So I still am living with my husband whom I have grown to hate after all the horrid things that he has done, however I am trying to make the best of it and finish school so I can better myself. We have agreed to live together and see other people and so far that is not working out so well. I screwed up big time and now I just have no idea what i am going to do. I started seeing someone and this someone happens to be my husbands friend and colleague. I knew that was trouble but yet I persist!! This guy is married in an extremely unhappy marriage and I knew this, and still I persist!! His wife is pregnant with their first child, and I thought hey I am unhappy, he is unhappy lets see if the two of us can find happiness together. WRONG!!! Although we seem perfect together this relationship was over before it really started. We love being together and spending time with eachother when we can. But my husband, ex-husband whatever you want to call him knows about us. He told the other guys wife and now she is understandably upset. So we are having trouble talking, seeing eachother and everything else. I don't know what in the hell I was thinking but now I guess I am in this rebound and I know that I have to let him go so he can work this out with his wife but I am having trouble doing so. I guess after all I have been through with my husband I just needed to be happy and try to find love or something. I know I went about it all the wrong way and now we are both stuck in limbo and have no idea what to do now. Like I said I know that I have to let this guy go and I am coming to terms with that but I have not been able to see him to even tell him. I was going to tell him that I think he should work things out with his wife and if things ended down the line that I will be there for him. I really like him so much maybe even love him, we are compatable, he is so sweet, he likes my kids and they like him. It is crazy! He deserves so much better than his ***** wife, and I am not just saying that because I like him. I knew her long before our marriages fell apart and she was a ***** then too! But anyways back to my point, I want him and I know what I have to do and I intend to, I just need help trying to figure out how to move on from this and my sadness. Me and him both deserve so much better than what we have and I know that if it was meant to be that we will find our way back to eachother but I am so afraid of finding out that we are not meant to be together and I am afraid that I will never find love and happiness. I have been through alot in the last 6 months and I have come a long way considering what happened, but I still am torn up about how all of this went down. What can I do?? How can I get over this?? I know that it will eventually be ok but how do I keep myself from self destructing. Any comments or constructive critisism would be helpful. I have my previous posts on here so if you are inclined to read about me and my journey it is all their. Thanks in advance!!
All I can say is I hope you find love w/ someone that cares & respects you. I do know that sometimes we find ourselves attracted to someone our mind knows isn't the right one but our heart/body doesn't want to listen. I hope this all works out for you...w/out you being hurt. Just remember to love yourself & don't let the other people involved push guilt on your shoulders.
Livinginhell, am hopeful you can find the strength within yourself to just focus on YOU & let go of the merrygoround as your very aware this will lead nowhere for all involved directly/indirectly. Its a simple thing to focus, lust after a new relationship cause it feels good at first & then the kids (the other man) are exposed by feeling left out of their parents life because their focus is on the new relationship & they become resentful & that creates a whole other set of issues for them & everyone else down the road & I wont even begin to discuss the guilt issues you may experience later on too UGH......take it from someone thats been there you dont want to ADD this to your plate & you already know that.
Am glad your still talking it through w/us friend.
Thanks for your kind words! I know where this situation is for right now however, I do not know what will happen in the future. I know that I need to let go but I cant seem to. He still wants this and so do I, but I am not sure if I should. I am afraid that I will never find anyone else so I keep hanging on. I just want to be happy and have love. I am not sure if this is just a rebound thing or not. If it is then I cant understand why I feel the way I do about him. And if not then maybe it is meant to be and we can eventually be together. I am so terrified of trying to find someone else, people are so crazy these days and I am afraid for myself and kids. I know this guy, I know how great he is and how compatible we are. He loves my kids and they love him. They of course have no idea that any of this is going on but when he came around before they just flock to him. I dont know what to do, I dont know if I will find anyone else, I dont know that I want to. Is there a chance that it could ever be?? If not then why are we both clinging to hope so bad?? Why cant we just stop and be done with eachother?? He told me that he should have just waited until his marriage naturally fell apart before we started this. I know that sounds bad but he is in a bad relationship with his wife. I do not think they belong together, I never thought they did even before my marriage was crap. So now what?????????? I am so depressed, he is all I can think about. I want to talk to him so bad and I cant right now and that makes this impossible. How can I find the strength to let go, and is that the right decision??? Thanks for your help everyone!
The bible said what God has joined together let no man separate.you have separated a marriage that God has put together.You need to stop trying to look for happiness in a man.We all have a void inside of us and that void has the shape of God.The problem is that people try to fill that void with drugs,alcohol,men,and women and as long as you continue. Doing that you will always be unhappy no matter who the guy is. A man. Can never fill the void that. Was designed for God to fill.Stop looking for love and happiness in men. Men are imperfect and we will always fail. But God never fails perhaps you were abandoned or deprived from love when you were little and that's why you keep looking to fill that void but believe me, come to jesus and drink from the well of water that will never run dry.confess your sin of adultery the bible said adultereres will NOT inherit the kingdom of heaven.God loves you but he hates your sin. Come to jesus repent his arms are open wide. There is a way that seems right to man but its end is death.stop destroying yours and others lives before its to late!
livinginhell, do you honestly think this guy will keep you for more than a side thing once his baby is born?
Even if he did, he cheated on his wife who is pregnant with his first child.
Do you honestly think he wont cheat on you too? My guess is when you think he is with wife, he is out with another ***** and telling her that his wife doesn't understand him.
Saxman, you are right and I am trying very hard to see it the way you have explained it. I have asked God to help me and to forgive me and I know that he has because I would be in a much worse place right now if he were not. I guess time heals all things and I am trying to make myself right. Please pray for me!! I will continue my path of becaoming the woman that I need to be. Thank you for your thoughtful words.
JustMe16159, I do not think that at all. I know that once his baby comes he will fall in live with him and I am so happy that God has blessed him with the baby that he has wanted for so long. I am not seeing him anymore, it is hard to let go but I am trying my very hardest to do so. Everything ended and I was left with no closure and that is ok. I know that I will be allright and it was not meant to be. It is still quite hard though. I do not know what in the heck I was thinking or doing in this case. I guess I was just so blinded by my own pain that I did not care what the situation was I just wanted to feel better about myself. I think it started off as revenge on my husband and it quickly turned into something else for the both of us. It has been a hard road and I now know that it was going to end in disaster, I wishI would have seen that sooner but like I said I was blinded by my hurt that my husband caused I just did not care. I really don't know!! I hate that I was so selfish! I want to overcome that and be a better person. I guess in time I will find my way.
Thanks everyone for your support through all of this craziness in my life.