My life is like quicksand. I keep struggling to get somewhere but am stuck and sinking. Every move I make seems to be a deficit. Sinking me deeper. Deeper. And deeper. I try to grasp ahold something. Anything. Anyone. But no one is there. Even if someone shows up they seem to pass by. Slowly drifting away in the distance. Giving me false hope. A sliver of light. But it turns to darkness quickly. Pain. Grief. Sadness. It's what I feel. Until one person starts to pass by. Reaches out to me. I grab their hand and start to truly see the light. To be free? To feel something? Finally. Is this it? Is this my savior? My friend? My future even? I thought so. But, at last, I fear weary. Still I follow them, staying close. We share stories. Fears. Dreams. Secrets. I feel safe. I truly feel something. Days go by. Months. Then one day, I wake to no one beside me. I call out. Day after day. Week after week. Hoping....wishing... That they'll return but they don't. I'm hurt. Angry. Sad. Lost. I thought I found someone who would truly stay but they left me in the end. Everyday, I wake to missing them. My eyes get heavy. My heart shattered. My soul lost. Tears flow. One by one. Until there's none left. I fall asleep. Awake to repeat my grieving and sorrow. Hopefully one day I'll awake from my nightmare.
Grief comes in many forms. It's doesn't always mean death. I wrote this thinking of a person I miss. I don't think I'll ever stop missing them.
I experienced exactly this. It's how I developed fibromyalgia. I lost my desire to eat I was just crying every day for 3 years. I'm sending you a hug. Sometimes the closure is that they ignore you and abandon you. That is the closure. It took me 4 years to accept. Cruelty has a name, it's abandonment. You deserve so much better, you deserve to experience happiness in life. I once read spmewhere that the Buddha said, "if someone makes you feel like your presence is a bother and ignores you, dont reach out to that person again". Something like that. It doesnt matter how much you love someone, but if they ignore you, take that as closure. I know it hurts tp miss the person. I still cry sometimes. But you focus on your lkfe, your passions, and life before that person. Life is more than them. Many people come and go, I try to accept this now. Some people may stick, but your career wont leave you, your passions ans hobbies wont leave you.
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