My husband just moved out, 8 weeks after announcing he wanted to restart his life. I am facing the holidays alone, and finding it very hard. Please send your kind thoughts.
i am so sorry. these holidays are sucking for me too. i have been with my man for 4 yrs engaged since june, married (through city hall) and planning the wedding since Sept and the day after thanksgiving he tells me only because i asked and sensed he was distant that he wanted a divorce... just keep your head up and know that everything happens for a reason, even though we do not see that reason nor do we understand it.
I am so sorry to hear, that holidays are tough as it is. keep your head up and prayer never hurts either. Since the Christmas is on Sunday this year I am going to spend it at my church being around people. I know its hard and you cant see it when your in a place like that, but there is always hope and things will get better. God's peace be with you. There will probably be alot of us on here during the weekend to help each other so if you need to talk, vent, cry we are here for each other.
helena: Well....I have to say that there is never a good time for this, but you definitely got hit at a worse time of year. I am so sorry. I know you are in pain, shock, despair. I've been there. So have many on this site. Please read the stories of others so you will at least know you have company in your misery. My best advice for the immediate future is to make no major decisions about housing, finances, or other big issues unless you have to. Allow things to settle. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day do not have to be unpleasant. I would surround yourself with friends and family, but give yourself permission to walk away and be alone at any given point in the day, without feeling guilty! My first Christmas without my daughter (I divorced in 1998 when she was barely 3) was actually quite peaceful. The anticipation of the day was not fun, but the day itself was very relaxing. If I recall, my ex took our child to his house for the entire day after she had opened gifts with me. I read magazines, ate a snickers bar, and took a long nap. That part I remember clearly. I would set low expectations for the day, and do what feels best for you. This is not the year for you to try to please your family and friends. Tell them you need them to understand that you may or may not want a full day of socializing and you don't want to have to explain yourself if you decide to walk out the door to go home. Next year will be different and better. I know this is hard for you, and you have my sympathy, understanding, and support.
Thank you all. I am at a very low point, trying to schedule myself with friends, an not wallow alone too much. But I miss him so much---these are the first days in 13 years we haven't talked, and itis so painful. XXE
helena: Time will be your friend. I know you don't want to hear that. Also, each time you talk, text, or email him, unless you get the response you are hoping for, which is doubtful, you will reopen the wound. Hang in there.
Thanks so much, Soft. This seems unbearable. SO far, I haven't contacted him, though we are coming up on some practical things I know need to be dealt with. (separating insurance, getting my files out of the computer he took, etc) But I'm trying to let him make the contact.
I had a very hard night----dreaming of all our life only weeks ago, I thought we woruld be sharing our Christmas. The thought of him decorating his new place, wrapping for his new girlfriend, all of it, just kills me late, when I can't stop my brain.
The world just seems made of couples this time of year, and families, and mine has been shattered.
13 years i am so sorry i cant imagine as i have been with mine 4 years and it kills now his family is saying i need help and this is all my fault that i dont know him and they are and were never any of my business... i guess true colors come out.. i know how you feel all of our friends are coupled off and i feel like the third wheel everywhere i go and now the people i was supposed to spend xmas eve with have been asked to spend it with him. and im not going to make them choose...
helena and needs some hope: You are right, it would be nice to have a partner for the holidays, and the rest of the year for that matter. Your partners have had a head start on healing, because they are the ones who made the decision to end the marriage. Don't look at the callous and cavalier behavior of these men as a sign that you were not worth grieving over. Men push difficult emotions away with girlfriends, cars, fun technology, etc. Your spouses a) made the decision to end things long before they ever told you, and b) bury the feelings of loss and sorrow. The bright side of this is that you will be spending Christmas with people who truly want to be with you, even if you are only with yourself. Not that it helps, but I am certain that if you peek into his life with the new gf in a few months, the honeymoon will be over. The first relationship after a long marriage is seldom the real thing. I know you are hurting. I am so sorry. Try to accept that this will not be the very best Christmas ever, so you are not crushed when it isn't. I promise, next year will not hurt as much, or maybe not at all.
Thanks much. I keep hoping for the day that my husband will feel even a piece of this loss....it just seems so easy for him. (but as you say, he knew he was unhappy, I didn't or still don't know with what)
I spend my time looking at the tea leaves of my memory, trying to understand. He was always so loving.
I also think this affair might not last---but you never know. It just seems unbearable to imagine him sharing all the special things of the season with a stranger, and not caring if I live or die.
Would you want to be sharing Christmas with a stranger? That's what your husband is doing. It sounds pathetic, ackward, and lonely.