Obsessive thoughts

Hi everyone.
I just wondered if anyone had any advice for me.
My obsessive thoughts started a year ago after the breakdown of a short-lived but very intense relationship I had. He ended it, citing that he was not over his issues, and that I needed someone who was ready for me. But I found it very hard to believe when he was so in to it and talking of our future together. I blame myself for letting myself believe and get sucked in. But I am also always constantly wondering what the real issues were. What was it that he didn't like about me? I can cope with anything as long as it's the truth but I know wht he told me wasn't, so it just leaves me questioning myself. It doesn't help that he was so right for me in many many ways. And I've had knocks in the past.
I just can't seem to forget him. I've told myself he was a user, a b*stard etc etc but he wasn't. It must be me.
But while I'm still stuck in this destructive thinking pattern I can't look to the future and I can't move forward. I've become anxious, neurotic, depressed and withdrawn.
The problem is thinking of finding someone again who would make me feel like he did. I hadn't had that before in 15 years.
Part of it too is that I am a bit overweight and conscious of my body, but he loved it. Or so he said. I dunno! I'm just very confused! But fed up of obsessing and not being able to get past it or concentrate on anything else.
xx
Sar

I know It's exausting,and frustrating going over and over the same things.Why it happened, what went wrong,maybe something you can do to change it?It's nornal to obsess after a breakup,especially if it was not your idea.A year is tooo long.As hard as it may seem you need to start thinking about something or someone else.You can do it if you put your mind to it.If you do,it is certin things will improve.You can't change his life. You can only change your's. START TODAY.

It's been nearly a year now. I hit a terrible time around feb this year and it's gone in peaks and troughs ever since. And I now feel stupid because I haven't managed to pull myself out of it in a year!!

To be happy we all need something to look forward to.It does not have to be a relationship. It can be anything. Someone else will come along.For them to see you,for you to see them.You must be happy. Bide your time,find something to look froward to, MAKE yourself Happy. Things will happen.Of this I am sure.

Speaking as a Man.(we can be a rotten bunch).There is a good chance your guy never intended to have a lasting relationship from the start.It sounds bad but there are many men,and women,who just need to be in a tempory relationship they need someone until someone they deem better comes along,or they tire of it. They never invest in the relationship from the start.They will do or say whatever they need to, to make it work but are not emotionally invested.This enables them to leave without a second thought.It also leaves the other person wondering what they did wrong.They can't figure it out,because there's nothing to figure out.

thanks james. Yes I have told myself that he was just in it for using me but it's hard to accept when he seemed so genuine. And he we were talking about moving in together. He seemed more emotionally involved than me actually from the start. It grew for me. I do wonder if he was an adrenaline junkie and just liked the thrill of a new relationship, yet his previous relationship had been a long term one. I think I find it hard to accept as I'm not the kind of person who will just say anything to someone to jog them along and make pronises I don't intend keeping. I guess I'm way too trusting!
And you are right, I do need something to look forward to, but I haven't got anything and that makes the depression worse, I know. Thanks for takingthe time to help
sar

scarie.Happiness like Love is a "decision"
People "decide" to be in love. Most people won't admit it.
It sounds cold, but it true.People "decide" to love many things.Other people,animals,even inaniment objects,like cars,keepsakes.They are devestated when they loose them,because they "decided" they can't live without them.
Happiness is such a "decison".You are unhappy because you decided you should be.You can decide to be happy I promise it is within you.