Please is there anyone who has been a anorexic, underweight and then went on to binge eat more and more. Alcohol seems to always be the trigger for me as well as stressful work days. It happens more and more for me and so worried direction my life is taking. Any feedback appreciated.
Thanks,
S
Alcohol is a huge trigger for binge eating for me, It has been hard but I have tried to stop drinking (i just dont buy it so im not tempted) or when I do drink I make sure I am with people so i am less likely to binge around them
Thanks for your response. I almost always have nights where I plan to binge eat and drink alone. I know I really have to try to stop drinking as it is really making everything worse. I would never want people I know to see me in one of my episodes. I feet so out of control.
i used to do the same. Every friday I would get a box of wine, and a bunch of junk food and sit by myself and binge. I would be so happy in the moment, like my inhabitions and control had left me. Then I would purge and hate myself., the self loathing I would feel the next day would almost cripple me. I descided it wasn't worth it.
How did you finally get to that point? There seems to be this separate person in side me that is much stronger than me. Yes, the next day is alway's horrible like you say. Do you now still think about food a lot or just eat like a normal person?
I am constantly thinking about food, counting my calories ( know the exact amount I have consumed today and how many more I will allow myself) and thinking about my next meal. My sister's baby shower is tommorow and all I can think about is the food that will be there and what I will allow myself and how i need to make sure I restrict myself. About a month ago I decided to stop binging and purging. I would have episodes about 2 or 3 times a week, I hated how I felt after. My last really bad one I was drunk off boxed wine and ate and ate and ate. Gross things I just through together because I try to keep junk food out of my house. Like I ate a whole jar of peanut butter and mixed it with icecream, brown sugar, cereal, honey, and anything else sweet I could find. I purged it all up and went to bed, When I woke up all I could smell was peanut butter. I went in the kitchen and found crumbs and reminates of my discusting nite. I can't discribe the deep depression and self hatred I felt, I just wanted to die. I thought, thats it, that 30 mins of binging is not worth this day of hatred. So I decided to not buy the stuff. Don't have wine or liquir in the house and I can control my binges. It's really tough, Expecially after a stressful day at work. night time is the worst. I will just drink a bunch of herbal tea with sweetener to hold off my cravings. I have given in about twice since I vowed against it, and hated myself each time. I think its actually good to be reminded of the horrible feeling it causes. Im not healed by any means though. since I decided not to binge, I am more obsessed about restricting what I eat and making sure I don't exceed a stupid calorie limit Ive given my self. I have actually lost wieght (which really was not my intention). I know Im thin, I hate how thin I am, but the thought of gaining weight (even a little) terrifies me. The beast is with me always, but at least Ive been getting myself motivated to stop. Reading and posting on this site has been sooooo helpful. no one knows about my ED, its nice to be able to "talk" about it and admit it "outloud". Even this ramboling message has been great to get out of my system, thanks for listening.
Thanks for sharing. It helps me to just sometimes to talk about it, especially with someone who gets it, you know?
I used to have the same problems...during the day I would restrict and count every calorie but then when I would go out with my friends I would drink....which honestly just causes you to feel fat anyway and if you dont eat its even worse. So then I would eat so I wouldnt get sick but then I would make myself sick because I felt so horrible about the things I ate.
I also had issues because my friends liked to eat out alot so I would come home a little before them so I could purge before they got home (we all lived together) Alcohol really isnt good for anyone so I would say if you can stop drinking that would be the best thing. It is great that you have been able to stop buying it at all....that was the only thing that helped me. I moved in with my girl friend and she does not drink so it makes it so much easier! You really just have to figure out what your triggers are and then learn to think about them differently, or stay way from the all togehter. That is something I am still trying to work on.