New to group, my husband is battling dementia and I am overw

New to group, my husband is battling dementia and I am overwhelmed. I honestly don’t know where to begin. He is beginning to be more confused and now wants to go home. I can’t explain to him we are home and have been in this house for 7 years now. I try and change the subject which works for a while and then it just begins again. Right now he went in the bedroom and was trying to put a shirt on as pants he is now wearing 3 shits and no pants, I know it isn’t a major thing but it just hit me like a brick wall. So here I am trying to stay calm and not argue with him. I am the only caregiver and today was not a good one. I feel like my world has just ended. I hate this disease!!!

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I am very sorry!

Battle seems to be an appropriate term. I also hate this disease. Sorry this has also inflicted your loved one. Ive not encountered this specific scenerio. I wonder if he were to look at himself in a full length mirror, if he would realize he is missing his pants.

Do you have a picture of you all in front of this home? Maybe leave it out as a gentle reminder that that is your home.

OMG! My dad is ox
omg my dad is the same way with being confused about wanting to go home, when he is home. The part I don’t understand is how mean he is. He was NEVER very happy, but WOW!


1 Heart

@Lisadip sorry about the bad spelling. I’ve never done this before and it’s touchy.

Cavalier. I am so sorry you are having to face this. I also have a husband with dementia and we do have our days. I have learned that I cannot do this alone. There should be a county agency in your area that can offer you some assistance?And finding a good support group for caregivers will really help you discover ways to deal with the ever changing day to day challenges. One lady in my support group talked with her neighbors, explaining what was happening, and several offered to come over to stay with her husband several hours a week so she could get out and take a break. It is so important to take care of yourself and find things you enjoy doing and do them. I also felt like my world had ended, and in one way it had, my marriage had changed forever, my friend/lover/husband was different and I really miss him. However I now have a way to love him differently, and care for him. I have learned not to argue with him or try to change his viewpoint. He doesn't really know anything different and he is in his own world, so I just try to go with the flow. I can't stress how important it is for you to get help and not do this alone. I also hate this disease! Take care.

Rowanda thank you for your encouragement. My 2 close neighbors have offered to help if needed. I do manage to get out and so far have been able to leave my husband alone for short periods thankful the grocery store is 5 min away. I also have two therapy dogs that I take out once a week to make therapy visits ironically to memory care facilities. I am thankful that my husband has not shown any wandering behavior and is pretty much content to sit and watch tv while I am out. I know this will probably come to an end in time . At first I was so angry and I couldn’t accept his memory decline, I have finally come to terms with it and realize it is easier to change the subject or walk away for a few minutes and he usually forgets what it was that was upsetting. I have also noticed a decline in his balance and he has fallen several times resulting in 2 911 calls, one of which required a trip to the emergency room. He is now using a walker and having PT twice a week. Thank you again for your reply and I will follow up with your suggestion to speak with a local dementia association for caregivers.

Cavalier: I am so glad you are able to get out. It is awesome your taking the therapy dogs out to help others. I have found helping others is a good way to help yourself. And getting assistance is awesome. Your husband is blessed to have you in his life. It may be a rough road but know that you are not walking it alone. May I ask if you are a Christian? The reason I ask is that I have found such comfort and strength in my relationship with God. I know He knows what is coming and when I am feeling lost or angry or just frustrated, talking with Him helps me a lot. It really helps to know that even when I'm alone, I am not alone! Take care, and let me know if I can help in any way.

My 78 year old mother is clearly sinking into dementia. She lives alone (has for many years) and is, for now, doing OK. My siblings and I do not live near her, but we keep tabs on her, her appointments with doctors, friends etc. My sister goes to spend time with her every few weeks. One of our biggest problems right now is the computer. While she was never a whiz, she used to be able to receive and send emails. Now, I try to walk her through it on the phone and she says things like "Keyboard? I don't think I have a keyboard on my computer. I don't know what that is." Does anyone have any solutions or resources or ideas on how to help older people, especially ones with dementia, interact with technology? Thank you!

Probably new technology that can help. Does alexa help with emails? Maybe check with an electronic store. Definitely is a challenge for dementia patients.