Old rage is keeping me from moving forward! There HAS to be an answer!

I have been working through a lot of co-dependency issues and have made a lot of headway (much of it due to the people here)...
I just hit a HUGE one and I need some advice.

We've been married for 40 years, and have NEVER been able to really discuss a BUDGET, mainly because she has always thrown up her f***ing temper to keep from having to do that.

This ongoing "problem" has now put us into a difficult financial place. So today I was determined to deal with this budget issue with her.

But something TOTALLY UNEXPECTED happened...

My years of stuffing things reared it's ugly head...
...and I just went into an uncontrollable emotional "overwhelm" and just had to leave in order to contain things.

So, now what?

So dust yourself off & try it again as your doing the right thing in discussing a budget w/her that will help take the stress off of both of you & will ensure a better quality of life emotionally/physically instead of being worried most days about it. Have a written out plan of what may work for a budget & what may need to be adjusted to SHARE w/her, worth a try.

Hi Gregczar, it's good that you walked away when you started to feel emotionally overwhelmed because it probably wouldn't have gone anywhere positive if you stayed. The best way to contain feelings and emotions is to walk away and take some deep breaths until you've calmed down. Tackle the budget with her slowly but surely and take baby steps, don't feel like you need to tackle it all at once. Maybe divide it up by line items and commit to covering so many per day with her. As well, you can make it fun and tell her that if she sticks to the budget then she'll get a reward at the end of the month, such as a manicure/pedicure or a dinner out. Sometimes it's good to incentivise, most especially when it's something that's super stressful for the two of you. Make it light and fun so that she won't resent a budget.


i too have been married for over fourty years we have an account where the monies for the bills, house, odds ends come out of whats left is split into two and we have half each of that, allowing us to do things we want to do but not upset the necessary things

puppy has some great ideas as well, although i must admit i spend my half on coffee out so i can people watch.

as always loving thoughts and positive vibes
D :)