Our Fears

Mental Health Eating Disorders & Body Dysmorphia
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*If this triggers you in anyway I apologize in advance, and ask that you leave a comment on how it specifically triggered you*

This is one of the hardest things in recovery..conquering our fears. Specifically fear of foods.

Restaurants are one of the worst. Your food is prepared around closed doors and the portions always seem bigger. It's quite overwhelming when it comes to the table and sometimes I have to take a few breathes before trying it.
I also know my ED has stopped me from trying foods because of how they are prepared. "Fried" "Breaded" "Drizzled in oil"

But what makes these foods so scary? Why have they been forbidden in my mind? What's so bad about something in a pastry, or something covered in chocolate? My ED has taught me this. That I don't need them in my life...if I eat them I'll get addicted and want it all the time. I won't be able to stop myself. I'll get out of control. I'll get f** (I hate that word). Is that true though? I don't think so...but I'm still hesitant to rebel.

The media I think has a lot to with it too. All these health articles and fashion magazines make these kinds of foods off limits for the "perfect body." But what is perfection? If I have learned anything through this is that I am "perfect" the way I am. I don't need to change myself for someone else, and I don't have to prove myself to anybody. I shouldn't be ashamed to admit that some of these "off limit" foods I do actually enjoy. I shouldn't have to make up excuses to avoid them, I need to face them! Try them and see if I like them. Variety is key. No one likes eating the same 5 meals all their life.

Sure we can recover and get back to a healthy weight avoiding these foods...but will we ever FULLY recover? Will we ever be free? No.

So...
What are some of your tactics for conquering your fear foods? Do you try them, or do you still avoid them? What are your feelings towards them?

I also have a challenge for you all. Conquer ONE fear a week. Just one....and let's hope the world doesn't end :P (of course I'm kidding...we all know it won't)
I shall do the same.
Keep track of your feelings, share them with us if you wish.

We're all here to support each other, and I wish you all the best of luck <3

Paige xoxo

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there was nothing triggering about this post at all...

it is sooooo true, so true--for me--i freak in restraunts.. just recently i started adding 'unsafe foods' in my meal plan! do you know why????? i was freakin BORED out of my head from my safe perfect healthy meal plan. it allowed no room for 'bad foods'. none.... it sucked. i would be at a restraunt and i would see someone order a cheesburger and fries andi would go crazzzzyyy! i WANT that! i want that, and yet i was stuck with my usual, broiled fish and veggies...sigh. i got sooooo bored..bored out of my skull. so, i recently started incorportating these foods in my diet , slowly...and i feel better now! my weight hasnt changed that much-it has overall been somewhat the same...
and i feel better for it--more fulfilled and less scared!

i am afraid of the super large portions at restraunts, though--sometimes it is like--for 3 people! wow! but, as we work throgh these fears, we discover ourselves more. what we like, who we are. when we face our fears and nothing bad happens,we become stronger. yes, i do still have fears of how they prepare the foods at restraunts, but im getting over it....slowly..

i have enjoyed the taste of food more recently ,the wonder of the tast buds. ha! it is great. and --it helps us live life more --by experienceing new things. last night i tried exploring new things---i tried sushi last night--something i would never eat cuz i didnt like fish! but i tried it and liked it! ok---i ate too much though, ha--but sushi--does NOT fill you up and i was huungry! i was like--i dont feel full...so i ordered some more--i felt better but guilty. i mean, i know it is only fish but i felt guilty for eating more...still feel really guilty now--but it was a great experience! it was awesome ! if we take a way the experience of trying new things in life--we lose a lot. ive tried many new foods lately ,and enjoyed them all.

and the media thing---oh, dont get me started on that.. I hate the media with such a passion. i do . the media will forever tell us we are not good enough. that is a boldfaced lie. we are good enough. and dont need them to tell us we are not. it is like--is see the media as an abusive person --like the ED voice, always putting you down and telling you to change. SCREW that. i recently stopped watching t.v.(well, i watch a little) and stopped looking and magazines, and you know what? i feel soooo much better! so whatif they claim i have to be skinny to be loved--that is soooo far from the truth! i am good enough the way i am. i IGNORE all media, and since ive been doing that, i feel so much better.

and who would want to die without tasting a banana split? or chocolate cake? or ice cream? or mexican food? i do not want to be on my death bed thinking--oh--im gonna die now, i ll never know the joys of food without guilt....

so, thats my take on it, and hope it helped....

love
maureen

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I totally struggle with the same thing. I freak out if it's not something I can prepare and control. I'm at college, but I live in an apartment where I can make all my own food. My nutritionist is encouraging me to try eating in the dining halls, but when I do, I always opt for "safe" foods that are pre-packaged and come with nutrition facts on them. It sucks. I'm not at a place yet where I can try new things--unless I have some reason to think that they're "safe". And I freak out at restaurants. Absolutely freak out. Sometimes I go into hysterics. At any rate, I guess what I'm trying to say is that you're definitely not alone in your feelings, and I thought that your post was inspirational and motivating--although it also terrified me. Hang in there, and congrats on fighting back!

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I understand what you mean by the word “control”. For me that’s a large part of the issue: controlling exactly everything that I consume when I feel as if everything else in my life is out of control. Is that how you feel?

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Thank you for this Paige! You say it very well, you can never be fully recovered if you are still afraid or avoiding certain foods. That 'door' (another post altogether), can never be closed to your eating disorder as long as you are allowing your food to control your life in any way.
The ONLY way to break through and free yourself is to do what you are most afraid to do! Face the fear, and see that the world does not end, and you are not f--!!
Thanks for this post Paige! Jan 3

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Maureen, I totally agree with you in restaurants sometimes! I'll order something I know is "safe" and then look at other plates and wish I got that instead. Sure my meal is still good...but BORING!
I love sushi!! I've only tried it once before (and was too afraid [not in an ED way]) to try some of the more..stranger combination...like squid or weird fish ones. I tried mango and vegetable rolls which were good...and this other one I really don't remember the name of. But an indulgence every now and then will not hurt you!
A normal (ie. ed-less person) eats a different amount of calories everyday! Their weight fluctuates 5 pounds constantly depending on what foods they eat and how regular they are. Their metabolism balances it all out...which really, I think is the whole concept of these fear foods. Most of them, are foods of indulgence. Foods one would not eat on a regular basis but treat themselves with...I'm not saying EVERY case, but I know in my case, the majority are these foods. I do struggle with some daily foods still, but they're much easier to accept into my diet.

As for the media...ugh, I know. I did a whole project on eating disorders and the media for an end of the year school project for my world issues course...my teacher said it was the best he's ever seen and asked for a copy. If you're interested in looking at it, you'll find some very interesting studies I found. If you think you can handle it, let me know and I'll e-mail it to you..it's in a powerpoint format.

And Trueimage: I know how you feel about finding safety in nutrition labels. Sometimes even though I think something sounds delicious, I'll read the nutritional information and instantly put it back on the shelf. It's a hard one to conquer, but I'd say I'm slowly getting better at it.
What if you tried taking partial things from the dining hall...let's say, they have a packaged sandwich...take that, then go to the fresh prepared food and pick out some sides. Or if you're feeling adventurous, try an entire meal. The first time it may be easiest to stick with "safe" foods they sell there, you know, just to get used to eating something with unknown nutrition. But next time, challenge yourself further! Try something completely different that looks delicious, but you're a bit hesitant with. Baby steps can get you just as far :)

Thanks for the support to Jan <3

Finally....I'm proud to say I did conquer a fear food today too! ...So far I'm still alive, as is the rest of the world. And you know what? That chocolate bar was damn DELICIOUS!

Keep fighting,
Paige xoxo

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Paige…you are right on target about the way our bodies will ‘protect’ our weight, and adjust to some fluctuation in our calories. Our weight is not meant to stay the exact same every day. THAT is not normal!
I do want to add that eating less and less each day WILL get you into a trap, because then your metabolism will slow down to also protect your set-point, and you could end up causing yourself to gain weight unnecessarily. Eating adequate amounts of food, on a consistent basis is your best protection against added weight gain. Our bodies are pretty smart! :heart:

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This is a great post and so relevant to what Im anticipating I will experience over the next few days. Im going away for a three days to a conference for university in another city. Im nervous because I have no idea what foods will be available and whether Ill be able to eat relatively healthily. Eating out is also difficult for me, I usually try and get hold if a restaurant or cafes menu before going so I can at least get some idea of what is available, thus making the experience of actually ordering something less intimidating. However where Im going for the next few days doesnt have any of this information available and Im really quite nervous about how Im going to cope. So wish me luck, Ill let you know how I get on.

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Good luck Simone!! I know you can do it :)

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I feel the exact same way! I get anxious if I don't know the calories in everything and I mean everything. Restaurants scare me not only because you don't know what is in the food but because you are surrounded by people who expect you to eat it. Does anyone but me secretly get jealous when you watch someone else eat something you are scared to eat? I get jealous. I wish I was able to convince myself that that those few bites of cake aren't going to make me blow up like a balloon...i enjoyed this post. It wasn't at all triggering; it was relatable. Nice to know we are not alone and share similar struggles. Hope everyone has a good weekend! :) Sonrisas

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Good luck simone!
Restaraunts are terrifying..i feel like sonrisas in that ssometimes just the fact that there are so many people around you that expect you to eat..not to waste..not to make a spectical out of yourself. Sometimes i feel jealouse that people can eat things so freely, without guilt. Sometimes i feel superior because i have the control not to eat that food. That is a feeling that I have to fight. I don't want that and it makes me feel like a bad person. I really like this post and it was not triggering for me at all.

Just a bit on the media. Someone shared a video with me the other day and i was like..wow.

It's on www.youtube.com

type in dove evolution, or dove campaign for real beauty.
also the dove video "beauty Pressure" really thought provoking.
It was surprising, yet not at the same time.

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Rebekah I often feel the same jealousy towards people…even if I know I wouldn’t like the food they’re eating. It just looks so good in comparison to mine. I think the best thing we can do with things like that is order it, and try it just to see. If you don’t like it, no one is forcing you to eat it. Tell the server and they’d be happy to get you something different! Or, if you’re with someone you feel comfortable with, and they order something you’re jealous of, ask for a bite! It’s just a bite, right? Or maybe try a couple fries from their plate. It’s a step :slight_smile:
I’ve seen the two videos you spoke of…they are very thought provoking indeed.

I found one video once, that was somewhat triggering, but actually scared me…I almost cried. It was a video of the anorexia voice talking to you…it was so scary, and real I actually felt like it was talking to me in my head. However if you’re in an unstable place, I don’t suggest you watch it.

I encourage you to keep trying new things :slight_smile:

Paige xoxo

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I have an immense fear of trying new foods. Not just becuase they are "forbidden" but simply because they are different. I was a picky eater without ED and worse with it. If I know I am going to have a different food in advance, I don't sleep at night and it consumes my every thought until the moment comes where I have to try it. I always make up my mind ahead of time before I even try it that I don't like it so of course when I eat it, I don't like it. I break down and cry in the grocery store sometimes because I want to put different foods in the cart but it's so overwhelming. I have come a long way and tried a few things I never would have before and things I used to love but refused to eat after Ed came on board. This was a good post. Thank you

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Nicole,

I know exactly how you feel. For months I craved to try new things but put up with the same old because I was too afraid.
But recently I did some research with new recipes and foods. Looked up how they may taste…and some, I just took a gamble! And you know what? They were all a success! …except cottage cheese…definitely no to cottage cheese lol

But look at it this way…if you buy it, make it and don’t like it…what’s the harm? You can always make something else. No one is going to force you to eat something you truly don’t enjoy. Keep your mind open too! Sometimes things can look unappetizing but actually taste amazing! One bite will never hurt you :slight_smile:
Have you ever tried tofu? It’s a good alternative to meat and whatever you marinate/cook it in, it just soaks up the flavour. The texture is nice too. It could be an easy, new thing for you :slight_smile: …plus it usually comes in small packages, so if you don’t like it, you’re not wasting a lot.
Pastas are an easy thing to switch up too. There are plenty of different sauce and topping combinations to try!

I wish you the best

Paige xoxo

Ps. Is your dog a boston terrier?! I have a boston too…his name is Otis. I absolutely love him :slight_smile:

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Wow! You girls are awesome! Smart! Here is some additional food for thought. Eating disorders could be seen as a form of Anti-Feminism. Why does the "ideal" woman take up less space?

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Hey everyone,

Just thought Id update you on how my coference went this week. It was such a great experience for a start, being around others who are passionate about the subject/topic area was so inspiring and generated some great discussions.

As for the eating part, I found that I really didnt have much to worry about at all. Apart from the first day at breakfast where they didnt have soy milk (im lactose intolerant), I was able to make the RIGHT decisions (as in, decisions that were pro-recovery) around food and I even found this relatively stress-free. It was great! After this I now feel so much more confident in my ability to go out and eat at resteraunts and at other 'unctonrolled' and 'unsafe' food environments without freaking out like I used to. Admittidly on some nights during the conference I wasnt able to stick completely to my meal plan and have a ptoper dessert after dinner as there wasn't any provided, but I always tried to make up for it the next day.

So, just thought Id let you know that is IS possible to move beyond these fears. Its not easy at all, and it takes time, but the more successfully you challenge yourself and prove the ED wrong, and the more often you do this, the easier it becomes. My experience this week is proof of that!

Keep fighting for it everyone, its so worth it!

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So glad to hear all is going well Simone :slight_smile: I’m glad you try to make up for lost nutrients the next day too…it’s a good solution! Keep up with the hard work! :slight_smile:

Paige xoxo

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Hi Paige,

Thanks so much for your advice. I appreciate it. I have started looking up new recipes and trying different ways of cooking the old things I like to eat. Lol I always wondered about cottage cheese but I was nervous that it would not be something I would like. I have tried tofu it is easy to hide in things if you don't like the texture then you dont taste it at all. My dog is a boston and his name is Hank. I love them they are great dogs. I like the name Otis too! Thanks again for taking the time to type out that message. I appreciate the support,

Nicole

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Hey Nicole :slight_smile:

Not a problem! I’d still suggest maybe try some cottage cheese lol I know a lot of people that do like it, and I’ve seen them in snack sizes. Have you ever tried goat cheese? Sounds weird and icky right? NO! Delicious!
And AWWW! I love the name Hank! He looks like he’s full of personality :slight_smile:

Keep up with the good work! Glad to hear you’re trying new things :slight_smile:

Paige xoxo

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Great support and input!! This string is a perfect example of why this support site is so vital to those who are seeking help and recovery!! Keep it up, and always remember that you have choices, you have strength, and the ED cannot take that away from you forever!! KEEP FIGHTING!! Jan ♥