I am 18 years old and have been with the same guy for four years, the problem being he is very sick and will do anything to keep that constant high feeling weather it be alcohol or drugs and the higher he gets the more distant we become. I know i am young but i am in love with this man hes been in and out of the mental hospital to get help for his drug abuse as well as suicidal issues i dont want to give up i want to stay beside him cause the sober man is the best thing that has happened to my life but the intoxicated man breaks my heart cheats, lies, and steals i know i can not help him get help he doesnt want, but he tries hes the one who admits himself into the programs and yet some how he always ends up back at the friends who live the life that he is trying to move away from and all of our problems began again....i guess what i am asking for help is how do I myself deal with this sickness after four years do i just give up now?
anything at this rate could help im tired of constant hurt and feeling so hopeless
toofarinlove25: Go to al-anon. They will help you to see your role in his addiction. He has a team of enablers, and you are one of the members. If you walk away, you get your life back. If he gets his **** together one day (which means all of his enablers need to STOP making his addiction comfy to him), he can always seek you out.
toofarinlove25~I was once young and in love at your age I had children,got married and things didnt work out because we were too young. ~ Then a few years later I met a wonderful man who I fell in love with, he is intellegent, sweet, loving man who is an alcholic. The first year and a half I was with him he was drinking,chasing that high, I know all to well what it is like. he would drink a 5th of ginger brandy a day if not more, I admitt I enabled him,but I did it because I loved him and wanted to be with him. I lived good days and bad days during that time, he was and never has been absusive toward me,however there was days that I was afraid of how he would react if I didnt have that bottle on the table when he woke up from his "nap"(the drunkin stupper from the first bottle). I would pray each and every day that he would find the strength to become sober again. But it wasnt something that could do to him,it was something that he had to want to do.Because like you, I would have glimpses of the sober man that he could be and he was the most wonderful person. When he had enough and his body had enough, he decided to get sober, but when he did he left everything behind,including me, it broke my heart in pieces but even though it did, i was happy that he finally found the strength to become sober with or without me. Even though i had alot of resentment at the time, I felt cheated,like why didnt i deserve to know him sober. Three months after our seperation he called me and we got back together an I got the opportunity to know this wonderful sober man, he again had a small relapse ( a relapse none the less) for about 3 months and then he again stop drinking. It has been almost a year now that he will be sober. And me and him are together today, although we have had our ups and downs(not all him some things was me) but we thru. The one thing I have learned is alcholism is a disease and no matter what he will struggle with it everyday of his life because unfortuately there is no cure for alcholism. ~ My advice to you is to not give up hope and if you truly love him like you say, expect to face alot of obstacles. I am still learning about alchol and how it can affect people. You may want to join a group but if your not comfortable with that educate yourself and give him support. My boyfriend has never once taken offense to me trying to find other things for him to do besides drink. And suggest that he try aa. I wish you the best of luck and if you ever just need to talk I am here and willing. God Bless.