Ok I have deleted what I wanted to say now 6 times. I have n

Ok I have deleted what I wanted to say now 6 times. I have never done anything like this before. I have always handled things on my own. But I am at a total loss in my life right now. I don't know if this is the right group to post in. I just know I am scared beyond my ability to understand and handle.

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welcome to SG....just post...people will come by and help....this is a good place really....no shame in asking for help...I think many have had to ask for help at one point.....it's actually a very good thing....

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What's going on?

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I feel completely and uttet alone. Long story short. I'm 42 years old. Since the age of 20 I have been in 2 relationships. 13 years exwife, 7 years with girlfriend. At 38 years old my health made an incredible turn for the worse. Because of my health my exwife came after me and got custody of my kids when I was 39. The judge said I could not properly provide for my children. Can you imagine being told that, by someone who dont you. Well my girlfriend is now leaving me. She said she can't do it any more mentally, physically, financially.
She is leaving me because of my health. I have never lived by myself since the age of 18. I am completely overwhelmed. My heart is now shattered. My soul is broken, I am trapped in a body that won't allow me to enjoy life as I knew it. My kids taken from me. I don't want to fight anymore, I am tired of the physical and mental pain that I am in. I am tired, not sleepy tired. I am tired.

@Kace
I just wanted you to know how sorry I am to hear how you are struggling at the moment. I understand how you are feeling as I have been where you are at this moment. Hang in there, okay. Life has a way of working itself out.

Wow...that is alot of stuff. No wonder you are feeling overwhwelmed. I haven't been through what YOU have, and don't know that my reaction would be any different. I can tell you that your kids still need you...even though the custody and living arrangements aren't the same. My two are 25 and 27 and by default I'm kind of their only anchor left. That happens sometimes.
Do you have a close friend or family member who might help you with moral support? That has helped me along the way.
Most of the things you mentioned are outside of your control, but your focus remains in YOUR hands. The only job you have is to do the best that you can, given what you have to work with.
And no checking out early. Remove that as an alternative because it makes eveything worse... permanently. You still have kids to raise and work to do.

@IronJohn I feel like my family is getting tired of hearing me complain about the pain and crying over my ex girlfriend. It seems like they are snapping at me now. It feels like I have nothing left. My kids taken, my life, the best thing that has ever happened to me besides my children is leaving me.

My mom told me that God will never give you something you can’t handle.

Well you know what? I did not want this, did not ask for this, nor do I want this. It’s not who and what I am supposed to be.

My mom says God gave you all this because he knows you are a soldier and a fighter. He knows I can handle this. If he gave all this to someone else, they would not be able to handle this. That is why you have all of this. Maybe it’s the depression but it just seems like I am pissing my family off. My girlfriend said if there was one thing she could change it would be my health. She said everything was perfect and great until I got sick. She said that we have both gone through hell. Unfortunately we are not coming out together. She said she has gone through the mental aspect of hell through all of this and I am going through the physical and mental aspect of this. But she can no longer do it anymore.

That's a ponderous mess to deal with. I can't imagine. Your Mom may be right about God not allowing us to be burdened beyond our abilities to handle. A good friend of mine who is alot more spiritual says the same thing, and she knows more about it than I do.
I do know one thing. About the time I think I've got it rough someone comes along to wreck that notion with troubles that I've never dreamt of. It may be scant comfort, but you have been a blessing to me today in that regard. I will pray and also hope the best for you. I will support you.

@IronJohn Thank you for the support and I get what your saying.

If immediate family turns you away, what is a man to do? I would never turn immediate family away no matter the circumstances. I am so upset right now I don't know how to process what just happened. I am shaking so bad right now. I feel like a **** idiot 41 year old man bawling my eyes out like a baby. I don't know how the hell I am going to survive. I just want all of this to end. I think I might be having a panic attack or anxiety attack right now. I don't know. I just know I am so hurt and scared right now. I am just want to give up. I give up

@Kace My Body too has robbed Me of Hapiness. I have been caring for My Husband, 8yrs after a Brain Injury. It is not pretty. I too was raised being told God doesn’t give more. …and I’m a Warrior. Buddy, you’re broken, in my opinion, Girlfriend is wrong, coming from a Woman,8yrs in the hole. That being said, you gonna get thru this and with help, you come out with new abilities never dreamed of. There is no getting around our finished bodies, granted, but you might grow as a Man, prepared for the next, rather than dependent on. The Sky is honestly the limit, grieve yes but be open to change. Welcome to SG

Gah, the pain, guilt, worthlessness, hopeless. I am existing not living. 24 pills a day, 1 shot everynight, 2 shot every two weeks. And for what you ask? Just so my health can remain stable. Why? It's not.going to cure me. Slowing down the inevitable.

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I'm in the same boat trust me I never wanted help I thought I was to good for it and that it would all be fine now 11 suicude attempts later I finally reached out to s hotline and it helped I feel way better now