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Being agnostic, I'm rather curious about how cancer affects ones faith or lack thereof. I read a lot of comments about praying and pleading with god for mercy.

My question: does having cancer strengthen your faith, make you question your faith, make you come to "god" for answers for the first time or reinforce the idea there is no god?

As most of you know, I am not a Christian, but I am very curious as to the role god plays in various people's lives. I was in a baptist boarding school for three years and have about 1/3 of the bible memorized, including the book of james and many chapters of the new testament and several psalms. I am no stranger to Christianity. I will leave my cynicism at the door and hope you will speak freely about your faith. I'm sincerely very curious.

Hi Calicricket,
Your question made me think about alot of things and I have to say that getting cancer didn't take away my faith in God because I truely believe that there is a God but at first I was thinking that this was some sort of punishment for my past lifestyle. Staying at home gave me time to study some more and I learned that there are 26 differnt stories in several different religions about a man born on Dec.25th of a virgin birth and performed mircles during his life and died and resurrected in 3 days. So I had to make a decision about what I believe so I had to go to experience and Anytime I have prayed for anything in Jesus name including being healed from this cancer I've had positive results. I'm in remission right now. So to end this long story I was a christian when I found out I had this I have never lost faith in God but I now question alot of things I was taught in church,so I'm still into my studies.

Mine and my husband's faith only grew stronger after we found out about his cancer. However, to be completely honest, I have to admit there were times when I was angry at God for what was happening. It was a process we had to work through, but as I said, we came through it stronger Christians.

In most cases, God's laws appear reasonable and wise, and even when we don't want to obey them, we usually concede that they are good for us. Like most of us would agree it's a bad thing to cheat on your spouse, or to lie, etc.

The circumstances we find ourselves in often defy explanation. When unexpected situations arise that appear unjust, irrational, or even dreadful, we feel confused and frustrated. And before long we begin to doubt God's concern for us or His control over our lives.

Adversity is hard to endure, and can even be harder to understand. If God were really in control, why would He allow the tragic auto accident or crucial job loss? How could He permit cancer or the death of a child?

Grappling with His concern for us we ask, "Why is God allowing this?" or "What have I done wrong?" Those are all legitmate questions and each person has to find their own way.

My husband took the perspective of God refining us. In scripture their are several analogies that discuss the ways God makes us better people. We've all heard the saying, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Well, in our case, that applied to our spiritual lives as well.

I could write a whole book about this topic, but I won't. I just wanted people to read about someone who has had a positive spritual experience from dealing with cancer. I finish up with a quote from C.S. Lewis, one of my favorite Christian authors... "A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, 'darkness' on the walls of his cell." Just something to roll around in your brain for awhile! :)

It is interesting because what cancer has done for you has done the exact same thing for me, just opposite. I am confident now more than ever that there is no god, no guy sitting in the clouds with his son watching over everything, no omnipotent being who knows and sees everything. It has reaffirmed for me that we are all sentient beings and **** just freaking happens and there isn't much we can do about it. Good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people and good things happen to good people and so on. I haven't asked anyone for anything but stood up for what makes me happy and what feels right and great things are happening. I didn't ask god, I haven't thanked god and I haven't expected anyone to help... But life is a wonderful thing. I believe in good karma and hard work and taking life by the balls and doing everything you can to make it work out.my mom is a wonderful person and has made my life that much better. I don't thank god for that. Because my mom deserves
The credit for being good. Not
God....

Anyhow, I'm just happy that everyone has found some peace with life and you have found whatever works for you.

Hopefully this conversation will continue. Maybe most of the atheists with hodgkins don't need support groups. ;)

I admire your fortitude. I wish I had a nickel for every hardcore atheist that suddenly became a devout christian when they became sick. I don’t think it makes any difference. If you had 2 children,you loved them deeply. When they grew up,one lived close and stayed in touch,the other moved away.would you stop loving the one who moved away. I wouldn’t.

It doesn't make a difference. If you know there was no god before, cancer shouldn't change that. But I can see how a believer's faith would grow, mainly because it has to. When a good person has something bad happen, there faith comes into question. But as answers come, then to god be the glory... This is because god is testing you to make you a stronger person. I don't subscribe to any of that though. It simply doesn't make sense to me. But the circular reasoning works for others. I do admire their tenacity and resolve to be faithful to their god no matter all the bad stuff that comes their way. I wouldn't do as them but it is definitely a strong trait to trust in a god that not only has control over if you get cancer, but also has control to help someone get rid of it...

My faith was so strong in God that when I got sick, it was just a matter of us (Him and I) going through everything together. I wouldn't be able to deny there was a God if someone forced me to by holding a gun to my head. I have seen, heard and felt too much. There is still anger, sometimes you can get more angry with those you love because they ask too much of you. And for anyone who is hesitant in letting God know how you feel about things; don't worry, He can handle it.
Why did he do this to me, to us? Who knows, but true and entire faith is believing that whatever the reason is, although it may not sound justified to us, is His decision and trust ensues.
It's very hard to not seem like I'm trying to convert, but above all things cancer has strengthen my spiritual self. Cancer stripped me raw and I ran out of strength and fortitude; someone carried me and I know that now.
Calicricket (again, in no way is this intended to atagonize or offend) but I'm curious as you were- as karma is enduring/enjoying the consequences of our actions, by whom do you believe the benchmark is set? Who determines whether you are rewarded or punished? Who decides black from white, evil from good?

Love Annie

I am glad the circular reasoning works for you Annie. God has the power to create and destroy all things, so when he gives you cancer, you go back to him for help. Sounds like an abusive relationship to me, but you have found you strength in this. I'm happy you would also die for your god too. Such tenacity! I wouldn't let anything take my life either--I have a kid to raise! But so many died whn they wouldn't accept christ as well. Remember the Christian crusades? I'd probably submit and acknowledge I love christ for the mere sake of saving my own life. But then again, I'm not a good liar... Maybe they would have killed me too. Cest la vie! I'm just happy you love your god and have strength by staying faithful to him.

And karma isn't about who is in control of anything and it wasn't set by anyone. As my boyfriend said, if we didn't have a society in place, we would all be running around using our primal instincts to survive. Karma wouldn't exist. In all honesty such a thing doesn't exist. I do have some faith that if you put out good energy, ie do good things, it should Return to you. And if you do bad things, the same shall be returned. But over and over I'm proved karma doesn't really exist, but I really want it to so I'm willing so suspend my disbelief to make it so. Yes, that's delusional thinking buy just as you need your god I guess I need my karma. But physics should answer a lot of your questions. What goes up mist come down....

The most interesting part in this conversation may be the idea of persecution. I know many a Christians, when I question the logic behind their faith, they see it as persecution, something they are suffering in service to the lord. Annie, I hope you don't see it that way, or that you are fighting the good fight in his name. It's simply a belief system. I will never be able to change you, nor you me. I'm actually pretty happy for anyone who has looked past science, logic and reason to love something no matter what. That shows the strongest will of all. I on the other hand read too much, think too much, question too much. I hunger for logic and reason, why this country is so mad at Obama and not bush and why people want to turn our country back 400 years, so that is my mission for now. Until I grow weary of searching for answers, I won't subscribe to any one belief. Maybe when I'm too old to care any more, I'll abandon all that I've learned and just give into some religious thought. But for now, knowledge is my god. The more I know, the more alive I feel.

*excuse the typos. I'm on my iPhone at 5:30 a.m. **** the time change!

Hi all,
This is a very interesting topic. I am very young in my Christian faith. I started grappling with the "big" questions less then 2 years ago. What I found built an early foundation of a faith that has been slowly growing ever since.

Given my young faith, I would have expected something like a cancer diagnosis to blow it away before I realized what happened. However, the opposite happened to me. I remember very clearly sitting in the hospital bed when the topic of lymphoma came up for the first time. I turned to God with all of my fear and uncertainty and simply asked Him to share the game plan with me when the time was right. I never asked why me or why now. I was never angry about it. I did not try to bargain with Him for a reprieve. I would have expected any or all of these reactions from a fairly new Christian.

The "why me" question always makes me laugh for one thing. I mean, why NOT me? What makes me better then the rest of you with HL. Is there some reason that I am less deserving of this disease. I think not.

My take is that God allows things to happen as they will. Free will cannot coexist with fixed fate. They just do not go together. God did not give me cancer. I got cancer because I was exposed to something, or was predisposed to have it, or what ever the hell else causes HL. God is not punishing me for anything. It just happened because **** happens.

On the other side of the coin, I believe that God will make something good out of me having cancer. He already has for that matter. My faith is stronger now because of it.

Cali- I too find comfort in logic, science, and knowledge. The problem for me was that was always something else there that science just could not explain. I for one have reconciled the two with the view that science explains how God has done what He has done.

RyanM i am with you on this.

I'm happy for you Ryan. Really I am. If you believe there is a being sitting somewhere helping you through all this, the more power to you. I have found so much strength in the opposite I can't express to you the joy I have found in knowing there is no god, no blessing or punishments he is doling out. Just life.

Given this is close to being one of the hardest timed any of us can endure, your faith is something I truly respect as I hope you do my faith in ... Life.

Cali,
I absolutely do have the utmost respect for your faith in life and I very much appreciate your respect for my faith in God.

I hope you don't find it offensive that I will include you in my prayers as I hope that you will continue to share with all of us as you continue your pursuit of knowledge.

I do very much love these topics. It is always exiting to share my views and learn the views of others without any expectation of anybody's views changing.

One other thing to consider for those that don't believe...

If I am wrong about Christianity and there is nothing after this, then I've done my best to live a moral life, help others, and found comfort when needed. I'll go to the "nothing" just like everyone else. If I'm right, then I have an eternity in Heaven with other believers...complete paradise.

What happens if you're wrong?

Hi Calicricket,

What a refreshing opinion you have!

I, too, have lost my faith along with this disease, although it seems you may have been agnostic even before. I've been reeling since diagnosis, which was right before getting married. Now, post-stem cell transplant, I'm faced with the probability that I will not be able to have kids. I cannot reconcile that God would do this. It seems like bad things just happen to good people in a random order. Sure, there may be a higher power of some kind, but he is not handing out cancer in his spare time or testing people by making them suffer. Sometimes I feel that religion must be designed for the feeble minded, especially those that are fearful or need a crutch. I realize the necessity to fight this disease myself, and reject the idea of divine intervention if I believe...

I must admit that I don't reach out here much. I prefer to discuss my feelings (mostly anger) with my therapist. It seems much more therapeutic. Also, exercise seems to be the best way for me to blow off steam.

Stay strong!

NYGirl,
I must reject your statement that religion must be designed for the feeble minded or is to be used as a crutch for the fearful.

I for one am not feeble minded in the slightest. I am an educated logical thinker who embraces science and all that it has to offer. I can speak intellectually on many subjects and am always ready to hear the perspectives of others with an open mind. If this meets your definition of feeble then maybe I am mistaken.

I also do not live my life in fear or need a crutch to get through the day anymore then everyone else (coffee, anti-depressants, therapists, etc).

I can see the point of view of those who blame God for their circumstances. I just don't agree. God allows all of us to have free will, therefore he does not cause things to happen, he just lets them happen as they will.

I also have a hard time with the viewpoint that all of the amazing things that science has shown us is the result of random chance. The complexities of nature, ecosystems, the human body, evolution, the universe, etc...I just can't believe that all of the endless wonders of our existence are just the result of an endless series of luck and chance.

RyanM, it's starting to get a little freaky how much your story mirrors mine.
I think no matter what our spiritual state, we all ask the question 'why me'? It's only natural that we start looking back on our lives and picking it apart. We make piles, things that are good and helped others, things that are evil/bad and things which we might have handled better but have learnt from.
This kind of thinking has the potential to drive us round the bend, especially when we have so much time to spare.

RyanM is right though, I came to the conclusion that 'why not me?' I hadn't done anything in my life that made me any different to any other and granted me a 'get out of jail free card'. It's just one of those things.

I remember right dead smack in the middle of treatment, sitting in a hospital bed feeling horrid and saying 'why me? I've done nothing to deserve this?'
My parents both said that if they could, they would take it from me in a heartbeat. I checked myself and realised I wouldn't give it away, NO ONE desereves it. And it was mine to bear. Did anyone else have a similar story or inclination?

Love Annie
P.S. RyanM - if religion is really for the feeble-minded and those needing a "crutch" (which I don't believe it) then I stand tall; because I'd rather have to lean on Him than have the strength to stand alone without HIM.