New & Terrified

Flashbacks every time I sit down or lie down , try to relax, that just doesn't happen anymore, I'm terrified and alone.

hi hurting soul, im michelle. ptsd is triggerd by many things, so give us some more insight and ppl may be able to help :¬)x

Hi Michelle ty for responding, um, basically every time I lie down it starts immediately, flashbacks of horrible things, see it and feel all of it all over again and bad part is, I didn' t have any memory of this at all, childhood and even later years hav e always been a blur, gone, until recently. Now basically with the flashbacks, I will basically just see and feel him and stuff and then all of a sudden there is a flash of really bright light with an image in it and I literally shake and make like this jerking motion to try and get him off of me and stuff like that, and I am terrified, in a lot of emotional pain right now that a get into bad habit of numbing with pills, at that point now where I am struggling with decision to take 3 more (over the counter pain med and sleep med) just so can avoid feeling for just awhile. I am so afraid all the time. I can''t handle "reality" with people in the NOW who are triggers for me and am back in isolation for now as sometimes, isolation feels like the ONLY way for me to survive.

ok, well i will tell you that painful memories tend to be stored away and life can carry on, however they always crop back up to the surface at some time in our life. any event can trigger painful memorys or even a sequence of events.these painful memories are stored in the subconsious and will never dissappear, altho we hope they will. the longer their there the worse the pain gets and it starts to leak out to the concious mind and will affect your every day life. i do know that no matter how hard the trauma is right now, beleive me it is a good sign. its means your ready to deal with the past, and thats the first step to dealing with things. do you get what i mean?
i was sxually abused as a child at the age of 7, my family wasnt bad but i felt that i couldnt tell them as the person who did it was a the partner of a family friend. my mum was a cold sort who i never thought i could tell or even beleive me. i thought shed either not beleive me, or she be disscusted in me and blame me. i knew about sex at that age but wasnt sure if how it happen was right or wrong as i didnt put up a fight with the abuser, because he made it seem normal and i was confused to whether it was right or wrong, altho i knew deep dwn it felt wrong. i decided to put it at the back of my mind from then on, but life was never the same. i got into drink, dabbling in drugs, smoking, hanging out in all the wrong places. up until last year my relationships av been disastrous, needy, insecure, easily minipulated. i thought sex was jus about pleasing a man i didnt like to be sexually intimate. and never enjoyed it and constantly felt raped, because i thought i was to be used. all these years i thought that this was normal because i didnt know any different, but little did i know was i learn these feelings from my past. iv only learnt this recently after alot of soul searching. not once from the age of 7 to recently did i ever put the two together. in that time it was like the abuse never happend, but it was still there and i didnt know it.
it was only when 3 yrs ago my ex raped me while i was woken and pinned me dwn. he told me i wanted it, and he was minipulating and abusive and i didnt see it and guess what i stayed with him and put the incident to the back of my mind. how crazy is that! eventually i got preg with his child and he kicked me to the curb. i then went on to my next relationship and moved away from him, thinking the memories would stay where they happened. like you i started having nightmares, if owt was on telly id cry, if i heard my exs name id go mad, if my bf said owt that reminded me of him, a look, a touch, a reaction or a simple word, i would automatically see my rapist in front off me.
it got worse when i was contacted by court about a dna , because my ex was contesting. so i was having to face him. id shake feel phycically sick, and when i left id start smashing things, attacking ppl and attempting suicide. at the time i was confused to y i was acting like this, i was acting like i was demon pocessed. i realised after much prayer, that id not left it behind and he still had control. and was relieved i wasnt a crazy person, but this was the answer to the fact i was acting mentle but i wasnt. im facing him and as painful as it is and as angry as i am, it is exactly what i need. and im feeling so much better 4 doing it.and il tell you whats helped me prayer and getting off them bloody tablets from the doctor and dealing with pain head on. its like closure.
my advice really is to seek therapy, ditch the tablets, prayer. and ask yourself what would give you closer and how could you make it happen.? no matter what has happened to you, your in control now. and ppl are jus ppl and what can they do to hurt you? its sounds mad but it really does work. i really do wish you all the bestx

I am having the same problems, HurtingSoul. In addition to flashbacks of the incident, I am having vivid - feeling it too - sexual assault related nightmares. They are concurrent. I wake up, get something to drink, try to relax and lie back down (once I feel safe again), and the dream picks up where it left off. And, when I finally get that nightmare over with, a new nightmare begins and then the vicious cycle is repeated, concurrent and all. I was an inpatient for 2 weeks, finally felt a glimmer of hope and no longer suicidal then was discharged. I've been taking my meds since being discharged, but the nightmares are getting worse and now I am afraid to sleep. I was diagnosed with PTSD and depression btw. I'm wondering if this is normal --the getting worse and all? Any help anyone can provide, I would be very appreciative. Last night, for the first time I started hearing whispers in addition to.