Now What?

Hi,

This is the first time I have joined a support group. I hope it is the right thing to do.

I have been in a relationship for 8 years. During that time, there have been very few fights, a lot of laughs, and a lot of happiness.

I have noticed a change in my boyfriend recently. I let it go thinking he would tell me when he was ready. He didn't. I asked. He said that he loves me very much, but that his ex has been creating a lot of bad feelings with the kids (who are in mid to late teens). They have both told him that they would hate us it we got married. My boyfriend loves his kids. They are his world. I understand. I asked him what we were going to do. He said he didn't know, that we should take a break. He was empty and didn't know where to turn right now and that he couldn't see a way for this to work because he didn't want the kid to hate him or me. I don't want that either. What do I do? I agree to give him some space right now, but for how long? When do I say enough is enough? How do I move on? I love him more than anything and he is my family. I can't imagine a life without him. And on top of this. I really don't have a lot of friends to lean on. I have even been looking up 'friend support groups' hoping to find someone who will be a shoulder to lean on.

Is there any hope?

NowWhat, Welcome to SupportGroups.com, Sometimes with a new relation the kids feel abandoned, left out, hurt by not having the capabilities & wisdom to understand why,what,where happened in the previous relationship & usually act out/direct thoses hurt feelings on the new person. Therapists usually advise to never enter into a new marriage/relationship until the children are grown & moved out unfortunately this is very rare & not the case & is why kids have so many issues nowadays cause their parents are not focused on their lives. Would be wise to let him go (I know you dont want to hear this) & distance yourself & be supportive if you care to while you go through your pain & try to focus on you now. We're here & listening to you, talk when you feel like it.

Take care of you.

April

Do I let go forever? Or, just for now? Eight years is a long time and we were talking about marriage ourselves. And, how do I focus on my pain? I don't know how. I don't have a lot of friends for support. How do you leave behind a soulmate? I don't think I'll ever find someone who is as perfect for me as he is.

Thank you for the support. It means a lot. I just don't know if I'm strong enough to do this. I don't even know what direction to look at anymore. All the special things I have are from him. How do I replace that?

And, a very important question. We were best friends for a few years before we starting dating. Can we go back to being best friends? I really don't want to lose him in any way but I feel like I will die if I lose everything.

If your not ready yet to let go then like you'd mentioned before just keep giving him space & just be the sounding board while you keep talking about what your feelings are here with us & do your best to not get too far ahead of yourself w/your thoughts of "WHAT IF" cause it will make you feel worse & not help you. If you are best friends to begin with then things will take the course they will take & the kids may eventually see that your not there to destory but enhance the family unit in time as it sounds like your very thoughtful of the kids feelings & would be very capable of answering any questions they may have or feeling that may crop up in the situation. You've just begun so catch your breathe, you are the low man on the totum pole so to speak as there is a previous family to be considered which IS wise on both parties part.