New member struggling

Hello to everyone. I am new to this site as i thought it was time to reach out and try to find some support and information.
A little of my background. I first suffered an ED when i was 15 years old, just going through puberty. I have relapsed several times in my life but have been able to pull through after having a strong support network of family and friends, (as well as a 'life high'). I have struggled with the fight pretty much since then and have always been a small frame.
Recently i have had a large series of events that have triggered my depression and thus i am once again struggling with my ED again. I am at a loss as to what to do. I can see i have a problem but am too weak to fight it and when i do, it controls me. I have a husband and 3 young children as well.

Sometimes it helps to identify what is triggering the events. Have you been able to identify these things?

Hi and welcome to this forum, its a great place to share your issues and achievements and to give encouragement and advice. I hope that you find it as supportive and helpful as many of us do.

I understand how you are feeling when you say "I can see i have a problem but am too weak to fight it and when i do, it controls me". Anorexia is an awful illness that feeds on our desire for control and stability, but in the end, ends up controlling US. I do believe, however, that this can change, and not just temporarily, but for good.

I have suffered, to varying degrees, from anorexia for the past 10 years, forever feeling that is was an illness that was part of my life and something I would need to learn to 'manage'. Last month. however, I enrolled in a eating disorders outpatient unit and my thinking around recovery has changed. It IS possible to completely recover from anorexia to the point where it is no longer part of your life. It IS possible to regain a totally healthy life with sound social relationships, healthy relationships with food, excersise and most importantly, a loving and healthy relationship with yourself. However it can also be a long journey to get to this point, and by the sounds of things you have made some great progress since anorexias first onset at age 15.

In dealing with this current 'relapse' (if you would call it that), how about getting in contact with those people who you found so supportive in your previous attempts of recovery? It sounds as if this support network was quite helpful along your journey to being happy and healthy again. I would also highly recommend getting in contact with some proffessionals who can help you recover; a therapist (preferably someone who specialises in/has experience with people with eating disorders), get your doctor on board and see if you can get some help from a nutritionist. These experts will give you the practical and neccesary medical support that you need to recover completely. I do believe that without proffessional help, recovery is near impossible.

Also have you talked to your husband about this? Anorexia can be an extremely isolating illness, so the more people you have on board who love you and care about you, the easier this road to recovery can be.

This is probably all stuff you have heard before, but I cant stress how important it is for you to act now while you have picked up that the eating disorder has re-surfaced in your life. Please don't let yourself be dragged back into this illness, you have a life, a family and a future that is so worth fighting for.

Let us know how you get on xx

Thankyou for your replies Simone and mc.

I have found that stress seems to trigger it off but i am at the point now too where i get very anxious and panic when it comes meal time....to the point where i haven't eaten anything for about 5 days now. My husband and i have been having problems between us for some time now and we are trying to work through them. This has had a big impact on me and the way i think of myself. I did talk to him about a week ago because he asked why i wasn't eating, and after a couple of days i plucked up the courage to write him a letter for him to read explaining everything as best i could. He has been really supportive but today when i got home from work he was ignoring me as he had had a bad day with the kids and he was a little stressed. I understand it is alot to take on board and he needs space too but today was a really bad day for me and i needed to come home, feel welcome and just have a hug.

I didn't really have anyone break me out of this in the past. I found i had extreme highs, such as once i was living in a small town and was struggling to make ends meet then my dad helped me move to a new place and i met heaps of friends and started studying, etc.

I do plan on talking with my gp this week and going from there. I will keep you informed on how i am going throughout my illness and hopefully recovery. xxx

Thanks for letting us know. It sounds as if the eating disorder has really got a hold of you again, not eating for five days is very very unhealthy and is a sure sign that something is wrong. I really really urge you to get some proffessional help and deal with this before it consumes your life again. Its great that you have been able to communicate with your husband by writing to him, thats a big step and very courageous of you! I think you also need to be very honest with yourself ... what do you want from life? Is anorexia really going to help you achieve these things? I think we both know the answer to that one...

Please let us know how it goes at the GP. When you go and see him/her try and be as honest as you can with them. Explain your history of anorexia and tell him/her your concern that you may be relapsing. Actually ASK your GP if he/she can get you in contact with a therapist, nutritionist etc who can help you get through this. Not all GP's are hugely pro-active so sometimes you need to actually ASK them to give your specific information.

Please let us know how you get on. All the best for your visit xx