Not excited for baby

I need some advise. I had a miscarriage on August 12th, we were about 10 weeks along. I was really excited about this baby, my husband and I got married in May and this was our first child together, I have a 9 year old son from a previous marriage. I took the miscarriage extreamly hard and was/am really upset and depressed about it even now, 3 1/2 months later. The twist comes in that I got pregnant again in October so today December 3rd I am 8 weeks 6 days along. Last Wednesday at our appointment we were able to hear the heartbeat and see him/her on the ultrasound. I keep thinking that I should be all excited and happy and bonding with this baby and I'm not. I keep thinking of where I would be with the baby that I lost. I should be 20 weeks and 1 day right now, we might even know if we are having a boy or girl. I should have a cute little baby bump and I have none of that. I find myself thinking and feeling that I don't want this baby I want the baby I lost, and I haven't found a way to be happy for the baby that I do have, which by all accounts is doing great. Thank you for your support.

Oh hun, you are still mourning the loss of your first pregnancy and I am sure that your fear and suffering is causing you to feel the ambivalence in this pregnancy. This baby isn't a replacement, it is a completely different child and a blessing, I know you know this mentally, but emotionally you aren't ready for all this. Counseling would be a great option to help you work through some of these feelings of sadness and confusion, is an online therapy site you could look into.

I know in time you will find happiness with this baby. Sending you hugs.


Be happy! This is a second chance.. So many women can't get pregnant and wish for the chance to carry dear life and love a baby & watch it grow. I understand it was hard, but don't dwell on the past.. Live on and love for your little one.. Things happen for reasons beyond our understanding but they always work themselves out. Remember everything u feel, your baby feel, be greatful.. If u need to confide in someone close, do so.. Talk. I wish you the best hon! B happy! They r so precious they deserve your love. Love your baby :)

Hi Sandra, I feel your loss. I'm commenting because I lost my first one, no heart beat, 25 yrs ago. I since have found the book "Heaven is for real" was very comforting realizing my son of 22yrs. DOES have a brother or sister he WILL meet someday.

I find it important to contact you because I thought I was over it but as I started talking here on SG, I realized I still had healing to do. Why I say this, our family had a funeral after Thanksgiving, sister-in-law's mother, so being that it was someone I didn't know well, I was shocked when I talked with sister-in-law and started sobbing. Yes, my brother died who was married to sister-in- law, but I could tell it was deeper. First of all, I'm not a crier, and am a very controlled person of emotion. My sister who has much more insight on the theology of religion asked me if I named my baby I lost. I told her we never new if it was boy or girl. She went on to say, ask God and how you feel is what you had. I immediately said girl, Sarah. It's hard to believe but it seem's to be what I was missing. So much so that I got my ex-husbands email to let him know. I haven't done it yet, but with your post, I now know I'm doing it right after this. Everything happens for a reason. I often say "If I would have had my first child, I never would have met my son I DO have," since I only have one.

You've had a lot of emotions to absorb in a short time. You're only human. You will have happiness. Feeling the guilt of your thought's is ok. I hope and pray you can let in the celebration of the new life in you. Merry Christmas!