New here and reluctantly admitting it- I'm addicted to Adderall

I was prescribed Adderall recently- I neglected to tell my psychiatrist that when I was prescribed it in college- I heavily abused it. I was scared to start taking it again, but I feel like my life is overwhelming and I need it to get everything done. I had a beautiful baby girl almost 10 weeks ago. When she was 5 weeks old, I went back to work- taking her with me. My husband works 7 days a week, so the child care and house stuff is up to me, in addition to work. I have pretty bad post-partum depression and I think that's part of the reason I took the prescription, even though I knew better. I've been so flakey at work, I was worried about getting fired and losing our health insurance. With the Adderall, my productivity has tripled. I even got a raise!
I tend to have a problem with things that increase dopamine- namely stimulants and opiates. Everything else I could care less about.
Needless to say, I will not be getting another prescription, because I can't stop taking it. I'm going to run out way before my appointment and be in withdrawal hell. I can't believe I allowed this to happen when I have a baby who needs me. How could I be so irresponsible? I had this whole plan for controlling my use, and it all went out the window. Now I'm faced with- how do I get through the withdrawal on top of the PPD? I take Lithium and Prozac, but that will do nothing for the onslaught of dopamine deficiency I'm in for. I can't afford to sleep for three days and be depressed. Is there a medicine or a supplement that will rebuild my dopamine? I guess I'm glad I figured this out and accepted before I had been on it too long. I just can't afford to do anything that would comprimise my baby.
I will, of course, tell my doctor that I am unable to take this medicine because I've abused it.

Hi AgentScully, I think telling your doctor is the best and right thing to do. They can best help you with this. Maybe they can also answer you question on a medicine or supplement that will help you. Please keep coming back and letting us know how you are doing. We are here for you. ((((hugs))))

how were you able to abuse it in college? The doctor will only give you one prescription a month.

I don't agree that telling the doctor is always the best. My doctor did not think that I had problems and prescribed more than 40 mg. Just a legal pimp.

I GIVE YOU CREDIT FOR OWNING UP TO YOUR PROBLEM.WHAT ELSE ARE YOU DIAGNOSED WITH? MY GUESS IS BIPOLAR FROM THE MOOD STABILZER LITHIUM. I SUFFERED FROM POST PARTUM DEPRESSION SO BAD AND I HONESTLY FEEL THAT IF THAT WAS UNDER CONTROL YOU MAY NOT FEEL YOU NEED THE ADDERALL SO BAD.ZOLOFT DID THE TRICK FOR ME FOR THE PPD. ANOTHER REASON I ASKED YOU ABOUT YOUR DIAGNOSIS IS BECAUSE, ARE YOU ACTUALLY ADD OR ADHD? ALSO HOW MUCH ADDERALL WERE YOU PRESCRIBED AND HOW MUCH WERE YOU TAKING? BELIEVE ME I KNOW HOW HOW MUCH THAT EXTRA ENERGY FEELS, AS I AM A SINGLE MOM WORK A FULL TIME JOB AND HAVE 2 KIDS UNDER THE AGE OF 4 AND SUFFER FROM CHRONIC LYMES DISEASE WHICH HAS LED TO FURTHER DX OF FIBROMYALGIA -WHICH IM NOT SURE I AM TRULY BELIEVE PLUS MY OTHER PAIN & MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES. KEEP YOUR HEAD UP, IF NOT FOR YOU THEN FOR THAT BEAUTIFUL BABY AND GET ANY TYPE OF HELP THAT YOU NEED.PLEASE KEEP IN TOUCH

I feel your pain- I have access to almost unlimited adderall and it is HARD to not take it all the time. Since you have a very young child and as you said, you can't afford to sleep through the detox, and on top of that PPD- I think it's critical you tell a psychiatrist that you trust. There's very little you can do in the way of easing your withdrawal symptoms without a doctor's help.

If you are upfront about suffering from post partum depression and subsequently abused your prescription, I think any decent psychiatrist will understand. Anyone suffering that deeply is VERY vulnerable when prescribed an addictive medication. Do not beat yourself up over this, PPD is one of the most painful things to go through, and a mother will do anything to be there for her child. Being in that state and having access to something you know will allow you to do all the things you need to, you barely had a chance! You deserve credit for noticing it, owning up to it, and dealing with it. You're not irresponsible, you're a mother who was desperate to be better for her child and did what you thought you could handle. This doesn't make you weak or careless or a bad mother- it makes you human.

A doctor can help you wean off the Adderall so you don't suffer debilitating withdrawals that will keep you from functioning for your child, as well as provide you with the help and support for coping with the PPD. I honestly think you will do very well if you're just honest with them. You're going to need a planned detox and treatment for addiction and PPD in order to ease out of this. You deserve to be reasonably comfortable during this, an addict doesn't have to suffer excruciating withdrawal with no relief just because they made a mistake. You identified your problem and you are entitled to some assistance so don't feel like you don't deserve it.

Don't get me wrong, reasonably comfortable is the key phrase, it won't be a trip to the spa. But give yourself a break and some credit. You were extremely vulnerable and I commend you for recognizing it and reaching out for help. You're going to get through it and you're going to be a wonderful mom.

Abbey

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breath in girl!!!!!like dont half *** it deep deep breath in
our thoughts our manic guilt stressed out words on words on words that go through our head like a typewritter all **** day (crazy right) i feel the need to just like shake it out sometimes,,

****************** chill breath out those thoughts n blow em out
thats the inside of our head..every notice how u can just make urself worried sick??? thoughts give u tension if negative tension is stress and so on these thoughts r doin all them mind tricks. the very top OF HEAD where i like to think the thoughts happen negative worru ect is 3rd eye chakra) we hav 7 chakras that begin at top of head and work right down.
im not sure if you are firmilar with these but its ok, just imagine a time when addict crazy bull**** brain has once snuck around the corner. u are now thinkinh about it or how it could help ; a craving
its your thought that migt just go running down the other direction away from control and sobriety orrrr u could do some excercozes i remembe i used to always be very hippie earthy ect ect and adderall came in and boom gone. so i always thought oh god here we go abother thing i have to do or fight due to this fkin addditctins dont look at it like that doing thins gfor yourself even simply writting one journal entry or a hot bath or yoga or breathing will make u feel better due to adderall but honestly ya dont need a reliance or addiction to want to do this. it feels good its relaxing its centering urself. now with a baby u really need some balence . but it helps me when i get stressed or have a craving to imagine each color of our chakras (there are 7) as apart of ME my soul my havan, drugs and pills dont have that they are the addicion a monster a seperate entity.so i close my eyes and deep breath slowly paying attention to top of head first breath through neck be loud hha deep breaths breath out mindful negativity and just pretending basically that its cleaing it out
+++++++breath in all the **** u feel thats not so good now slowly it out and out
do this all the way down your body focusing on different parts
weather or not u tihnk of chakras when u do this doesnt matter but if u are interested u should look this stuff up. quitting adderall is a everyday thing mentally physically it has depleated us. it showed us look at me and all i can get done for u .. u never could before.. oh looks at all this weight i lost so quickly..ect.ect.
that is not natural
or healthy
good foods good body equals healthy mind..healthy clear mind, happy mommmy :) kids now can do ANYTHING theyve seen it all we have so much to offer right now in terms of how young kids are growing up. with computers and how schools are changing and friggen iphones but also feeling the economy,, no kids dont pay bills but they know whats up and yes its possible we can go down..our parents were taught college than get the beautiful house and job, its not like that. and thats a heavy transition on kids now..they need to know that they can do watever they put their mind heart and soul to and know this from life experience but also the ones they love and look up to most. you.
we can wake up go to work all day come home cook dinner wind down snuggle up hit the hay and feel great the next day, no adderall
u no what adderall does,,it makes u feel like u cant do those things how dare u without me? it says
here sit on computer or go clean or study for 12 hours than dont eat get malnutritioned and being socially ackward oh and also no sleep.
im intense here im sorry. but ive just gone down this road and knew i would stil be recovering or tring to 5 years later.
it strips us of who we are but its nothing that we cant layer backon
our witt
our humor
keeping good friendships still (sorry to busy,,,with what exactly)
our nutritin
our drive
ive noticed not being able to show to much effection without feeling like fake prob cuz im hideing it from my boyfriend but just think u wouldnt wan that for ur daughter

also fresh veggies fruit protein water water

and loook into these two natual vitamins

L THEANINE
unique anxiety stabalizer mood enhancer dopamine and seratonin help as well. since adderall can do that either way this is great for depression and anxiety

Additional Benefits
L-theanine has a significant effect on the release or reduction of neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin, resulting in improved memory and learning ability. L-theanine may also influence emotions due to its effects on the increased release of dopamine. L-theanine reduces brain serotonin concentration by either curtailing serotonin synthesis or increasing degradation in the brain

big one here two for energy and all that completly safe llok it uo
l tyrosine

http://www.livestrong.com/l-tyrosine-benefits/

BOTH good for post partum and depression as well