I'm seeking support with bulimia. I have been in recovery since Aug. 10. And it has truly been a struggle and at times I feel that right now, it is getting impossible to recover. It seems to hard. I have completed PHP, and IOP and OP was discontinued because there is currently only 2 people. I'm ok with the discontinuation of OP, because I'm in the process of discussing a higher level of care with my therapist. But, prior to ending OP, I was full engaged in symptom usage. To the point that my treatment team, felt that I need a intervention quick. So, for two weeks I committed to therapy 3X a week. and that has seemed to help. I was hoping that by the end of those 2 weeks I would have proven that I wanted to get better and focus on recovery. But, after the 2 weeks, my therapist wants to continue to with the sessions 3X a week until further notice.
I have hard time reaching out for support because I can't trust people. All the people that I thought that I could trust on this journey with me, have abandoned me. They blame my treatment center for my ED. It has been said to many times, that I was fine before I started treatment, I was fine. Rationally, I know this not to be true. Those comments just prove how much I'm ignored.
I know that a part of recover is a support system and sadly that is something that I am lacking. I have found that I have stopped communicating with people. And that hurts and that just makes me feel worse and want to keep my ED, so that I am not alone. Strange I know, but that is how I currently feel.
I feel like I am rambling....I hope all is well.