Not doing so well

Hey Everyone,

I'm not feeling so good today. Last night about 2-3 am I got up and had some fruit, which I don't do all the time but when I do it I feel horrible the next day. My mom is sick today.. (again. She gets sick a lot) So I'm left alone to just do whatever. I know what I will do. I know I will go on the treadmil, despite how tired I am, not eat, and just..yeah. I just don't know if I will be able to eat. I feel like I need punishment for having that night snack. Sure it was just a peice of fruit but.. feels like it was so much. :(

I don't know what to do.

You're sick, please skip the treadmill - you'll only feel worse after. So what you ate fruit!? I'm really asking you to verbalize your fear; what is it you fear happening?

Thanks for the quick response Lilac. I appreciate it. My main fear is gaining any sort of weight. Even though I know inside my heart I need to GAIN some weight. I'm just so scared all the time. I feel so ashamed.

Hello Michelle, I know I´m new here, and really, I joined the site, to deal with some issues about my dad died of a brain cancer. I was navigation trough the site, and found your post. I´m no expert on this matter, but I can say, that you konw you have a problem, but you can not control it. Have you go to the theraphist? get professional help? It is very helpful to post things here, I know, because it helps me, but sometimes is just not enough. I know also, that no ones want to perform harm to itself or other on purpose. And you posting here is a first step. Please, feel free to post all that you need to post, and use it. Everytime you need to do something you know is bad for you, try to avoid it, and if you can not, come here, post it, ask for help, ask for comfort, there´s always someome. If you like, it may not be any help, but I can hear you, maybe chat. I am always online (most of the time). Have a good day, and please, if you feel that this comment is offensive, I am sorry. I´m from Argentina, and my english is not always very good. A kiss.!

Michelle, it takes 3500 calories to gain a pound, I assure you eating the fruit brings u no where near that.

Thank you everyone. Today is really hard so I appreciate your advice. Thank you. I just cant stop crying. I got into a huge argument with my family about it. I feel like everyone is fed up with me and sometimes I feel like I should just leave. I'm so scared.

Do not be scare. You must "train" your brain in order to skip the bad feelings. Trust me, it can be done!. When you have an argument with your family, or anyone else, you must tell your self, is just an argument, I can let that to run my life. And you must give a break to yourself too. Its normal to be scare sometimes, and is normal to feel bad about, but remember, you can change things. And we can help you. we can hear you, and you can tell us.
You are not alone in this, never will be. Always there´s someone out there willing to hear you, and help.
A big hug, and move on, move up.

Michelle, a lot of the times our families and loved ones don't understand us. They don't see why we can't just eat, its food for gods sake. Its just not that simple as u and I know eds are laced with fear, anxiety, depression and isolation. No one can truly understand unless they've suffered from one...just hang on and know no matter how it feels you are NOT alone.

thanks again everyone. I really appreciate your support. It does make me feel better knowing there are people out there that understand my feelings because they are going through the same thing. Thanks everyone. I'll be sure to keep you posted