OBVIOUSLY there's a problem

I don't like to think of myself as "an eating disorder." For the past two years, I have been told repeatedly that I am not an eating disorder, I am an attention seeker. It is a disgrace to have an eating disorder, I am weak, unable to make it on my own. I have given up, I am not trying, and I am a failure. That is how I feel right now as I prepare to enter inpatient treatment.
I have not realized the severity of my disease until the past couple months - I have, both intentionally and unintentionally lost a significant amount of weight - some of it has been trying to lose the weight, and some has been because I have hurt my body so much that I cannot keep anything down. It is wierd to think that I am back in the "anorexic" ballpark with my weight, I haven't been in this position for a while. It is a perverse thrill when I look in the mirror. It is the sick voice of my eating disorder that tells me I am succeeding, finally starting to look good again... I am afraid to gain weight, even though I know I have to.
I went to the ER again for dehydration - they had to poke me three times before they could find a vein that would not collapse.
I am so tired.
I am more than ready to get into treatment. I want my life back, trying to keep things positive.
SIGH
Love to everyone, I will keep you posted.
CC

CC,

You are not an eating disorder. You are not an attention seeker. You HAVE an eating disorder. But you won't forever. ♥ It's nothing to be ashamed of, and it's not your fault. I really hope you get the help you need soon! Your body can't continue to take this abuse.

Thinking of you, dear!

Love,

Jen

dear CC

i hope your ok... i am very happy ot hear you want help and want to get help. this is great and admirable. i wish only the best for you as you move ---travel for help.

i hope you are well and are ok---and very happy you want to get help.

tell us how you are.

love

maureen

CC,

I'm am soooo incredibly happy for you!!! ♥ River Centre!!! You're going to begin recovering, friend! ♥ Much love to you!!

Jen

AMAZING NEWS!!!!!
I will be starting at River Centre on Monday morning - I cannot thank Jan enough for helping me through this process! I will be travelling to Ohio on Sunday and then beginning the program. I am so relieved.
Of course I am anxious like a crazy crazy person!!! But nothing new. It's time for me to get help. The GREAT news is that my vitals are ok still since I got out of the hospital, and I can start the program right away. I can't keep food down, I have a LOT of work to do, and I know it is not going to be easy. But I am going to this clinic on MY terms, it is my idea, me taking charge of my life. I am READY to be happy and healthy and living life again without sorrow, pain, and the constant demons. I know they will never go away entirely, but I am pretty sure that things can improve. I have heard such wonderful things about this program, and I am ready to get healthy.
I am scared out of my wits - meeting so many new people, being in a new state, new part of the country! But it is good. A new start - I need that.
I will keep you all updated about how I am doing. I feel crummy right now. But I am confident that I have made the right decision to go into treatment, FULL time treatment, until I can ground myself.
Love to everyone!
CC

CC...if you were NOT anxious, I would worry ♥
I can't wait to meet you, and the 'team' is eager to meet you and begin to help you take your life back!
You HAVE made the right decision, and the fact that YOU are doing it, will make all the difference!!
Sending you HUGS...Jan ♥

Wow. This is so cool. Congrats CC. I hope that you get all the support you need to get you back to full health.

Wishing you well as you begin recovery.

xxx

Yes! You are taking control over your life. I am honored to witness this. And Jan...you work miracles everyday and touch so many lives, save lives...Namaste :)

Someone 'higher' is in control....I am honored to be a 'messenger'...♥

wow CC--i am so amazed right now....this just blows me away! you took charge--got away from those people who were putting you into the ground--and you are doing it! i am beyond proud of you! beyond! i wish you the best in all you do!

please email me whne you get there and tell me how you are doing...

love
maureen