Old Journals

I was cleaning out a shed with my mom last weekend and came across some of my old journals from the time I was struggling with my ED. Reading through the pages I couldn't believe how eloquently I expressed my true feelings about my life during that time. It also showed me how deep and dark my life was then. I started to keep journals when I was in high school. Most of them where sadly lost when I left my ex husband but I still have a ton of them left. Sometimes I wish I could share them with someone just to let them know how I really felt about myself and what an awful disease this is, at other times I want to destroy them so that I can totally break free from the hold the ED has had over me.

When I was reading through the one's I found this weekend I was amazed at how far I have come and felt like an outsider looking into someone else's life, if that makes sense. Guess the point I'm trying to get to here is what does one do with old journals? I'm not in therapy any longer so it wouldn't be like I could share them with my therapist. I guess there's still a part of me that wants someone to "get" what I'm all about.

Your feedback would be much appreciated.

Cathy

Cathy .... congrats on your success!

I made a mistake of getting rid of my past. Now, when I feel those things that I had felt a long time ago I have nothing to look back at. I can't see how far along I have come. I can't see how bad it was.

Granted, burning those books was an awesome feeling. I felt sooo ALIVE when I did that. I was soooo happy. It was like lifting millions of pounds off of my shoulders.

Now, I really wish I didn't destroy them. There are times I just wish I could look back and see what it was I had ... where I had come from.

I don't know what you will decide to do, but I wish you continued success. :)

Cathy,
I too, have several journals from my darkest times with the eating disorder. At one point, I got rid of some of them, and I now regret it. I found that I had to discern about when to read them, or when it was not best to 'go back there', but the ones I have kept, I'm glad I have...not sure if I will ever use them or need them...but they are a part of my journey.
If nothing else, at some point, you may be able to use them to better understand yourself, and that's truly what is most important....thank you for sharing...Jan ♥

Thanks Luv and Jan!!

I was so contemplating whether or not to burn/throw them out but like both of you said, I'm sure I would regret that in the future. I know I have to choose the "right" time to be looking through them because I could really be brought down if I wasn't in the right frame of mind. I think for now anyway I will just hang on to them and find a good "hiding place". I really appreciate your thoughtful replies!! And like you said, Jan, they are a part of my journey and a part of who I am as a person.

I'm so glad I can come here to bounce things off people who "get" it and get a reality check!!