i am a mess right now i almost did not get out of bed this morning. but i did but why because i needed to run god what is wrong with me I m lying to people around me i back to my old tricks. i am afraid that if i keep this up then i will not be medically stable for treatment part of me wonder if i am sabotaging myself out of fear of failure. I put on weight following my meal plan for only 3 day. it was shocking how quickly the # on the scale creeped up. my fear of food is definaly exterm right now but i do think i m at rick for any major elament any more beacause i have gained soo much i look in the mirror and i want to cry or break somthing i feel like all the work i put into not being fat is being undone its really scary. what is wrong i going around in circle atlest when im deep in my ed i geting some where right now its 2 steps forword 2 steps back i going no where. i dont know any more maybe i just supose to live with this maybe im not as strong as everone think i am maybe recovery is not for me. i really confused and stressed not to mention scared
while any way the all my messed up thinking out on the table for all to well thanks for letting me vent to ya lot of love leah
Leah...When are you going to treatment? Do you know yet?
I am sorry you are suffering so, but it's often much harder right before you begin treatment. Recovery IS for YOU!! Don't give up on it! Thinking of you...Jan ♥
Leah,
BREATHE... ♥ One thing at a time. Getting out of bed is a good first step. When I was in the thick of things, I often felt it was all I could manage. Start there if you must. :) I hope you get into treatment soon. You deserve to recover. ♥
Much love,
Jen
im going to treatment Thursday if it all goes as planed im very nervous but hoping that it will all work out thanks for all your wonderful support i trying to take it slow but im a perfectionist so if i cant do it right or perfect then either i try harder or dont do it at all. so this is a hard battle to fail and try again fail and try again but i dont want to die hopefully inpatient is the answer i need maybe it will help jump start my recovery.love Leah
Leah,
That all or nothing thinking can get us into trouble every time... There's no such thing as perfect, so why not shoot to do your best instead? ♥ I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you! Please write and let us know what's going on!
Love,
Jen
Leah...I agree with Jen....striving to be perfect will get you nowhere fast...it's impossible. This is a special opportunity for you to get help....accept the help, and I hope you will see how special YOU are...thinking of you...Jan ♥