I am a almost 32 year old female who ahs spent the last 3 years losing 60-70 pounds.. some how during this journey I have developed a severe problem with food, my weight, and it has gone into an almost daily bulimia issue.
I am at the point that yesterday when I went to the doc and they told me I weigh 130 pounds, I went into a melt down for the entire day. I was 115 pounds 8 months ago and looked TOTALLY sick. I loved being in a size zero though in my 30's. I somehow got okay with being 120 pounds and in my head I made 125 my cut off weight.. now that I am so close to 130 I do NOT know how to deal with it and purged 5 times yesterday. I need someone to talk to who knows what I am going through. My fiance is to the point he just doesnt know what to do or say and I need to talk to someone..
kylelynn...welcome! This is a very supportive pro-recovery site, where many of us truly do understand. Have you considered seeing a therapist? An eating disorder is a very dangerous condition, and as you can see, it can take on an addictive nature. Losing a large amount of weight can certainly cause the development of an eating disorder...and this is due to what happens to a person's brain when it is deprived of nutrition. This deprivation may also be the reason that you begin to binge and purge. The ultimate goal for recovery is to define yourself other than by what you weigh.
Please look into getting treatment. I hope you will share more, and please keep in mind that this site is designed to be safe, so using numbers, weights, calories, etc, is not always the best to include in posts. Take care..Jan ♥
I am already in treatment.. specifically for my eating disorder. my fiance is threatened me with hospitalization. Although that wont happen because I am not willing to go. I just, even with my counselor's assistance, cannot seem to get over my obsession with the number on the scale. if its more than I feel comfortable with, my entire day is thrown off and I am angry, depressed, and likely to purge. I apologize for using numbers, I was not aware. Thank you for your support. I need to be able to talk to others that understand what is going on in my head.
I also am a recovering drug and alocohol addict, so its almost as if this is replacing the high I no longer get from the drugs..
read your post and just wanted to say,hang in there! :) we're all here for you anytime you need to talk. having an eating disorder is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through,but i know that there's hope and recovery at the end of this tunnel,for all of us. hugs and prayers!
Kylelynn,
Please keep writing. I'm glad you're in treatment and are getting some help with this monster... Know that you can come here ANY time for support. :)
It sounds like you've been looking outside of yourself, with food, alcohol and drugs, for a long time. What are you using these things to medicate? Do you know? You don't have to share that here, but it's important to acknowledge. Unless we deal with our core issues, we're only treating the symptoms. The core issues will find another way to assert themselves.
Wishing you lots of luck in your journey... Please keep sharing. You've found a safe place.
Love to you,
Jen
kylelynn, Im new to this group and online support for that matter, but i posted something today because I went to the doctor for something i did to my foot and discovered i had gained about ten pounds. i try to stay away from the scale but the darn nurse insisted and i didnt really want to get into my eating disorder with her right there. in the end, i freaked out about it, but instead of binging and purging I posted something here and called a friend to talk about it. honestly, wouldnt have done that at one point of my life. Even though its probably going to be a lifetime struggle I think it speaks volumes that you do reach out and not keep your disorder buried and secret. I'm 30 this year and popped right out of my size zeros into a size 2 so i just want you to know that i know how hard it is. keep reaching out!!
dolly42...thanks for your encouraging words. I'm glad you feel you are making some better choices for your recovery! I hope you will continue to share, but please leave any reference to sizes or numbers of any kind out of your posts. This can cause a lot of comparison and unsettling thoughts for people. The sizes you mention are also sizes that an ill adult would wear. I hope you are working on the reality of this. Do you have a therapist to work with? Good luck!!
Jan ♥
I'm sorry Jan, I was responding to a post that was full of references to sizes and numbers, I assumed it was ok. Won't happen again.
dolly…not a problem. It seems that since some recent changes, the disclaimer has disappeared. I am checking on that. Please take care…Jan 
don't feel bad,we were talking in another post,I'm pretty sure the disclaimer has been removed? I was pretty confused about what was allowed to be posted too. is there anyway to get that back up?
Ella...I just noticed that as well. I will check on it. We definitely want that where everyone can see it!! Thanks!!
Jan ♥