New to the group and tired of Panic

I was physically abused by my first husband for many years. Although, I only have one visible scar, the panic attacks won't let me forget the horror that he put me through. I have refused to let him ruin the rest of my life, but I am still plagued by my haunting past. I don't want to keep being his victim. Just yesterday, I had a panic attack after I blew a fuse. I told my son to check the box and he became upset and threw something across the room. I am so sick of my fear. I am mad at myself for letting my mind control me like this.

Thanks for reading.

Taralee

Glad you found this site, there are alot here that can relate to your feelings & time DOES HEAL all wounds just not as quickly as some of us would like thats forsure. Years go by & sometimes one does not LET GO of certain happenings for what ever reason, for me it TAKES as LONG as it TAKES, the mind HAS to go through a series of processes & I for one know it will get easier & be forever w/me but a distant memory one day. Thanks for talking so that others can see their not alone too.

Take care of you

April

Thank you April for your response. I agree, that when the mind takes over, the mind takes over. I have been a domestic violence victim counselor for many years now and I guess that is why this bothers me so much. I think that I should be immune by now. But no human is immune from the troubles of the mind. It really brings life back into focus and a deeper self-awareness that I will NEVER be the expert. I thrive on this in practice that when working with clients, they are the true experts of themseves and I am just the catalyst to assit them in reflection and reaching their therapeutic goals. But all too often, I forget about my own well-being, putting it on auto pilot. It has gotten MUCH easier, I can say that. Easier to enjoy my life and easier to deal with the past and look forward to a fulfilling future.

Blessings

Taralee

Hi idragonfly5150, Welcome to SupportGroups.com . Have you thought about seeking counseling for help with dealing with the abuse your husband did to you. If not, then I suggest doing that. Maybe start with seeing your doctor and go from there. How old is your son? Did he see your husband abuse you? Counseling may also be helpful for him. Keep us posted on how you are doing. We are here for you. ((((hugs))))

Thank you for your response. I appreciate it. I have been through a TON of therapy. In fact, I am a counselor and that is why I decided to join a therapy group, in order to work out some of my own feelings. I know that it takes time, it just boggles my mind that through all the work I’ve done…it STILL haunts me. That is why my motto to this day is…I am NOT the expert. I may be able to help others, I may be able to listen, be there, do the research, etc. but in the end…I will NEVER be the expert. This amazing mind of ours always takes over and does what it wants to fight the trauma in its own way. It is just nice to have a place to be able to write my thoughts to people who understand what I am feeling.

Thank you.
Taralee

My hats off to you Taralee, doing that line of work on a daily basis would be in my dreams at night at a point, its hard for others to see huh. Wow I admire you & I always thought to myself if I could just get one person........... well you know the rest, please keep writing.

Take care April