I'm sorry. This is a little embarrassing, but if worst comes to worst, I can always change my name. Yay for anonymity... Anyway, I was attacked and raped this past December. I haven't cried once over it, and I know that must sound crazy. I was hysterical on the way to the hospital, but I just shut down after that and tried to get back to normal. Still have yet to cry. And I've noticed that the one thing that's different about me is, even though the idea of sex absolutely disgusts me, I've been watching porn. I'm trying to quit. But google has proven useless in telling me if this has been a problem for other women. Is anyone else having this problem? This has become a nightly thing for me, and it just makes me feel worse about the whole thing, like he's still winning in some sick sense.
It started off as a face-your-fears thing; I thought I'd watch something, and if it didn't phase me at all, then that was that. It doesn't upset me. Shouldn't it? Am I crazy? Someone tell me I'm not crazy, even if you have to lie.