No NA last night

So last night my friend and I didn't get the chance to go to the NA meeting. Her children were sick so I would have felt horrible taking her away from them for an hour. Were going to try to go next Monday. The meetings are Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Wednesday she works late and Friday I have plans with my dad and my sister! So next monday hopefully i'll make it!

So i was thinking, is NA sort of an after rehab thing? Or can you go if you just have an addiction and you can't afford rehab? Because thats where im at.

Friday night Im supposed to be going to Dave and Busters to play pool with my dad and my sister and our boyfriends, im so excited, i hope our plans go through!

I thought maybe I could talk to my Dad about NA and stuff because he's been clean for 3 years now and he went through all that. Its kind of wierd because NA is how my parents met. Not the healthiest way to start a relationship I think, but whatever that was like 20 years ago and now im here! lol

Last night I kind of had a mental breakdown. When i got home i just started bawling. I have NO flow of income I am absolutely broke and I have to depend on my mom and boyfriend, which I hate. This is the major source of my depression.. depending on others. I want to be able to go out and buy myself new hair bands but no.. my mom has to buy them for me. And my boyfriend had to pay 90 dollars to get my hair done. Its pathetic and I hate it.

Anyway, my mom and i set up kind of a house cleaning schedule, that way im helping her and making money too. Not alot of money, but enough that if i need new hair bows, i can buy them!:)

On the brighter side, the 10mg abilify my dr switched me to is working amazingly! The side effects are alot harsher but I haven't heard or seen anything in days, and my mood is becomming more stabilized as we speak!

Well thanks for reading, as always.. feedbacks welcome!:)

Amm, I dont know how it works in the state you are in but here there are a lot of clinics, I am going to call them mental health clinics, most of the time if I need it for any of the guys I take care of I have to start at the primary Dr level. Sometimes I have to push them a little to get what they need but that is me, I push until I find these things, there is a lot of help in different areas for people but no one really offers this info to easily. As for your situation, I would think there would be some kind of financial assistance you could get somewhere to help you out with your medical needs as long as you can get your primary behind you and your medical needs fit a category for you to get help. As far as not having any money, I hate to sound harsh, BUT,a lot of people don't so don't feel you are in this alone. It doesn't hurt to buy store brand things and you know what, I bet, just bet you that if your boyfriend didn't want to pay for your hair styling, he would not have done it!, I see it this way, he did it for you because he cares for you! Cool huh?,Hey and when it comes to your new med, hats off to ya babe, I am glad it works, side affects can be nasty at times but then a lot of them subside so think positive! When it comes to what you are doing with your mom, this is cool. It gives you a little money and even more so, it gives you time you need with your mom, this is important, as important as having money. Hang in there,keep talking to us in here, scream,yell,kick,cry at me, whatever helps,just do it,Larry

I sobered up in Meetings, rehab is never a requirement for them. As they say in the beginning of the meetings, "the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop using." That may be AA, but whatever, same thing, "alcohol is a drug." Yes, I have been brainwashed by the 12 step groups.

Amanda, it seems like things are really on the up and up, by starting NA meetings and also working through your income in a positive way. I know how difficult it can be to rely on others, but the fact that you will not be earning your income from your mom, it will feel so different. Good for you! As well, coming home and bawling is a good release for you. I've done that; where I've dropped to the floor and bawled uncontrollably. It's an oddly cleansing thing to do and really gets all of the icky energy out.

I hope that you are happy and smiling today. As well, I know that you're have an amazing outing with your family and boyfriend. Yay!

Hey Amanda, Glad to hear that the abilify is working for you. Crying is good for us. It is a release. I just cried a few times yesterday because of some stuff I found out and it helped. As for NA, jaded is right on with the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop using. You can read more about NA here - http://www.na.org/ . Also for those times you can't make a face to face NA meeting, you can do online meetings. This site http://stepchat.com/chat/room8.htm has online NA meetings. I have done online meetings along with face to face meetings and found them all very helpful. Keep taking it one day at a time and keep checking in and letting us know how you are doing. ((((hugs))))

Thanks for your support everyone!! If i can't get my friend to go with me next monday im just going to try to get a ride from someone and face my fears and go alone!

Bluidkiti- I had no idea they had online meetings! Thanks so much!!

Amanda, I know that you'll get through the first meeting so successfully. I know that you'll meet good people and get all of the amazing support that you need. And, the online resource that Bluidkiti is a fantastic idea for you as well.

Thanks for all your support!! Im hoping for the best!!

Of course! I know that all will go so happily and positively for you.

Amm, This is going to be a very big step for you, a big one but a VERY POSITIVE STEP, you need to go thru with it even if your friend can not go and you may even feel better going alone meaning it may not be as embarrasing for you. I know sometimes I don't say everything I need to if I know someone I know is there for inner fears it may or anything I say may either embarrass me or them, I may say something they didn't know,therefore,does this jepordize a friendship?. I am not asking that of you and your friendship, if you are more comfortable with a friend, do it, do whatever you need to to help you. What I said was my feelings only, Hope today goes good for you, Keep chatting here it really does help, Larry

Larry, that's such a good point and great advice. I didn't think of it from that perspective, but you're right maybe going on her own is the better way to go because maybe you'll be more open and let everything out.

Larry you give great advice thanks so much! I think I'll just have her take me and I'll just talk to her about it afterwards, she's been my best friend for 15 years and always been there for me! Thanks guys!!!

That sounds like the perfect happy medium for you. Great plan!