Hi all - I'm a 22, almost 23 year old female. Just wanted to ask what you all think of this. I have had what I think is a Pure O obsession for the past year and a half. It has spiraled completely out of control and I've been seeing a psychiatrist for the past year that has been helping me cope.
I used to work at a daycare center. I've loved kids my entire life and have had numeruous babysitting jobs and experiences with young kids before I started my daycare job in 2007. 2007 and 2008 went great - no weird thoughts, no OCD obessions. Then, one day last summer, I took a child to the bathroom. He was in a preschool class and teachers have to stay in the bathroom with kids because they're not allowed to ever be left alone. I took him back to class and don't recall any anxiety the rest of the day... until I got home. When I got home I just randomly started asking my husband if I am a pedophile.. and I started asking, well what if I did something to that child in the bathroom? Even though I couldn't pinpoint an exact memory of doing something I couldn't convince myself I didn't! And ever since then I've been doubting it. Then the situation turned to another little girl and I kept asking myself if I did anything to her... both kids love me and do not act differently around me. I am past the HORRIBLE torment of being so stressted about this that I was skipping classes and calling off work. But it's not over yet. I even called my psychiatrist one day asking.. "Am I a criminal?" She keeps telling me no no no. But nothing sinks in... no logic helps. All I can see is me being a terrible person that committed this terrible crime -- I have disproved doing anything several times but it just doesn't sink in. There is temporary relief and then it's back bothering me again. My husband reassures me over and over and over that nothing happened but it still comes back in a question format... Did I? Or what if I did? I love children and always have... Im graduating in May with a teaching degree - why is this happening???????? And why won't it stop???????
Runner1987 - i am very sorry about what you are going through. are you having blackouts during those moments? keep seeing you psych and talking to her about these feelings. Keep talking and she will help you through this. stay strong!
I am so sorry that you are going through this. I wish I could be of help but wanted you to know that you are not alone I have been having all these weird thoughts like this. I worry that I will turn into a pedofile. I just had ababy and nothing like this has ever crossed my mind. Only when I read this story and it had pictures of little boys. I am here if you ever want to talk. HUGS!
I have some of the same worries. I am very good at avoiding. I dont think that would work for you since your are going to be a teacher. I mean maybe just try to stop and recognize the moment a little more. Like when you take a child to the bathroom make sur eyou are fully aware, constantly checking in with yourself. I know that is just more OCD type things.
I have suffered with OCD thoughts and depression for many years. It will go away but may be triggered during stressful situations. I do take medication, I think you should see a doctor and get some help. This is very debilating, I know but it will get better. Listen to all who tells you that you are normal. This is a disease like any other. Your hormones especially serotoin is low. I hope this helps a bit.
I have had some of the same symptoms that you have had. I have also experienced the same temporary relief and then it all comes back. I know how you feel and I know you feel awful. I have learned that OCD causes you to think thoughts that are very out of character and the reason why you keep thinking them is because they are disturbing to you. It can really make you freak out because these thougths can be so awful. I have asked myself "Why am I thinking these things?" and "Did I do something wrong?" These thoughts are so repetitive. I know the feeling of needing constant reassurance that you did not do anything wrong. Your symptoms are very common for OCD. OCD is not rational. It is a disorder. Seeing a psychiatrist really helped me, and medication did as well. IT is a chemical imbalance in the body. Hang in there, It will get better!
I have also had similar symptoms, you are definately not alone. When it comes to OCD the intrusive and obsessive thoughts i think are definately the worst and most miserable symptom. This is a very hard battle but it wont always be this hard. Hang in there and hopefully talking with your phyciatrist will help. Sometimes just talking and being reassured of the reality that you are not crazy and that this is just a part of the disorder will help. Good luck!