One week after I filed my response I received notice of a De

One week after I filed my response I received notice of a Dec 17th court date. I received it via email yesterday. I wish I understood why I still feel shocked with each step. Today I am struggling . Even in a crappy unhappy marriage , I guess I just never thought he would actually divorce me. Not because I or what we had was so great, I just did not take the threats seriously. I am stuck in denial and don't know why? No one else was surprised by this but, me.
Where will I live? When is this done and I need to be out? I cannot take care of our home so that is not an option. Stupid things like all the address changes , Bill pays and accounts to close. These relatively small tasks feel so overwhelming. Everyone says and they mean well, you will be fine. You will get through this. After 33 years together and countless breakups and struggles I guess I just keep expecting him to come home and say let's not end this? Denial, depression not too much anger yet. I wish I could cry, scream, curl up and let it out! Praying for eventual acceptance and the will to go on!

2 Hearts

hi sorry to hear my I ask how long together

28 years married and 33 years together. I am 51. Grown daughters 25 and 27. I have never been in a court room in my life and now I have a court date! It's just all crap. I try to tell myself I don't have to have all the answers today it's ok to let this unfold. I will figure it out, won't I.? I do have to have my job and I it is only by the grace of God that I can stay below the radar while I am in this melt down! I am someone of a deep faith and have supported many people through challenges. I sadly cannot seem to let go of my own need to for control to out my trust and life in Gods hands right now. I know until I surrender to this I will be lost.

I think you want to try to reconcile?

Reconciliation for him would be me saying I am to blame and need to make all the changes. It's always someone else's fault for things that don't go well in his life. Yes if he owned the problems he has had and how he has mistreated me maybe there would be something to talk about. The whole marriage has been troubled and no to poor communication on both sides. In Jan it would be 3 years since he had a one night stand with a complete stranger. That was how I came to SG. We tried to save it as many do. I could not get passed it and could not forgive him. It has only been recently that I realized what everyone in the infidelity site was saying. Actions speak louder than words. I could not forgive because deep down I did not believe he was sorry. I truly feel somewhere in him he believes I got what I deserved. He could not step up and be the healer. I needed him to reassure me of his love and my worth. Sadly I just kept declining in the rabbit hole and he was shoveling on not pulling me out. I do believe we could have gotten past this with genuine remorse and humility. He has neither at this time. So he has been unhappy. You think? It's all about him. We both agree it should not have came to this but for very different reasons. Thank you for listening!

1 Heart

@rikk I am a very competent person I have a Ph.D. and have run some huge programs with multi-million dollar budgets and I am now relegated to sitting in a dark basement because everything else feels weird and overwhelming. I know what you are saying.

@sgerard I think you were posting to me? Yes I have read your post and I hear your suffering. I have no doubt your competent. I am a sales manager for a fourtune 100 company. I don't doubt my ability to support myself I am 51 my children are grown and I really only have to take care of. I am blessed not to have that worry but, being older has other challenges.who wants to start over at 51. I cannot take care of our home. Snow blowing mowing 4 acres. So I will have to move. Just another uncertainty. Life is upside down. Broken hearts don't discriminate buy level of education. High IQ does not protect us from emotional distress. I am truly sorry. I hear your pain and hurt for you. What your PH.D. Will do for you,is allow you to make a living that you can feel proud of. Someone will come into your life that is worthy of all you have to offer. You will make it, I will make it too. We just don't know it yet!

@Matchbox25 funny don’t know how that wound up here. Someone said something about being overwhelmed just getting milk etc… It sucks I went from a beautiful large home with me & my wife paying the bills to a smaller home and 2nd wife after some time on my own, and now back home with parents. What a total horror show. I am 47 with my STBX being 50. She decided at 50 she no longer wanted to be a mother & wife. Life is just a joy.

@sgerard I am so sorry. It does suck for sure. We are still living in the same house and have a court date and that is just to set up mediation to divide up 33 years together . Yes I was posting feeling overwhelmed by the thought of closing bank accounts and changing addresses. So small int big scheme but everything is overwhelming. I go out when I have to and that is a challenge many days. I just got back from a trip which helped but it is very hard. At some point you and or your wife will need to make some choices. I think a big part of your struggle maybe that uncertainty if she wants out why does she not have a lawyer? I am sure that gives you some hope. When your ready you will want a way forward with or with out her. There is an inherent fear in the unknown. Perhaps when you make a move you will feel better? Material things can be replaced. Remember not to settle for crumbs from someone who swore to love and honor you! Blessings!

@Matchbox25 Thank you very thoughtful closing lines. I have been willing to settle for nothing from her I loved her so much I gave her the power to use herself as a weapon and she did so. I’d be happy just doing anything, as long as she was there, yet she always needed more than me. She never understood how that made me feel. I was like a dog whose human just can home from work every time I saw her. I don’t know why she hasn’t moved on an attorney yet I have informed her I will act as my own to shake her head up a bit let her know I am paying attention.

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