In the next few weeks I will be doing two trips. Normally I love being out. I am usually the one who leads and so I can decide when and where to eat. This time I will be with people who i don't know well and also ones that I don't want knowing all of my business. However unless I get sick, I will be there. Part of one trip will be at the beach. I hate my body as it is and would prefer not to see it in a suit. However unless it rains that is not an option. I keep hoping for something to go my way but now the anxiety is rising. I have to buy a suit and..... I think I'm going to be sick. Sorry this may seem really superficial and stupid but I m stressing and coming unglued. Need to vent.
Jenn
Keep breathing Jenn! Your fears are not stupid, nor are they truly superficial. As you and we all know, the fears stem from much more than simply not liking the way you look in a swim suit. Right?
If you feel that you must purchase a suit, there are some options that are less revealing, and you can always get a cover-up, so that there is very little time when your body is actually so exposed. In reality, people will likely be focused on their own 'stuff', and not looking at you nearly like you think they are.
Are these business trips? Do these people know you in ways that are not about just socializing? What I am getting at, is that they likely are not basing their friendship or relationship with you on what you look like or what you weigh. Be gentle with yourself and think about how you can actually enjoy yourself....take care.....jan ♥
Jenn,
Remember too that you get to choose what you wear on the beach. You don't have to parade around in a suit if you're uncomfortable doing so. I bought several pairs of swim shorts to wear over mine, and although initially uncomfortable, it gets better with practice. :) Body image. Bleh-- I'm still waiting for that part of my disease to get better; I've heard it's the last piece... Here's to patience and practice! ♥
Jen
One trip is with all the female cousins on my husbands side of the family. They are not close so when approached about this of course I agreed. Did not realize it would actually mean being on the beach. I had not thought about swim shorts. Thanks Jen. That is the part that I am the most worried about.
The other trip is with church it is just not my group. I will survive, just not going to be comfortable. We are in work sessions during the day, however I just don't know them that well and being out of routine.
I will breathe and pray. It will get there but, I never realized how uneasy I got over things until out of my comfort zone things came up. Thanks for the encouragement.
Jenn
Shorts worked wonderfully. One more event to do but it is slowly getting to be a smaller event so relaxing a little bit. Thank you so much
All travel done. It was not as bad as expected. My only thing is guilt. I stayed in my safe zone but it was at the top. All I could think about today and will tomorrow is that. Guilt is heavy but at the same time I am happy. Is that even possible. I am a family and consumer teacher. We show students what fat looks like and then what muscle in class. All I can think about is the fat in my body since I cannot build muscle. I also just keep thinking that if I am as bad as some say then how come when Igo to doctors for non related things nothing is said. Are they scared too? I have one more dr. appt of the summer, however I am sure she is not going to let me skate by. She knows my secret. I think i can add a few pounds before her visit and maybe not have to see her disappointment. Oh well, thanks for "listening" I have to get to bed. Not sure why I am so tired but have an early morning and some walking to do. Good night.
Hey Jenn, I just read your posts and I understand so well. I'm glad the trips are over and you made it through. I am anorexic and I would feel the same way if I had to go to the beach. I have been recovering from surgery the past two summers so I haven't been anywhere to have to wear a swimsuit. I think I would panic. I go to a therapist and a nutritionist, but I still have alot of body image problems. I think I am so fat, but nobody else will agree with me. It's very frustrating. I'm not allowed to know what I weigh because if I gain a pound I won't eat until its gone. Now I am really getting scared that I have gained. This is a hard thing to recover from! You did good! I'm proud of you!!