Today I am pissed at myself. I flushed the laxatives down the toilet and yesterday went and bought more. I had one day free. After I bought the things I went to hide them and found some more that I forgot I had. The scale says I gained a pound and that put me into panic mode today and it is still morning. I called and left a message for a woman who specializes in ED and I was waiting for a call back. Wouldn't you know it she called when I was taking out the garbage and now she won't be in the office until Monday. I have some recovery meetings to go to this weekend so that is a positive thing for me. This thing is horrible. This is the only place I have been honest about taking pills last night. Nobody else knows, yet. I will tell on my disease when I go to a meeting tomorrow but for now I fear rejection and humiliation.
Just praying a lot today that my Higher Power will take this obsession from me.
Cheriann: I will keep you in my prayers; I know how badly you want to be rid of this; we all do. I can so relate to the "one pound panic" and am praying for the time when that does not ruin my day.... Hang in there and stay strong!
Cherrianne
you will not be rejected ..they are there to help.Do you know the laxatives are damaging and actually cause you to gain weight ..water weight.Youe scale is only there to taunt you.I know its hard to give it up TRUST me I do but I have found that it was only causeing me more tears.Self talk helped me avoiding the number helped me.I knew that number was going to go up.I fought it but I know wher I was at with my weight and how I kept it low was NOT healthy.I don't know how to help you get rid of your scale actually I still have mine but I haven;t stepped on it for some time now.Im afraid of it.
I hope that you can continue to get some professional help and the best way to get the proper help is to be totally honest with yourself and the professionals.
I will be thinking of you but like Jan always says fight for what you feel you need.Those words have always stuck with me.
Love Grace
and KUDOS to you for flushing the laxatives...I know your upset with yourself for finding more and buying more.Just tell yourself how much damage they can cause you.I did the same thing when I walked by them in the store months ago I had them in my hand the voice was strong ..but I told myself don't do it and I put it back on the shelf.you had a slip today is a new day you can start fresh today.Flush them!!
Way to go Grace…so good to see you writing more again!!
Cheriann…take it one day at a time, and please try not to get too ‘down’ on yourself.
I’m glad that you find support here…keep writing and never give up!!
Jan 
As of today I have 2 and 1/2 day off the laxatives and no other behaviors that support the bullemia, so far. My support group told me about a book that I am reading and it is so much help. I cannot believe with all of the books I read that this one is the best one for me. As soon as I started reading it I could relate and start getting help.
I tried to find a therapist who specializes in E.D. but the website had the insurance info wrong. When she called me she let me know that they do not take medicaid. I am back at square one with that. I am going to ask my therapist if she will read this book to help me out. Most therapists read it because it is required but I don't think mine got that memo! lol
Anyway, I am doing a lot better today! I am going to a 12 step meeting everyday and talking to my sponsor everyday and I am making a phone connection to another support person. My struggle is far from over but for this moment I feel ok.
Cheriann: Can you share with us the title of the book? I am currently reading "Intuitive Eating" and am always looking for good books on ED
Thanks!
Life without ED is the name of it. I highly recommend it.
I found it used at Barnes and Noble for 7 bucks!
Thanks Cherieann: I have read it and it is a great book!