Okay. This is it

I know that in order to change your life you have to work on paying much more attention to what's going on inside you, and you have to become accustomed to feeling what TRUE happiness feels like (not some fantasized or idealized interpretation of what you think happiness "SHOULD" feel like). And you have to cultivate trust amongst miles of doubt, and, the biggest one for me personally, you have to learn how to BELIEVE in yourself.

I finally realized that, to me personally, believing in myself that I can do this (or anything in life for that matter) means EXPECTING myself to do it. If I genuinely expect this to happen, then it will happen.

I've learned more than I could've ever imagined, from some resources I didn't even realize existed (inside my heart). I've practiced application of all these different tools I've learned over the years. I know the reasons behind every episode of struggling I have. I am so ridiculously aware and vigilant.

Do I know what I'm doing? Now I actually am thinking that it doesn't matter whether I "know" what I'm doing or not. Fear is the only thing that allows courage to even exist.

Hi...awareness is an important piece to recovery. Expectations or goals are good, but don't overwhelm yourself or you may give up. Can you use that awareness to figure out a plan to move forward? Are you seeing a professional for help with this? Wishing you well...Jan ♥

You're sooo right in that there's a line between having realistic goals that motivate you to take action, and having grandiose goals that overwhelm you and de-motivate you. And every time I write-out a plan, even if it's just a to-do list for the day, I never carry it out. I can outline a plan or a set of goals all I want, where I want (on a computer, on paper, in my head, in a daily planner, etc etc etc), and however I want, but I never follow along with it. I have a severe lack of self-discipline when it comes to following my own directions, and most of the time suggestions/directions from others as well.

And yes, I'm seeing professionals almost every day of the week, in various therapy/outpatient programs. Thanks for the wellness wishes, they're definitely reciprocated! :)