New to this support group

I have had control problems(OCPD)for as long as I can remember. It never seemed so bad when I was younger, but now that I'm older, I'm really struggling with it. Everyday is a challenge and my stupid depression is out of control. I feel like my friends hate me and it causes me so much guilt. I want to stop trying to control their lives and just be a good friend. It's so hard...I keep pushing them away. Lately, I just want to stop spending time with them. I guess I hope that it will help me stop insulting their decisions. I feel like I'm so mean and I don't know how I got this way. I hate it so much.
My desire for perfectionism is drowning me. I'm constantly obsessing about my life and I can't seem to shut my brain up. I try to help myself work through this everyday, but it's not an easy task. I'm tired of trying and honestly I'm not sure where to go from here.

Nothing is worse than trying to maintain friendships when depression has decided to make you it's new spot. Have you tried to explain what's going on with them and what you have to suffer from and endure every day? It's hard dealing with things that not many people understand because they have no experience with what you suffer from. If not, maybe try to write them and explain.. Trying to say it in person only caused me to crack because I couldn't seem to find the right words that fit. You really find out who your real friends are when you suffer from depression, anxiety, panic disorder, etc because their willingness to at least try to get a taste of what's going on and maybe seek ways to help you when you're feeling down in the dumps. It's tough. Stop beating yourself up.. you can't help that you have this sickness. I had to distance myself from everyone because unfortunately those who i thought cared were unable to help me because they had problems of their own and mine apparently were just seen as added stress. I literally erased everyone in my life, including my family, and ventured out hoping i'd find answers somewhere. I started therapy and got on meds.. If you choose to maybe get on a medication just research all you can because i've been on four different meds and the transition after each one caused more issues when I simply needed someone to gauge MY particular symptoms.. it's tricky. Just keep your head up. You will get through it and, ultimately, be a stronger person when all is said and done. When you are down, get on here and vent.. it helps me. Anxiety and panic has become my weak spot now, but when I dealt with severe depression two years ago it was a whole different feeling... way worse. Maybe spend some time alone and go do what you feel like..... you'll get through... try and stay positive... Don't seek perfection because it doesn't exist.

hope to hear good things from you over time.....
don't be too hard on yourself.

Thanks for taking the time to respond. It’s been a long, tough road. I feel like no one understands me, but then I remember that I’m not the only one. Thanks so much for the words of encouragement. If you need to talk, feel free to send me a message anytime. I’m here to listen and I definitely understand about dealing with anxiety and depression.

Happy Thanksgiving:)

From Anxiety & Panic Disorders to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)