I'm not good at lurking, so I'd like to join in.

My name is Holly and I have been free of my xanax dependancy for a month.

In August, my neurologist switched me from Pristiq to Nortriptiyne cold turkey. This triggered withdrawl symptoms and put me in a tailspin in an already major depressive episode.

Over the past two years I had faithfully taken xanax to relieve symptoms of anxiety. I also suffered from severe migraines several times a week which put me in bed. Migraines kept me from time with my family, cooking, cleaning, and caring for my daughters. I also began to suffer from TMJ disorder. Major uncontrollable pain. I spent $4000 on treatment. During this time I also developed fibromyalgia symptoms.

I was taking massive amounts of medication. ALWAYS as prescribed and under a doctor's supervision.

But after the cold turkey switch from Pristiq I lost it. I couldn't hold it together. I could hardly take my girls to school. I'm certian the teachers thought my girls were deprived at home (which they never were, but I didn't have it in me to fix their hair in the morning.) Work was difficult. I went to the office but I was hardly functioning.

I began to taper down my xanax. I knew it was keeping me medicated and in a daze. I spent a weekend wallering in withdrawl hell. I heard things. I wanted to hurt myself. Thankfully only my husband witnessed this. The only relief I got was a few hours asleep at night.

One Wednesday morning I decided that I knew what I had to do. I called and found a place in my own town with my own doctor that could detox me. I packed my suitcase and went.

It was the most wonderful experience of my life. I will be forever grateful for the decision I made.

I'm whole. I'm not hurting or depressed. I have no migraines or TMJ pain. My fibro pain is very slight.

I'd like to get to know and visit with other people like me. I hope you don't mind someone that is not shy that will jump right in.

Looking forward to meeting you all,

Hi Newbie,

I'm a fellow Newbie -- New to online communication, and new to this site. I haven't even figured out how to properly download a photo yet.
But I do have some experience with the things you've related. Good for you for jumping in.
I'm also happy to be free -- almost 11 years. I remember pieces of it very clearly, especially feeling like I had to be the only one ever to have been so messed up. Unlike you I eventually moved beyond what I had been prescribed, but like you, I had serious pain that was just never relieved.
I'm wondering, how did you finally deal with the physical pain aspects of fibro, migraines, etc.
I know for me it was a lot about exercise - I finally figured out that living in Mountain Bike Heaven and not owning a bike was kind of silly. I got sort of hooked on riding, I guess. We've moved to a different area and I really miss my old tracks and trails. It's also very hot here in the summer months. I was pretty spoiled by coastal weather -- and now . . . I swear, sometimes I think too much heat can bring on depression. Well laziness, anyway. Hope you keep writing, and find people here who you enjoy connecting with.
Wishing you the best,

HI! I love message boards. It's so much more comfortable to talk about things.

I'm glad you replied and it's nice to talk to you, Em.

Once my depression was managed, the other problems went away! I believe I had a drug hangover that I kept piling medication on top of. I would take anything I got my hands on. Nothing worked for long. I have never had a dependancy on pain meds, because they cause relash migraines and it's not worth it for me. I can see how someone would easily become dependant upon them.

I do have fibromyalgia pain and my TMJ pain from time to time. I manage with a cold pack or a heating pad and darvocet. Darvocet is very mild and does not alter my mental state. I also take Lyrica for fibro. I'm having a slight fibro flare right now, but I'm not in serious pain at all.

Thanks for your reply and I hope to talk with you more soon.

Oh, and I'm going to exercise tonight. That is something that I'm lacking in a serious way.

Feel Better Holly

I hope your day is terrific, and that you have fun exercising tonight. Way to go. I remember hearing, awhile back that when I'm really feeling like #*%@ !! It's probably one of three things: I'm not exercising, I'm not meditating, or I'm not loving myself.
Well okay, when you feel crappy, it's not always easy to get into a nurturing or meditative state. I have SO got to get out riding more. I feel like I'm living in Mayberry RFD. Or Pettycoat Junction.
You know, I'm a cold-pack (sometimes hot-pack) convert. Lately I've even gotten into plasters and patches and herbal stuff for back and joint pain.
If I ever end up perfecting a really soothing bath blend, something that smells great, I'm going to batch it up for Christmas / Chanukha sp? / Solstice / Whatever / gifts.

Anyway, I enjoyed hearing from you -- Feel free to write whenever. I may someday even figure out what a "status" is and how to figure out if my online button is on.

Have Fun