New to this - but here goes.....Married to former war hero (retired military) and bass-pro ex. fisherman - 15 years. Got "sucker punched" three months ago - it's "no fun anymore - we're getting a divorce, that's it. Final. Done."
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And since he is retired and I am advancing my own career - well, HE WANTS EVERYTHING... I changed my phone number 3 times, figured out how to text his phone from my laptop, and will only call him from my office (speaker phone on). Never heard about NPD...wow, is all I can say. I thought I loved him. Now I see how truly cruel and harsh he is. Cross him once, and you might as well slit your wrists and sit in a tub.
Gail - my narc is former military, not a war hero by any means, but military. I am the war hero! haha. Just kidding. I find that many narcissists end up wearing a uniform of some sort. I think it helps them hide and it gives them respect or authority in some way. Just my thoughts. I'm sorry you're going through this and I am glad we are all on this site to help one another out.
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@Phoenix123
Totally understand…it suks. Truly. Then they have an excuse - it’s a “military thing” - . Well, buddy - this ain’t the military and I ain’t one of your minions.
@tabbylady
Mine is just a con artist. Lying to everyone and it’s all about him. He doesn’t have the power and I am doing my best to strip him void of any remaining respect. He pretty much did that himself…I am happy though that I found this site. I could not stop crying to my beagle this morning…
Gail, I would be cautious about trying to strip him of his respect. It could be dangerous. Let it go. Let you go.
Gail you sound very angry and that's normal....especially after what he has done. But anger with this type of person is only detrimental to you. He will retaliate. Just take a couple of steps back and re think yourself. Try not to think about pay back. I've been there. It doesn't work.
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@Yellowrose10 It’s so true… every word you just said.
Gail mine was a war hero too. Blames all his outbursts and issues to PTSD and TBI. However I met his ex (before the military) who said he was crazy then...
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@tabbylady - I hear what you are saying, and I hope to be able to free myself from the ex (he is on a fishing trip with buddies - and should be served the divorce papers really soon)…In the meanwhile, he is scheming to take everything that I put into this marriage. He says he wants to make it easy for both of us (meaning no attorneys, less $, etc.) - but I know he is ruthless. He had nothing before we met - now he wants everything. He doesn’t “negotiate” it’s his way or no way. In fact, when he was interviewed by reporters years ago (while still on active duty), someone remarked that he reminded them of Gunny Highway (Clint Eastwood) - and mine says, “Hell, I’m Gunny’s big brother - taught him myself.”
It's true. THey cannot stand when you ignore them.. but they can ignore you til the cows come home.. but God forbid if you ignore them. All articles online all said the same thing when you deal with narcs.. NO CONTACT. :( That is something I'm dealing with now myself.
you're absolutely right. :)) so far i am 9 days without contacting back. .... baby steps.
@Yellowrose10 - I never thought of it as an addiction. But I guess it is. I just want to make sure that he doesn’t screw me over (I am 1200 miles away).
Any thoughts would be MOST appreciated. How can I speed the divorce along (he wants to control that too) - he told me that he will “eat me up and spit me out” - no matter how long it takes and how much it costs $$$. He is just waiting for me to throw my hands up in the air and yell, “UNCLE!”
Thank you Tabbylady - after changing my number 3 times (and not giving it him), learning to text him from my laptop - I have a bit more control (mind you, a bit) over the communications. He doesn't know it, but I have retained a great lawyer and he will be (SURPRISE) served the div. docs soon. I have also saved every nasty text and email message (got a nifty sim card reader). I cannot afford to lose everything to him. Trying to handle this NO CONTACT thing. Killing me, actually.
I keep trying...I cannot lie, though - I am finding difficult to accept that he doesn't give a **** about anyone but himself. I wasn't brought up to think like that. What an empty soul.