I'm new to SupportGroup.com and I'm not sure how this works so excuse me if I type something wrong in the wrong spot.
I'm looking for Moms out there with college students like my child that has been having problems communicating with them. More THEM than us Moms.
I'm having a terrible time with my only child and it's breaking my heart. She's a junior at an out of state college. She is my life and I'm so broken hearted and was just looking for someone to talk to thats been there.
Thanks for listening!!
Hello LovingMom,
I am not a mother myself, but your situation reminds me very much of my own relationship with my mother 3 years ago. I am a sophomore in college now, but in high school my mother and I had a horrible time communicating with each other. Instead of being able to calmly explain our concerns with each other, we have screaming fights, or i'd shut down completely and refuse to say a word. I believed my mother was the bad guy, she didn't understand me or how i was feeling. I hated to be yelled at and so i couldn't trust her to remain calm, if i needed to talk to her about a delicate topic. I was having other personal problems and so my mother, unable to get through to me sent me to see a therapist. Once i found someone i could really trust to unbiasedly listen to what i had to say, i learned to talk and share my feelings. Learned that you can trust people to listen to you. Eventually my therapist encouraged me to talk to my mother. To try and stay calm when i talked to her, to try and consider when i was wrong. It was not an easy process, but is was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I worked on my temper and pushed my mother to do the same.
Now i am trying to encourage my mother to work on her communication with my younger sister. I think the best thing to start the process is to open up to your daughter, and share things with her, so that she will see that you trust her with your feelings. Maybe then that will form a bridge for her to come to you, with her own concerns. I wish you luck, have patience, and don't give up.
Mockingbird 26
Thanks for writing me and sharing your story. Although its way different than what I'm going trough with my 21yr old daughter. I'm going through the "empty-nest" problems and my daughter is going through the "freedom" joys!!
In short...she does all she needs to do with college to get great grades and she works and when shes not doing those two things she's with her boyfriend (which my husband & I love dearly -he's like the son we never had) and that leaves no time for Mom & Dad. =( We're adjusting but it's so hard. She was our life for 18 yrs - we did everything for her and was always there for her 100% and now it's just so lonely.
This is something you can't understand until you go through it. But thanks so very much for sharing your story with me. I wish you the best of luck with college and your continued relationship with your mom.