately got in to see someone and went on medication (I have a history), but the doctor is very conservative and titrating the dose painfully slowly.
Meanwhile, I'm back at work (I get to take the baby with me) and also trying to run my business part time. Since my husband works 7 days a week, I have to do all of the household things. At first, I thought being busy would help the depression, but it's stronger than I am. I lost my baby weight (47 pounds) in less than 9 weeks. I have no appetite and I can't sleep. I have been using prescription medications to function. Pretty soon, this is all going to come crashing down. I might be completely off the mark of what this forum is about, but I'm a first time mom, and I've having a hard time...

A lot of new mothers go through post-partum depression but it's really important that you let your doctor know! It is nothing they haven't heard before and is completely normal but you want to get help for it ASAP. I had it too and was scared. It didn't hit me for about 4-5 months after my son was born, but when it hit, it hit hard and hung around for quite some time. I ended up on Celexa for it. Please don't feel badly about having a hard time being a new mom. It WILL get easier. I'm sure you're a fantastic mom! =) Congrats on the new baby!

Thanks Jen
There are definately good days and bad days. Right now, the baby is sleeping, my husband is getting out groceries for the week, and I am just...being. It is so wonderful and so rare.

Well I understand Completely I am haven a very simalar situation! My daughter is almost 5 months and i am struggling with the same thing! Hang in there, thats what i am doing!

I also had a difficult delivery with my second child (my son)... tearing, unable to get an epidural because my doctor didn't get to the hospital in time, it wasn't fun. I was in and out of the hospital, and seeing various doctors because I just wasn't doing well. Numerous doctors told me these symptoms were all in my head. Finally, after a few months of this, my doctor diagnosed me with postpartum depression (probably because he had no more excuses to give me!) At that point, I could definitely feel the depression. He prescribed me Welbutrin and after a few weeks, I was feeling a lot better. After 3 months of feeling great, he decided to take me off of it, but it was way too soon and I came off it way too fast. My PPD came back within a month of being off the meds, so I had to go back on it. It's been over 2 years now, and I'm still trying to get through this postpartum depression. I have also since moved and found a new doctor who specializes in postpartum depression and natural hormone balancing. She explained to me that the postpartum depression develops because the progesterone hormone is too low. My progesterone level never went back up after I had my son, causing the postpartum depression. Now, I am taking a bio-identical progesterone (made from wild yam) to bring up my level and am feeling much better. And since it's bio-identical, it's made to act exactly like the hormone your body would produce, meaning no bad side effects or drug interactions. I am still on the Welbutrin until my progesterone level evens out, and then I will slowly come off of it. I highly recommend that you find a doctor that knows about hormone testing and check your progesterone level. I'm also 29 yrs old (27 when I had my son), and I didn't think I would have to deal with hormone imbalancing just yet, but it made a big difference! I'm not a doctor in anyway, but I thought I would share my story, and perhaps it may help. Things will get easier!! I'm here if you need to talk too! =)

You also sound like you keep very busy. Make sure that you get enough sleep. Sleep deprivation can play a part with hormone imbalances and depression.

AgentScully,

Couple of things you might try (dont' laugh)...get some niacine, take about double the recommended dosage (won't hurt you) and eat a couple of handfuls of cashews a day.

I said don't laugh.....research it...niacine helps depression and you can take quite a bit of it without it hurting you and the cashews do help.

I am in a very similar situation. My son is 11 weeks old and I had been two unsuccessful pregnancies before him, so he was very much wanted. I was worried about getting PPD too because I have struggled with depression and mood disorders in the past and I am against most medications. I also knew that I wanted to do whatever I could to breastfeed because I was not able to breastfeed my firstborn and I felt poorly about it in some ways. Things were a real struggle as far as nursing goes, but I had finally gotten it figured out. Then the PPD hit and the doctors started suggesting that I quit nursing to go on meds, which the thought of doing made me even more depressed. I ended up continuing nursing while taking a medication that we do not believe to be harmful to the baby. Sometimes I still worry about it long term though. Sometimes I still have low days and then I feel even worse, as if even the medications aren't helping so I must be completely beyond help! It sounds silly when I say that though, but in those moments, that is how it feels.

In addition to my 11 week old I have my (almost) 5 year old with me all day, I am working on my Master's degree online, and I have been running my own business to help make ends meet. My fiance is a PhD student, so he isn't around much to help with the kids or the house and he certainly doesn't bring in much money at this stage of life. Everything can feel overwhelming at times. Last week my older son got hurt during a soccer game and nearly busted his two front teeth out. The dentist says there is a 50% chance they will fall out soon and, if not, they will turn black. That was enough bad news to push me back over the edge into depression. I just feel like a failure when it comes to almost everything these days. I don't wallow in it anymore and it doesn't feel as painful as it did before the medications. But it is just kind of always there, waiting just around the corner.