so...
i followed up two weeks ago with my primary Dr. who said I could start walking on my ankle again... so I was like 'awesome!' and went full throttle all week (almost went running but resisted the urge...) well, my ankle and foot started having shooting pains again and swelled up...
so last week my husband and I followed up with my physical therapist who said that he thinks I re-tore all the tendons that were JUST STARTING to heal when my Dr. said I could start walking on it... (insert frustrated scream here!!!!) So I was sent to the ER to have my ankle rexrayed and fully splinted until the boot they ordered comes in. So far, so hidden fractures, just a mess of the tendons and I'll need to see a specialist next week and possible MRI and all that stuff...
so not only was I super low and depressed... now I am in SUPER bad pain...completely have to stay OFF my ankle for 3-8 weeks... have to cancel our one vacation with the kids... i just feel helpless and like a burden to my husband... i HATE THIS!
and my ED... yeah. that's not cool. since I can't work out I'm totally restricting more than ever... I'm miserable... I'm getting sick off pain meds since I have no food in me... I'm a hot mess. my emotions are all over the place. I just want to sleep the next 8 weeks away. I am PETRIFIED that I am going to gain a ton of weight since I can't walk, run or workout... so much so I had a panic attack over it...
I just want my ankle to be better and for all this to be behind me... I have no idea how I'm going to work this week - take care of kids - drive... it's just all overwheleming. My husband is constantly asking what he can do - he's a gem... and I just burst into tears...
I can't even begin to think of the first thing to do...
LA..I'm so sorry that this has happened. I can totally see how it could put you into a whirlwind.
The thoughts you describe are so ED enmeshed. I worry about this. You are seeking help for this physical injury, please please seek help for your eating disorder...it can cause you much worse long lasting damage. I get it. I really do. But you don't have to suffer with this added burden of the confusion of the eating disorder. Please take care of yourself in ALL ways...thinking of you...Jan ♥
I had to deal with torn ankle ligaments in the past and that took 8 weeks for me to start going running again. I get the weight gain fear but the honest truth is that you need to give your body, and mind, a break. I cannot stress how important it is for you to let the natural healing process take place so that there is no permanent damage. Only saying this out of concern. Not like a lecture. I also think that as soon as you possibly can, it is important for you to work on tackling the ed mindset so that you do not slip far down the ed road again. As well you know, it is a very slippery path and once we go there, getting back up can so much more difficult than the process of falling down. I know i am not telling you anything new but all i write is only out of concern.
thanks. i feel like i know all of this (ya know...) but it's like... ugh. super hard to not go down that path...
MRI sceduled for tomorrow - I AM PRAYING TO GOD that there is WAY less damage then they expect!!!! OR EVEN NO DAMAGE AT ALL!!!!! I cann't live like this for 8 weeks!!!!
It recently came to my attention that in my attempts to "balance" my food and exercise, in particular by cutting calories while I'm not exercising, I am not only remaining stuck in my ED thoughts, but I am actively growing them... I accept my need to PROVE to myself that I can skip exercise without reducing my calories. I am TERRIFIED and it completely goes against all reason to me... But I want to fully recover. And I can now see that doing so while trying to juggle those numbers and control my weight is an impossible task. So... 4 days down... I am attempting to prove this to myself. I have gotten my calories back to their prescribed level. And Ed is SCREAMING. But I'm pushing forward. It's an absolutely frightening experiment... I'm so scared to lose this gamble. But I know it's a risk I have to take...
I'm so sorry you are facing these challenges, friend... I hope that you will somehow muster the courage to try this experiment with me. ♥ Perhaps this would be a perfect time to insert some therapy time into that newly available workout time? ;0)
I SOOOO respect you Jen, for your willingness to truly ‘walk through the fire’. You are doing the work that makes the real difference…earning trust of yourself and your body, which will lead you that much closer to your freedom from this ED!! HUGS to you…Jan
I get the lure of that path. I am on that path at the moment and it is not bringing anything more than 5 minutes of pleasure. I wish i was pre-that path. And able to read my own words.
Maybe think of the 8 weeks differently. As a time for healing rather than a time for worsening. I think it has to be about perception. When i found out i could not exercise for 8 weeks, i thought aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhh. It was not pleasant. I would be lying if i said otherwise. BUT, it was not as hard as i thought. It made me appreciate my body and the healing process. Appreciate the fragility of my body and realise that the spirit also is fragile. I could get quite philosophical but i doubt you want to hear that at the moment. I sure as heck don't want to hear my own **** since i am buried under the ed heap.
BUT, I still reckon that you should try viewing the healing time as something other than what the ed would have you see it as.
I love the fact that you are open about what is going on with you. I have a lot of respect for you and wish you well.
HI LA: I know I am late to this post, but I have been right where you are, with a torn achilles and the panic over not being able to exercise. Truth is, I did not gain much weight at all.... and here is the important part. If you try to use that leg again too soon you will just compound the damage. And then will be so prone to re-injury, you won't even know how it happened. So let it heal completely, friend. It' the only way; I know; I had to take a complete year off running, but my tendon is totally healed now. In time, you might be able to bike a bit, but listen to the voices of wisdom above, my dear friend.\
Praying for you.
So my follow up today with my PCP....GAY! Now he is saying an upper ankle sprain with torn ligaments NOT tendons....when everyone else has been saying tendons all along! He ordered the MRI - don't know for when...but it's been ordered...and a walking boot...although my physical therapist said any weight will (again) tear the tendons.... So I guess we just wait for the MRI. AND there still may be small fractures - countless people keep telling me how they had fractures that never showed up and were given the same run around....
I am beyond tears frustrated!!! He said if it's bad enough it could mean surgery! What the heck?!? Everyone else said absolutely no surgery - it wasn't that bad...
I need help! I am still in so much pain! What questions should I be asking?! Can I just request a cast for four weeks and be done with it? Something is def wrong - i almost feel like there may be a fracture because of how it feels when i do walk on it!
Someone said the walking boot is heavy and worse than the cast...should I just give up and go to physical therapy praying it's nothing and it improves?!? I'm not out for pain meds - or attention - I just want answers!!! I am so frustrated! Who would choose to go through this - and yet I feel like no one believes me...and the drs keep asking if I just want pain meds...HELLO! No! I don't! I want you to freakin' do something!!!
la: I am so sorry you have to go through this, honey.
The only other bit of information I can offer is the when I tore my achilles tendon I had several opinions also. Two out of three recommended surgery and said it would not heal otherwise. I chose NOT to have surgery and it took a solid year off running (but was doing eliptical, stepmill, and bike) and it is now totally healed and I can run again.
So that was my experience. I think some doctors go for the surgery because it's an easy and quick fix (easy and quick for them) and because it is a sure thing as opposed to letting it heal on it's own.
Just one opinion though; I sure wish I had an answer for you. If only one doc says surgery I would sure think twice about that.
When I broke my elbow, I had numerous x-rays AND surgery... You know what? It turns out I also fractured my arm lower down, and the fracture only showed up in one of the many x-rays! Huh! I guess they can be hard to detect... Hang in there... Get a second opinion... Or fourth? ;0) But TAKE CARE of you! As Molly has said, you don't want to risk reinjury...
Personally, i didn't need anything but lots of rest and care and that is what i gave myself over that 8 week period. Clearly it was not as serious as yours sounds but i really do think it may be worth getting a second and third opinion, if it is not too costly and then choosing. Please do not rush into anything. Be that a decision or any sort of physical exertion.
I got my walking boot yesterday and it's great - maybe too good- I've been on it all night and all day...even though they said no weight bearing - BUT I have sooo much to do! And come on, I've been on crutches for almost three weeks now! I need to be able to walk!!!
MRI is set for Monday. Took off my boot tonight to shower and it's twice the size of my other leg, ankle and foot...ugh!! AND we are leaving for a beach vacation right now! How the heck am I going to pull this off....
My ED? Well, my weight is at the lowest it's been in about three years since starting recovery....nowhere near underweight or my lowest weight...but of course it's pushing me to keep going and going... I know I NEED to see someone and will try to make that connection soon. :(
LA....I hope your foot/ankle is healing well. Please take your doctor's advice to heart!
I hope 'soon' means you are calling today! Think about what you are sacrificing, and what you could be losing if you let this go on.
Take care of yourself, PLEASE!! HUGS..Jan ♥
