It took me a long time to get here. I have been dealing with issues surrounding food, anxiety, depression, and self-image/weight for what seems like my whole life. I remember when I was little, I was left home alone nearly everday during the summer, from 7:30am to 5pm. I was only in 2nd grade and I was lonely. I watched tv and ate (a lot) to fill the time from when my mom would leave until when she would come back, just so I would have someone to talk to. My parents divorced when I was 4 and my mom went through a steady stream of men, many who only stuck around for a few months, after which she would enter into phases of "I don't need a man, I'm a strong, single mother." The truth is, she may not have needed a man, but I needed a Dad...and we needed an extra income. I was malnourished we were so poor; I even broke my hip when I was 12 because I was not getting the proper nutrients. I was eating massive amounts of food, binging by the time I was 8, but it was all junk, so that in the 6th grade, when I fell during recess, my brittle hip bone broke. Not being able to run and play only made binging an everyday part of my life, along with tv and sadness. I continued to gain weight, we continued to be poor (coming home, finding eviction notes on doors, then feeling overwhelmed, sad, scared and binging on junk food to cope when there was no one there to listen to my feelings). My mom continued to date horrible men, including one who she married, uprooted me from my school and my friends to follow him to a place where she thought he had a job, but he had lied, so we were poor, living on welfare, and I got fatter. Then, my mom had another child with this man (my sister). Then this man molested me, tried to kiss me, stole my underwear, and there was no one to turn to (my mother made it clear whose side she was on). And I continued to binge and get fatter. Until college, when I lost weight by starving myself. I thought I had finally done it---but didn't realize that I was just as miserable being a size 6 as I was a size 18. I got married; 5 years later I'm divorced. And still binging. And still miserable. Can someone talk to me, help me? I'm really alone and feel disgusting and gross. ;(
well you've come the right place! I know some people its hard to have a healthy relationship with. i am guilty of stuffing my face or not eating at all when im in an emotional phase. Also being young supporting myself i somehow find a way to make sure i eat dinner every night. luckily i work at a food place where i can eat breakfast and lunch for free or snacks ya know. but i think talking and getting all this off your chest and finding ways to cope better well help. im here for you to talk to if you need
StephDawn, welcome to the group!! It sounds like you have been through a lot and I can assure you that you will always find a kind ear here if you need to unload. Family dynamics can be so tough and when you've come from a difficult background it is so easy to fall into bad habits such as BED. I am very proud of you for taking this first step towards getting support and creating a better life for yourself.