I have been melancholy my whole life, but I am going through a rough patch, when most think I shouldn't be. I am so often the optimistic one, who finds beauty in anything, and empowers herself to rise above issues. For the last several weeks (and it has been building for months) I feel as though I am not important to ANYONE unless I am DOING something for them. I learn to say no to those who only use me, but now it extends to my employers. I have lost the joy and passion for nearly everything I do, and feel stepped on and lonely. I don't want advice. I know that these dark moments pass. I just need there to be something to look forward to. My best friend is 700 miles away, and although we talk a lot, I do not want to throw up the constant darkness that I am feeling right now. She wants to be here for me, and is saddened by my desperate loneliness. I have a beautiful family around me, but I feel like I am living inside of a cage where I cannot feel anything but used up, and can only let in very little of their love. I feel powerless in my life, but my OCD tendencies WANT me to make sense of it all. Feeling both of these things is killing me inside. I need prayer, an ear, someone kind who will not tell me I am wrong to feel this way, but maybe "hold my hand" as I try to survive these feelings. It is getting so dark.
Hi aliceclaudel, I feel as you do at times. I have been going through this feeling the same as you - not important to anyone unless I am doing something for them. I, too, have loving family around me. I feel as though there is such a battle going on inside of me at times. I try to fight it but sometimes it is just there anyway. I work through it a day at a time. You are not alone - just want you to know that. We are all here for you. ((((hugs))))
Thank you so much! It is nice to hear from other human beings who do not want to judge, and can really relate. You have helped lift me up today!
I will certainly pray for you. And you are not wrong to feel this way. Everyone is entitled to have some downs in their life. I will hold your hand anytime you need me to. I need some hand holding myself right now. We all go through these things and someone telling that you should not feel the way you do certainly doesn't make things better for you.
If I am online, I will listen anytime you need me to.
Gwen
Thank you for reaching out this way. I am grateful for the kindness I have witnessed here today. I do have loving people in my life, but sometimes you need to know there is compassion in the outside world, and find others like you. Thank you, also, for the prayers. I will return them for you and anything you may be going through.
Thank you also, nice to know that I have a new friend!
Take care
I just read your post and I can really relate- I feel like I should be optimistic all the time and I have a hard time being assertive- but lately I've been telling myself that it is not only okay but also normal and healthy to feel sad sometimes and I'm learning to assert myself more- hang in there!
Thank you so much for saying so!