Hello everyone, my name is Wes. I'm 19, in college and have never had mental issues to speak of until recently, about 4 weeks ago. Although very mild in the grand spectrum of mental disorders, it's shocked me nevertheless due to me never experienced something of this nature before. One night out of nowhere I began having thoughts about shooting my family, a thought made all the scarier by the fact that my father keeps many guns in the house.
I was so shocked by these thoughts that I had the first panic attack of my life and hyperventilated. I love my family more than anything in the world, so these thoughts represent hell in every sense of the word for me. Since the thoughts were reoccurring because of the shock value, I learned that this is textbook Pure O, OCD. I've been reading about Cognitive behavioral therapy and employed some of the thought processes with some success, to the point where I only relapse about once a week. So what I'm asking is has anyone had a similar experience with pure O, and used the thought processes of cognitive behavioral therapy with success?
While I don't have many obsessive thoughts involving violence or harm to people I love or care about, I've had a few, and I can't imagine how difficult it must be to have it be the main focus of your obsessions. My OCD manifests mostly in organizing, note-taking (and constant re-writing of imperfect notes), and fairly severe compulsive skin picking.
But I have had a few of these types of thoughts creep in, fortunately they have never developed into full-on obsessions. I was also about 19 when I had my first panic attack (I'm 27 now) and it was absolutely terrifying. Since this isn't the most familiar aspect of the OCD spectrum for me, I can't offer personal advice, but I do have 2 suggestions.
First, if you have Netflix or a friend or family member who does, there is a show called 'Obsessed.' I'm sure you can guess what it's about. There is an episode where a girl has the same types of obsessions as you, and watching her work with her therapist and start to conquer certain aspects of her disorder is comforting. I find the entire series comforting since most OCD strains are treated the same way, cognitive behavioral therapy. And second, definitely try and find a psychiatrist/therapist (preferably one who specializes in OCD) to help you. OCD can be all consuming, and it's incredibly difficult to face all it's facets without the help of an outsider.
Hope some of this was helpful, and good luck on continuing to understand your OCD and coping with it :)
Thank you Abbey, I appreciate your advice. Well today was a horrible day as far as anxiety goes. Even though I know and believe with every fiber of my being that I'm not capable of harming anyone, much less my beloved family, my brain insists that it will happen and hellish anguish happens after that, attempting to out-logic this irrational thought. I have no compulsions, and no one would be able to tell that this is destroying me. I'm seriously considering seeing a therapist now. Does anyone else have violent thoughts about loved ones as the center fear of their OCD? It would really help to know I'm not the only one...
You should read my posts about pure Ocd. I am also self-diagnised pure-OCD, and I totally understand you.You are definitely not capable of hurting your family!!!!!Please read my posts especially about the response prevention technique. it has been 3 and a half years since I got OCD,suddenly just like you. But I realized I have it only in july this year.You know what helped me: whenever I had terrible thoughts of hurting my family I sat down with my family around and wrote down in details all my horrible thoughts. If my thought was to strangle my kids I would say ok i would do it, I would write down how I would do it. It is so so so hard to do that, at the beginning it is impossible but it really helps!!!!!After that you should read what you wrote and get used to your horrible thoughts.the point is not for the thoughts to disappear but to get used to them and to pay no attention to them. Difficult but possible!!!You must become desensitized to your own horrible thoughts.And you need to accept that OCD is a chronic disorder, it will not go away. You need to accept that and learn to live with that. It is very hard But I am the living proof that it is possible to live a normal life with that.it is not easy always but you can live with it.God helps me a lot. I believe in God and I know he will always be there for me. So whenever you have your horrible thought don't let it shock you.Continue doing your everyday activities, do not sit and cry, keep on doing your things and say yes to every little thought. If you say yes, it does not mean you will do it. when you say yes, paradoxically, you do not have the urges to think horrible thoughts.you must stay with your fears, face them, and accept your condition.
My life was a nightmare and now it is not. i still have horrible thoughts but i do not let them take control of my life. i know i am a good person and i know how much i worth.i know what ocd is and i accept it. i am an ok person with or without ocs, and so are you.
AGAIN PLEASE READ MY POSTS, THEY WILL DEFINITELY HELP YOU. THEY HELPED ME.:))))))
I apologize in advance, this is going to be kind of long. I'm self diagnosed with Pure-O. I've recently started seeing a therapist who told me I have social anxiety, which causes some OCD. I don't really ever have compulsions, unless you include "checking," which I'll explain momentarily. I'm in college now, but back in 7th grade, I had this irrational fear that I was going to kill myself. I really don't know where it came from. I've never been suicidal. I've definitely been depressed, but never to the point of wanting to harm myself or anyone else. The majority of the thoughts consisted of me fearing that I was going to stab myself (If I were to ever kill myself, I highly doubt "stabbing" would be my method of choice, lol). But I was terrified that I was going to do it. I often went over to friends' houses to stay the night, but I could never end up staying the entire night because I was scared I would kill myself and never see my family again. A lot of my friends had guns, so the thoughts involved shooting myself whenever I was at their house. During the day, I would be pretty depressed, but sometimes feel normal, but at night I would start getting the irrational thoughts. I don't know how I got rid of them, but I remember just being perfectly fine one day and never had those thoughts again. It took me about a year and half to get over them. Just recently, I've developed a fear of turning homosexual. It's absurd. I've never been attracted to men. I've liked girls for as long as I can remember. But I will constantly obsess over the possibility of me actually being gay. I can identify what guys are attractive, obviously, but I've never been sexually attracted to them. I grew up in a pretty Conservative/Christian household, which might have something to do with it. When I moved off to college, I became more open-minded about things. I used to be against gay rights, but after finding out my boss was gay and making several gay/lesbian friends, I realized that there was no need for me to be hostile. I do, however, get pretty anxious around them from time to time. I even will change the way I walk or stand, or change my clothes if I start fearing that I look gay. The "checking" thing I mentioned earlier involves me going online and looking up gay porn to "check" and see if I get any kind of arousal out of it. I don't. But the moment I turn on straight/lesbian porn, I get aroused. I guess "checking" is a type of compulsion? Not really sure. But anyway, I'm seeing my school's RN to get prescribed for Zoloft today. I'm pretty anxious about taking it, fearing that I'll actually realize I was gay all along once it starts diminishing my anxiety. OCD sucks. Even when you know it's just your mind playing tricks on you, you can't help but question or wonder if it's real or not. The best thing I've been able to do so far is to remain positive, My therapist has started some CBT with me. I'm sure it'll help more once I'm on the meds. Anyway, just thought I'd share my story. Good day to you all! :)