On Saturday she wrote to me that she would like to explore t

On Saturday she wrote to me that she would like to explore the emotions that had started growing between us. Then on Sunday she said that she wanted to get close to me. She said that she admired my masculinity. She said that she wanted me to tell her about all the things that I could offer to her. She said that it's okay, if I'm not like the other guys. We spoke of meaningful things, we spoke of difficult things. We smiled, laughed and played a little game together.

She opened up to me and cried. I was there for her supporting her through the moment and allowing her cry as long as she wanted. I expressed my wish that one day I would like to fall in love with her.

She asked me to tell her what I could give her. I spent a good long time telling her in her detail. We made plans to meet again soon. Everything was fine on Sunday evening.

Then on Monday morning she wrote to me. Explaining in detail why she wants nothing to do with me. It was then that she broke my heart. As quickly as I heal a broken heart is still a big deal. I would like to ask your help. How do I stop obsessing over her? How do I let her go and move on? Please help, because I would really rather not spend my evenings and nights obsessing over her.

@AugWrath I'm so sorry you had a heartbreaking experience. I was wondering whether she was the narcissist that you knew previously, or someone new?... The following is from the article, "How To Quit Your Unhealthy Obsession And Get Over Him/Her For Good:"

"1. SEE HER FOR WHO SHE REALLY IS.
When we hold someone high up on a pedestal, we see them as some really hot, super deity and ignore his human side. You see his zits as ‘beauty marks’ and his burps are classical music to your ears. But if you take him off the pedestal for a minute, you’ll start to notice little annoying things you’ve never noticed before, like how shallow he is or how he says ‘lie-berry’ instead of ‘library.’ Slowly but surely, you’ll see him as a normal human being and he’ll become infinitely less fascinating.

2. ENLIST YOUR FRIENDS TO HELP.
Whoever your obsessing about, nine times out ten, your friends probably can’t stand him. Partly because you keep pissing and moaning about it, but mostly because they’ve known from the very beginning that this person was/is taking advantage of you. So if you’re having a hard time seeing him for what he is or you find yourself wanting to reach out to him, reach out to your friends instead. They’ll snap you out of your fog and remind you about why he’s awful for you.

3. DON’T LET HER VALIDATE WHO YOU ARE.
When you’re obsessed with someone, you tend to hold his opinion in much higher regard than everyone else’s. What he thinks of you at any given moment can crush your soul or make you fly higher than a giraffe’s butt. It’s a tired and old emotional roller coaster that’s not healthy to be on. It’s time for you to get off, go to the mirror and remind yourself that you’re an awesome person who talks to themselves in the mirror and if he can’t see that, then you need to give him walking papers.

4. DISCONNECT YOURSELF.
This was easier to do back in the day when ‘disconnect’ meant you just wouldn’t call him anymore from your house phone that was mounted in the kitchen. But now, with your crush being one tap on your magic phone away, it’s much more important now than ever to disconnect yourself from him by unfriending/unfollowing him on every social media site you’re signed up for. Trust us, you’ll still get through the day just fine not seeing the Willow-filtered Instagram picture he took of his breakfast this morning. Not to mention all the time you’ll save since you won’t be sitting there looking at his picture, waiting for someone else to ‘like’ it first before you like it because you don’t want to seem too eager. See how sad and pathetic that sounds? Disconnect NOW.

5. REMEMBER THE BAD TIMES, TOO.
Don’t just remember the times he made you feel great, remember the times he made you feel awful, because we’re betting you have a lot more of those stored in your memory banks. Remember the times he bailed on you at the last minute or how he said he’d come to your birthday party and never showed up. When you remember how flippant he’s been with your feelings and your time, you’ll be less likely to waste your day stalking his Facebook page.

6. FIND SOMEONE WHO MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF.
It doesn’t have to be anyone you’re romantically interested in, it can be your friends or your family. Surround yourself with people who enjoy having you around, who cherish your company and your time. The more you do this, the more you’ll be reminded of how you’re supposed to be treated. When you feel good, you won’t go rushing back to the person who makes you feel bad.

7. DON’T MAKE YOURSELF AVAILABLE.
Don’t be easy to make plans with, especially if he wants to do something last minute, or he wants you to go out of your way to meet him. Don’t cancel plans with other friends or stop what you’re doing to accommodate his whims. It’s disrespectful and insulting to you that he expects to be your number one priority every time he gets a hankering for your attention.

8. TRICK YOURSELF.
Use your obsession against yourself and make a deal that whenever you think about him during the day, you have to do 25 push-ups or something as equally as awful. Soon, a Pavlov’s dog type thing starts to happen where you start associating your obsession with the pain of a tedious workout and it’ll be a lot easier to stop your obsessive thoughts in their tracks.

9. FIND A DISTRACTION.
Being obsessed with someone is time-consuming, so stop giving it any time! Find a fun hobby to be passionate about, join an exercise class, plan a vacation with friends, start a dog walking service, ANYTHING that’ll keep you from obsessing. When you occupy your time with healthy activities, you won’t have time to obsess, you’ll be much more productive and feel a whole lot better about yourself.

10. FIND OUT WHAT’S BEHIND YOUR OBSESSION AND FIX IT.
You can probably make a list of why you’re obsessed with him, but dig a little deeper and figure out why you’ve allowed him to treat you like a second class citizen. People tend to have obsessive behavior when they’re trying to fill a certain sense of emptiness or loneliness they feel deep down inside, that they think this “special person” can rescue them from. (Spoiler Alert: They can’t.) Get psychological help if you feel like you can’t do it on your own. Once you figure out what it is and realize that putting your happiness on to one person isn’t the solution and nothing positive will ever come out of it, you’ll have a better chance of getting over your obsession and be free of unnecessary heartache and torment. It takes time, but it’s worth it!"

@pickone

She’s another narcissist abuse survivor. The obsessive behavior seems to be something that the Narc I know left in me, which while worrisome hasn’t started me obsessing over that person - very happy about thqt. Thanks for the article. I’ll give it a proper read later today. I knocked myself out with valerian root extract, so I got some much needed sleep last night.

@luna1994

I have already put her on my NC list, blocked her on social media, gotten rid of phone number, blocked her email address and deleted everything we ever messaged. It’s all being done as per NC protocol to wipe her out of my life. That’s not the issue.

Now I have had the time to properly consume the entire list. Number 6 sent hot waves crashing through my body. I don't know when I forgot about it, but I should always remember that the only people who really matter are those who I interact with naturally. The people who are happy to see me and reach out to me of their own volition.

I'm quite happy to invite all kinds of people to events that I host, but these individuals are not my friends. They are at best casual acquaintances. Even if there is a similar, life-altering, event in their history.

I have to remember that I have very good social skills. I can make other people feel welcome. I can make others speak about things that they haven't talked about in years and all it takes is a slight nudge from me. This does not make us friends.

It just means that I'm skilled at connecting to another human being on a deeper level, accepting them as they are without any qualifications and being present in a supportive way. I can do all of this and they are not my friends.

Sometimes I get too excited about people who are very special in my eyes. Except that I need to be vigilant. Just because I can connect with other people and make them open up to me doesn't mean that they are good for me. Good to have around me.

The unconditional love that I have learned to give feels different. It is a constant, powerful, torrent. Other people will lie to me or say things that I want to hear just so they can have more. That last part is really hard for me to accept. I don't want to believe it, but I'm starting to see consistent proof. This is why I need to be careful about who I get excited about. I also need to remember that I am codependent, so I can get overly excited about the idea of someone, not who they really are.

The good news is that she hasn't been on my mind all day long. Nearly ten hours. As I'm writing this I can feel my heart growing steadily colder towards her. This is better than hating her. I don't want to hate her, because she just reacted badly to me. This is the difference between between recovering from mental abuse and getting my heart broken - I'm becoming indifferent of her. This is good.

There. That should do for now.