Okay, so here I go. I have a daughter who will be 26 this month, and she is a heroin addict. She was clean for a little over a year and a half. She got clean when she got pregnant from her 50 year old boyfriend who is a meth addict. The graduated drug court, and after jail and rehab, she seemed to have pulled it together. Only thing was dad of my grandson was still using. I hired my daughter at my business, thinking it would help her raise my grandson, since her criminal record hurts her chances of getting many jobs. She had a car at the time, but she was still late almost everyday. She looked good some days, and a mess other days. I swear I would of fired her a hundred times if it wasn't my daughter. well, along the way she keeps getting evicted from every apartment, I keep asking her why, and it was always some crazy managers fault, three evictions in six months. Trying to not make this such a long story, but a customer came and told me she was "high" on the job, Always in the bathroom, making customers wait for long periods. I looked on the camera, and it was true, I also discovered she was stealing, maybe a lot, I can't be sure. I confronted her, she blew up, and said "believe your stupid customers, of course that's what you would do!!" She left, and after some pretty hateful texts from me, I havent talked to her again. I have no idea where her and my Grandson are staying, and her boyfriend, and the father of the baby, jumped bail. I'm married, and not to her Dad, we divorced many years ago. My husband said he will not raise a baby in his 60's. I can't afford to give up my business, and get her son if things go worse, and she said she will die if she ever losses her son. I feel so tired, and racked with worry. The baby is sixteen months old, and deserves better than all of this. again, she totally denies using again, she said I'm crazy, but she looked so out of it a few times, there was no doubt. I feel selfish firing her, but I was losing business, due to her being outside smoking, or in the bathroom non-stop. Sometimes she looked so sweaty, and it's winter, makeup all smeared, and I own a salon. It was obvious something was "off" with her. I tried to ignore it, I was in denial myself. I feel like I'm going crazy, with no one to talk to. Am I crazy?
Well for one you are not crazy. A addict knows their ways with words - twist it all up to you - to where you actually feel bad & hence seem "crazy". You are not. She is using again, she relapsed, point blank. It hurts so much that she'd do it again that you are in denial this time around. It's like why do all the hard work to just give up and go back to that horrible lifestyle? Don't you want better for yourself & your son? Is what I'm sure you've been constantly thinking. It's a rough freaking road and you can want all the best for your daughter but she hasn't hit her rock bottom, maybe if that bf was locked up then maybe she'd have a better chance. But you can't take her problems and let them eat away at you. Look for a al non meeting near you, it's for family support of addicts.
@iMissyou89 Thank you, I looked up local groups, only found one at a church. My hope is the bf gets locked up soon, so maybe she needs to get help for her and the baby. It’s like she has no idea what she does to me, it just sucks so bad.
Let me start off by saying that I am sorry that you are going through this. My father was a heroin addict & an alcoholic for all of my childhood. The sad part as you know is that she has a child in the mix as well. I wish I had a clear plan that I could lay out for you to follow but the struggle is different for each addict. I can say that in my fathers' case that religion is what ultimately saved him. He found God and it ended up working for him (for now). By 13 I was raisiing my sister and getting into trouble stealing to make ends meet. There are things I will never forgive him for but at the end of the day I am thankful for the man that it has made me today. Hopefully your grand-daughter will be spared by further selfishness and end up respecting her. I would get her in a local group at the church or NA. You are a great mother to give her the opportunity to rebound but heroin addiction is brutal and very ugly. Its an emotional rollercoaster having to deal with a family member hooked on this sh*t the madness just never ends. She needs to surround herself with QUALITY people. Her needs to reinvent her entire life and thought process. My thoughts are with you and your family. God bless and good luck to you.
Hi, juliensmyheart. I was a heroin addict for many years.. Had a daughter at 16, got clean while pregnant and then started using again..
On again, off again, for years. I don't know that I have much advice for you but maybe a bit of hope.
If you can get her to speak to you, without judgement on your part (I know that's incredibly difficult, and rightly so), you may be able to work something out together. Quitting, or the thought of quitting, is beyond terrifying. You truly don't believe that you'll survive without it.. Not because of the withdrawal, which is god-awful, but because it is the only way that you can cope with life. Most addicts I've known were so over-whelmedby the thought of how they would face their day without it that they just took more dope. To cope, not to be high.
I promise, she does love her son, more than anything in the world. Start a dialogue with her.. ask how you can help. How she is feeling. What she hopes for, what she needs, why she uses (let it alone if she starts to get angry). Tell her you love her, no matter what, and that she can talk to you, about anything and that you can figure it out together. Addicts lie and they hide. Try to be a space where she doesn't have to.
I can't promise that it'll lead to anything good. My hope is that it will lead her to feeling safe enough with you to start looking at treatment facilities that allow mothers and children together. It did for me.
Much luck and from every addict ever, thank you for trying.
@SoItGoes good advice.